Sadbabygirl83 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I've just been hurt by a guy that I was really falling for. He was from Oklahoma, I'm in Wisconsin. I tried my best not to like him because I was doing the long distance thing with another guy in Oregon a few months before him and my ex-husband and I started out long distance but anyway...of course I fell for him. He was the one pushing a relationship and talking about us living together right away. I thought it was strange but I started liking it and thinking this guy really wants to be with me. He moved to Arizona for a little but he couldnt find work. Long story short, everything was going well until last Sunday and I felt something was wrong. He would only stay on the phone with me for 3 mins instead of hrs. He wouldn't call back when he said he would. I kept asking is he talking to someone else and he said no. But out of nowhere he texts me "I just don't think we will ever be. I'm so sorry." I couldnt believe this because we were making plans for me to fly to Arizona. And I've never flown and I'm very afraid to fly but I was going to do it for him. I'm so hurt. He said he got his old job back in OK and will be moving in with some girl. I asked if he was going to be with her and he said yes. I'm depressed and can't eat. I thought he really wanted us to be together and he said he wouldn't hurt me. I told him that I've been hurt before because the guy in Oregon couldnt wait any longer. He said he was going to still call me but he hasnt called or texted yet. He told me to keep talking to him because I never know what could happen between him and this girl. I want him back. I'm so lonely. Even hearing his name brings me to tears. I'M MISERABLE.
LittleTiger Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Welcome to LS, Sadbabygirl, though I'm sorry you have to be here and I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. LDRs are tough!!! Really, really tough! I'm sure you know that. Unless both people are 100% commited to being together the pain just isn't worth it. You haven't really given much detail about your relationship, how long you were together, how old you both are etc, but if this guy can change his mind so quickly it doesn't sound as though he was in it for the long haul. I'm so sorry. I would guess that he's the type who just wants a partner and he chooses whoever's the best option at the time. That's not the kind of person who is ever going to make it work in a LDR. You may be lonely right now, but you deserve way better than him. He's suggested you keep talking to him just in case he splits up with this girl!!!??? What the hell does he think you are - his booby prize? Please DO NOT consider taking this guy back whatever he says. He clearly doesn't love you. If he comes back it's just because he doesn't want to be alone and you'll be his fall back girl. He'll just be waiting for the next girl who lives nearby to turn his head and you will be hurt yet again. Breakups are always hard and painful and leave us feeling sad and lonely. The best thing you can do is get out there and meet people in your own area. Maybe you'll find a really great guy under your nose somewhere and then you won't have to worry about getting hurt by LDRs again. {{{Hugs}}}
madjac74 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Nobody wants to hear this when they are hurting but you really need to learn to be ok with being alone. It seems like you are constantly in need of being with someone and just afraid to be alone more than finding the right person. I know how this feels so Im not judging you. After my divorce I jumped right into a disasterous relationship only because i wasnt used to being alone. I basically got walked on cuz of a low self asteem and that fear of not having someone. You need to build up your self asteem by meeting lots of new people and not getting committed to any one person. Just have fun and discover who you are. Pursue your hobbies and goals for awhile. You will be surprised at how people start to respect you and how you attract more quality people. Best of luck to you!!!!
Author Sadbabygirl83 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) We're both 26. We had only been talking two months but I really thought we were going to be together. I know I'm stupid but he was so great. I've been told I need to be happy alone but I'm not. I just hate that I'm not worth waiting for but I can wait. I waited to be with my ex husband for a year. I was trying to be a friend to this guy but he made it more and I thought he was going to move here. I'm so angry. Its not fair this other girl gets him. Edited July 5, 2010 by Sadbabygirl83
madjac74 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hey kiddo! Who says you arent worth waiting for? You obviously have a great deal of love to offer and this guy was playing games and took advantage of you. I have an online friend who had a thing for a guy for months and months and right before it was time to meet the guy changed his mind. I wont lie when you are a lovable person such as yourself you are gonna get screwed over. Ive been there many times. Eventually you'll find someone who wants that love but like I said you will have to learn to love yourself and be ok on your own until that day comes. Being alone isnt as bad as it sounds especially if you have some support like family, friends....us
Author Sadbabygirl83 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I dont have family here and I dont have friends. Im glad I came across this site though. Thanks for taking the time to read my pathetic story.
madjac74 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 You have friends now! I have lots of friends here but they are often busy with their own lives and when i go out with them I often miss my girlfriend even more. Im probably not supposed to advertise but try Wireclub. Its an online community kinda like a facebook and chat site combine. Ive made many great friends there and some are even in long distance relationships. Look me up under the same name madjac74. See you have a friend
Author Sadbabygirl83 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Thanks much. Im originally from Chicago but moved to be with my ex.
carvidep Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) hey there sadbabygirl, I don't trust that guy one bit. The fact that he stopped returning your calls and kept your conversations shorter is proof that he was seeing that girl at the same time that he was making promises to you. He is a lying, skeezy #*@#$% and he absolutely does NOT deserve a girl with a heart as good as yours. I know it's hard to let go of someone who you've built up to be your knight in shining armor. I've done it before myself. And when you lose that person, it feels like the world is crumbling around you. That itty bitty ray of hope that he's left you with -"stay available in case it doesn't work out with the other girl"- is just his way of feeling in control, and making sure that he'll have a security blanket to fall back on when he has nothing left. You know what? That is not fair to you. You're sitting there waiting and waiting for this &*%# while he's with this other chick and you're not doing anything good for yourself. That's the part of your story that makes me feel really bad for you. If you don't get up and go do things for yourself, that make you happy (emphasis on YOU), then you're gonna keep waiting for this guy, or you'll keep finding manipulative men just like him and you'll never escape that cycle. Please please get out and take care of yourself. It won't make you completely happy and forget him over night, it takes time. But finding yourself and keeping your mind and body healthy and happy is such an incredible feeling. That's the mindset that you want to have when you start thinking seriously about a guy. Because you can't truly love and respect someone else unless you respect yourself. And the best part is, when you find yourself, you'll know how to protect your heart and weed out the bad guys that come along. Can I punch him now? Edited July 5, 2010 by carvidep
Author Sadbabygirl83 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Thanks. I know that he just got out of an eight year relationship and then he lived with some girl for a bit before talking to me. That should have scared me away maybe but I wanted a friend and it turned into more. Or what I thought was more. His mom liked me and he used to put his little nephew on the phone to talk to me. I thought that meant relationship. And a day before he started acting weird he said "im ready for you to be here, babe." :*(
aerogurl87 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Oh that sucks, but like everyone said, just focus on you for a bit and you'll start attracting better people in time. When you can learn to be happy just with yourself, you'll be able to decipher who you can be happy living with even better.
carvidep Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Oopps! I just realized I read another thread's title and confused it with this one. regardless your comment fits just fine in this thread in my opinion!
Recommended Posts