moxo Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 My boyfriend has started swing shift work where he works for 4 12-hr days, has a day off, then works 4 12-hr nights with 2 days off. I've noticed that when we spend time together, it's fine, but when he's on shift and we can only speak on the phone (we don't live together and I work 9-5) we end up arguing about little things like thinking the other is in a mood, tone of voice etc. I know I get oversensitive about his tone of voice, although most of the time I am sure he is just tired. He makes the effort to call me every day (and sometimes on his breaks) while he's on shifts and I want to make those calls happy for him. Also, just to note, I don't call him while he is at work, and I wait for him to call me between shifts so I don't interrupt his sleep. I've never worked shifts so I don't understand how hard it really is, so how can I be more supportive of him? Having to adjust to shifts would be difficult enough without me stressing him out as well so I want to make it as easy as I can for him Any suggestions??
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Maybe look at doing webcam so he can see you so its "almost" like spending time together proper. Hearing voice only is way less close than seeing your bf/gf.
Ronni_W Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I know I get oversensitive about his tone of voice, A webcam is a smart, short-term solution for this specific problem...but it does not address the self- and relationship-sabotaging behaviour in which you are engaging. STOP being "over-sensitive"; that really is just needy and unskilled behaviour. Learn to better manage your own emotional responses and reactions. STOP guessing and assuming at his mood (or thoughts or feelings or intentions, etc.), and just ask him, "How are you feeling?" Or say to him, "You sound tired?" START expressing your appreciation and gratitude, and show that you want to understand and be supportive: "I really do appreciate that you take the time to call me so often. How is your mind, body and spirit adjusting to shift work? -- I imagine it can't be easy. Other than taking responsibility for my own emotional responses and reactions, how ELSE can I be more supportive and help YOU feel good, generally and in our relationship?" Stuff like that. Good luck.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Moxo, I think you are already doing it. You're aware of the issue and are sensitive to his new schedule. Just give him a little slack and understand that it's not easy for him but he is making the effort. Next time you see a fight coming on, remind yourself of what a hard worker he is and how he does make an effort to call you.
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