xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 but I haven't set it up yet. For the most part, I met guy on OKC and we had communicated for almost a month before he decided to give me his number to call him. He has a pretty clean background, works as a lawyer, graduated from NYU, in his mid- twenties, and very down to earth. We got on well talking about training and nutrition and about my vegetarianism which apparently was the reason he messaged me in the first place. He's very straight forward. He told me coffee date are generic but wouldn't mind outdoor picnics or drinks at lounges. He said he's pretty much free for the week minus Wed when he has to work. I don't know why I'm hesitant. I liked talking to him but I don't know about " dating" him. Maybe it's because his profile says he's just looking for friends and I'm looking for friends and maybe an LTR. I like him enough to want to get to know him more, but I have a track record of messing things up with pretty much every guy I meet. What should I do? And no I'm not overthinking things, I just feel like a jinx sometimes.
Pfiend101 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I think you're being too hard on yourself. You say you mess up with guys. How about what they do. It takes two to tango. I would just say go out with him and see how it goes. Sure it can be a little nerve racking at first. I just recently had a great three months with a girl off OKC. Unfortunately we went our seperate ways but you wont know until you try.
Corporate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 but I haven't set it up yet. For the most part, I met guy on OKC and we had communicated for almost a month before he decided to give me his number to call him. He has a pretty clean background, works as a lawyer, graduated from NYU, in his mid- twenties, and very down to earth. We got on well talking about training and nutrition and about my vegetarianism which apparently was the reason he messaged me in the first place. I have two questions: 1) What's OKC? 2) He is a lawyer and he has all these free time? Seriously, does he practice law at all? Are you sure he is not lying about his profession?
Corporate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 but I haven't set it up yet. For the most part, I met guy on OKC and we had communicated for almost a month before he decided to give me his number to call him. He has a pretty clean background, works as a lawyer, graduated from NYU, in his mid- twenties, and very down to earth. We got on well talking about training and nutrition and about my vegetarianism which apparently was the reason he messaged me in the first place. I have two questions: 1) What's OKC? 2) He is a lawyer and he has all these free time? Seriously, does he practice law at all? Are you sure he is not lying about his profession?
USMCHokie Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I have two questions: 1) What's OKC? 2) He is a lawyer and he has all these free time? Seriously, does he practice law at all? Are you sure he is not lying about his profession? 1) OKCupid, a free online dating site. 2) Ummm...lawyers have free time...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I have two questions: 1) What's OKC? 2) He is a lawyer and he has all these free time? Seriously, does he practice law at all? Are you sure he is not lying about his profession? 1) okaycupid. 2) actually that was a typo. I think he's in legal aid, but not sure he's a full time lawyer. He's actually busy Wednesday, and since it's the summer I'm guessing he's taking the time off for the week. I knew he went off to Michigan this past weekend.
Corporate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 1) OKCupid, a free online dating site. 2) Ummm...lawyers have free time... I am just curious, what are other free online dating sites?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I am just curious, what are other free online dating sites? There's okc, match has a free trial I think, umm plenty of fish, and regular old Craigslist. Now stop jacking my thread.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I think you're being too hard on yourself. You say you mess up with guys. How about what they do. It takes two to tango. I would just say go out with him and see how it goes. Sure it can be a little nerve racking at first. I just recently had a great three months with a girl off OKC. Unfortunately we went our seperate ways but you wont know until you try. I understand it takes two to tango. But I usually end up putting myself down the most in the end. I'm not nervous about meeting him I just want to avoid the whole falling out thing afterwards. It's like I have to put in extra effort to make anyone like me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Anyways, I really don't want to come across as insecure but having written things out does put everything into a clearer perspective. I guess I'd just been out of the loop since I haven't dated since Feb. I almost felt too comfortable settling into the single life. Anyways I guess I'll just call him tomorrow ( or hear from him since he left me a message that he'll contact me) and we'll see where it goes.
Corporate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Anyways, I really don't want to come across as insecure but having written things out does put everything into a clearer perspective. I guess I'd just been out of the loop since I haven't dated since Feb. I almost felt too comfortable settling into the single life. Anyways I guess I'll just call him tomorrow ( or hear from him since he left me a message that he'll contact me) and we'll see where it goes. Did he said that he works for a big law firm? What kind of law does he practice?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Did he said that he works for a big law firm? What kind of law does he practice? I don't know, but I'm guessing he's working for a firm. I didn't ask him much about his job but he told me enough about himself, his family, and friends for me not to be suspicious. It's not like I judge a person primarily on occupation.
