Why do LDR fights hurt so much more

[JacquesA.LeFrancais]

God...it effing hurts...communication breakdowns...

 

Everything...ugh....

[White Dove]

I know the feeling. Hate when there's a communication breakdown and there's nothing much you can do about it.

 

(((hugs)))

[JacquesA.LeFrancais]

It sucks so bad...fighting about my insomnia...of all stupid things...it happens =( and god does it suck

[LittleTiger]

This happens to us too - fortunately not too often - but when it does it's HORRIBLE!!! Major misunderstandings!!!

 

We're both pretty passionate people and sometimes things escalate, especially when we're tired - the time difference for us is just stupid (11 - 13 hours depending on the time of year) so one of us is usually half asleep or exhausted.

 

I think it's worse in an LDR because you're not together and you can't iron things out so easily. The fact that all you have is a voice or a video picture to 'read' doesn't help either (it's so easy to misunderstand something) and there's no chance for a 'hug' to put things right.

 

We've talked about this a fair bit and it sometimes helps to know that no matter how bad the communication gets we still love each other just the same. That's not always easy to believe at the time but it's all we have. In an LDR you have to just hang onto what you have, if your think your SO is worth it.

 

It's definitely one of the worst things about being in an LDR, for me anyway.

 

Hugs {{{{Jacques}}}}.

 

I hope you're feeling a little better than when you wrote this post.

[madjac74]

It hurts so much more cuz when you know its a silly fight sometimes just grabbing them and hugging them puts an end to it. As much as you know that its just not an option for those in an LDR So silly fights get drawn out longer and cause unecessary stress. Hang in there though! My GF and I have made it thru many fights and breakups. We've learned over time that we deal with these difficulties cuz we love each other, deserve each other and its all worth it.

[Spiritofnow]

I am guessing the question you posted is just a rhetorical one......however, it is pants to have disagreements in an LDR. Since I have grown more confident and secure in my LDR I have found that I am able to remain calm about any kind if miscommunication that may happen. I realise that it doesn't mean that things are over. It takes time to feel secure, especially with the distance. And yes, at the time it stinks to feel disconnected and disjointed, but disagreement are part and parcel of a relationship, it's leaning how to deal with the issues that are responsible for this dynamic in a healthy positive, and productive manner which counts ; )

 

I hope you have started to resolve things between yourselves.

[aerogurl87]

I hate them too. It sucks because I know when my SO and I get into a fight if I were there in person him and I could just go for a walk, or I could give him a hug and we could end things then and there. But when all we have is each other's voices and something goes awry, things have a tendency to escalate more than they should. But as LittleTiger said you just have to remember that you both still love each other and that's what matters most. Even when I'm upset with my boyfriend I make sure I tell him that I love him before I go to bed because I never know what tomorrow will bring.

[JacquesA.LeFrancais]

I know. Its just hard. She has a temper and doesn't have much patience at times. And I am overly patient at times. She's done very well in our LDR, but I know it hasn't been easy for her. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but I feel emotional and blah today. I haven't spoken to her yet today, which sucks too. We were able to tell each other we loved each otherlast night and somewhat made up. We made each other laugh before bedtime. So...we'll see what happens....

[Citizen Erased]

I am lucky, he has the patience of a saint and has never really truly gotten mad at me. Yet.

Same here. Not sure why, I can be pretty annoying when I'm mad.

 

I will be stubborn about an argument when we're apart, or I'll be sadder for longer if my feelings are hurt or whatever but in person all it takes is looking at him and I want a hug which always instantly makes things better.

 

I like to think of it as no matter what the issue is, what we've already been through being apart, the separation etc and what is ahead of us is far worse. I'm grateful I even have him to argue with.

[Enchanted Girl]

Ugh, I totally understand what you are going through. I hate fighting when we are long distance.

 

In person, it's just so much easier. I trust him so much more and he feels so much deeper love for me. When we are distant, those feelings seem to come out and trigger the fights more and then when we fight, knowing that he could hang up the phone on me and never answer it again if he wants to, destroys me.

 

While when he's here and we fight, things seem so much easier. I worry less. He gets angry less. And when we fight, there's no fear that I'll never hear from him again and I sleep better. Ugh, I sleep so badly when we fight and my boyfriend is long distance.

[StarrySkyBlue]

I totally understand! It hurts like hell when we fight and just don't talk. Communication breakdowns and silence suck worse than the actual fighting. When my SO and I fight, it usually takes a few days of talking before we feel everything's ok again.

 

 

Hope you'll be able to work things out soon!

[JacquesA.LeFrancais]

Things are getting back on track. Took a day. Hard when you are at odds with the love of your life. Takes days to recover... >.<

[Spiritofnow]

Things are getting back on track. Took a day. Hard when you are at odds with the love of your life. Takes days to recover... >.<

 

Glad to hear that Jacques

[SassyKitten]

Helplessness.

 

With distance, all you have to resort to is words, not too many options when it comes to actions. And actions speak louder than words.