yah Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) I like him enough to want to get to know him more, but I have a track record of messing things up with pretty much every guy I meet. What should I do? And no I'm not overthinking things, I just feel like a jinx sometimes. How did you 'mess up' with the previous guys? If you troubleshoot the reason, you can fix the problem before your date. For me, I'm shy so I either clam up and seem disinterested or talk way too much that I seem like an airhead. So for me I do better on dates that don't involve sitting across each other for an hr forcing conversation to flow (I'm shy). We went to a crowded place (Dave & Busters) where I was much more relaxed playing arcades and air hockey and we had a blast. If our 2nd date was like our 1st we would've ditched either other for sure. Edited July 5, 2010 by yah
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 How did you 'mess up' with the previous guys? If you troubleshoot the reason, you can fix the problem before your date. For me, I'm shy so I either clam up and seem disinterested or talk way too much that I seem like an airhead. So for me I do better on dates that don't involve sitting across each other for an hr forcing conversation to flow (I'm shy). We went to a crowded place (Dave & Busters) where I was much more relaxed playing arcades and air hockey and we had a blast. If our 2nd date was like our 1st we would've ditched either other for sure. Well half the time, I never get past the 2nd and 3rd date. They either really end up a disappointment, or one or two of them never return my calls. And most first dates usually end up with dinner which is really unoriginal and kind of boring. I never had a guy be creative and take me air hockey ( or anything in that aspect). One time I had a guy made me walk 6 hours in the city with heels and I ended up with blisters. Our 2nd date involved a ferry ride and nothing much. I just ended up not wanting to talk to him anymore. Conversation wise, I'll be polite if they talk about their work, but I'm not very good at divulging private information about myself, although I love to joke. Anyways, I just finished taking with the guy over the phone. He's really talkative, and went on and on about friend A or B and who got drunk over the 4th, and how he went to a bar, etc. I practically couldn't get a word in edge-wise. ( But I'm okay with that since I'm not very talkative if I'm not familiar with someone). Oh, he's actually said he's been on vacation for memorial but he's going back to work for the rest of the week. So my first post about him not working the rest of the week was a typo. He sounds like a really busy person because he says he likes definite plans in case he ends up doublebooking. Apparently he has dance rehearsals this coming Weds, and Saturdays, and he's usually booked with friends and plans on Fridays and Saturday mornings. So he's like " Sundays are usually better since I'm not so tired". I don't really know what to make of this, since I feel like I'm forcing him to squeeze me into his schedule. But I guess he was thoughtful in saying that he doesn't want to bore me and would think of something fun for our little " date" ? I hope I'm not being a pushover.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 P.S. Oh and the schedule thing isn't entirely his fault since I told him I'm normally very busy during the week so I'm usually more free on Fridays and weekends. He actually proposed Friday but I had already made plans with a friend. So what's everyone impression of him so far, even though I'm really hard not to present him in a bad light.
yah Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Well half the time, I never get past the 2nd and 3rd date. They either really end up a disappointment, or one or two of them never return my calls. And most first dates usually end up with dinner which is really unoriginal and kind of boring. I never had a guy be creative and take me air hockey ( or anything in that aspect). One time I had a guy made me walk 6 hours in the city with heels and I ended up with blisters. Our 2nd date involved a ferry ride and nothing much. I just ended up not wanting to talk to him anymore. Conversation wise, I'll be polite if they talk about their work, but I'm not very good at divulging private information about myself, although I love to joke. Anyways, I just finished taking with the guy over the phone. He's really talkative, and went on and on about friend A or B and who got drunk over the 4th, and how he went to a bar, etc. I practically couldn't get a word in edge-wise. ( But I'm okay with that since I'm not very talkative if I'm not familiar with someone). Oh, he's actually said he's been on vacation for memorial but he's going back to work for the rest of the week. So my first post about him not working the rest of the week was a typo. He sounds like a really busy person because he says he likes definite plans in case he ends up doublebooking. Apparently he has dance rehearsals this coming Weds, and Saturdays, and he's usually booked with friends and plans on Fridays and Saturday mornings. So he's like " Sundays are usually better since I'm not so tired". I don't really know what to make of this, since I feel like I'm forcing him to squeeze me into his schedule. But I guess he was thoughtful in saying that he doesn't want to bore me and would think of something fun for our little " date" ? I hope I'm not being a pushover. It seems like you go with the flow too much and end up feeling like a pushover. If just plain ol' dinners are boring, you could always suggest something you prefer to do for your date. Just say, "There's this cool bowling alley (or whatever it is) I've been meaning to go to, would you like to do that this <insert date>?" If he makes you walk around for 6hrs point out all the lovely cabs on the street.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 If he makes you walk around for 6hrs point out all the lovely cabs on the street. Yeah, I live in the city so cabs are far and plenty. But little did I know the guy actually came out on a date without any money except his metrocard? I pretty much figured it out when he told me he was working two jobs just to support his mom. I honestly couldn't fathom how anyone could go on a date when they can't even afford to grab a cup of coffee. I honestly haven't dated a person like that since. The new guy, I hope I won't end up being a pushover with him either. I am brutally honest about my feelings but I try not to be a b---- hence I do try to give everyone a chance.
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 This thread is a huge bungle of overthinking. I don't know how you can say that you aren't. You two haven't even gone out ONCE and there's already two pages to this thread about not wanting to come across as a pushover. Look, if and when he does contact you to go out, just go... and have fun. That's all there is to it. Forget what you come across as, forget what he might be thinking. It's pointless and the mental agony is definitely not worth it.
Beerme Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 This thread is a huge bungle of overthinking. I don't know how you can say that you aren't. You two haven't even gone out ONCE and there's already two pages to this thread about not wanting to come across as a pushover. Look, if and when he does contact you to go out, just go... and have fun. That's all there is to it. Forget what you come across as, forget what he might be thinking. It's pointless and the mental agony is definitely not worth it. I agree with this. I find that a lot of people over think these situations. You don't have to know whether you really like the person or if they're a perfect match to decide if you'll go out on a first date with them. That's the whole point of first dates. You just need to know that you may like them. Go out, see what happens. If its fun, you'll probably have a second date. :-)
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