MB2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I need some opinions on a situation between my fiancee and myself. She is a Dr. that works in sales and deals with a lot of different doctors on a daily basis. a lot of times the dr.'s will flirt with her and usually its innocent flirting and since everyone knows "sex sales" she has to play along to a certain degree. well, just recently a dr. she met at a seminar was being really foreward and she played along, but after a day it started going to far. she still played along for another 2 days and realized that he was taking it way to far and that it wasnt innocent teasing or flirting anymore. at this point she came to me and told me all about it and showed me the text log. i was upset that she participated to the degree that she did and she immediatly sent this dr a text letting him know that she wouldnt be able to service his account and that another rep would be calling on him. i trust her 100% as far as her not cheating on me but im not sure how much i trust her judgement in understanding what the other persons intentions may be. i attached the text log below. please read through it and give some feedback!! thanks in advance. http://www.box.net/shared/nr652ectre
lkjh Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Well its good that she showed you the text and he was clearly the aggressor but I don't know why she didn't put an end to it sooner. Also, when anytime it did end she seemed to bring it to life by flirting a little more It was good that she showed you but that guy was way to aggressive. The way she flirts back can cause a disaster if she meets someone who actually knows how to hit on women. If you stay in a relationship with her she needs to learn how to set some boundaries
lkjh Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 don't get me wrong, she did the right thing by telling you. I just think you two need to come to an agreement on limits
Author MB2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 It looks like spam to advertise some kind of product that I can't quite figure out. ummm, let me guess your user name was supposed to be "BlondGirl" but you misspelled it???
Author MB2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 don't get me wrong, she did the right thing by telling you. I just think you two need to come to an agreement on limits yea, i agree with you completly. she did the right thing by telling me, and i never expected her to actually meet the guy. my only concern was her letting the flirting to get the "sale" go to far. with the majority of people it may be ok and harmless, but not everyone is harmless.
Author MB2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Hahah! Ok, that was kind of funny and if I'm wrong I apologize. I'm still a little suspicious though but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and answer as if this is legit. It doesn't matter if he's not harmless. It matters what she does about it. She's the one in control of whether this gets out of hand or not. Sounds to me like she's handled it. Oh and...for the record, I'm not blond. "kind of funny" ??? That was the funniest thing i have said in a month!! lol its all legit, and we are completly past this, even to the point of joking and laughing about it. i just think it should have been stopped after about the first half day. its pretty obvious when a business contact that u met that day is texting you at 11:00 at night trying to get you to meet him out that its not all business. then the next day he is texting you nude pics of himself, and on and on and on for three days. i just think thats a little much.
Author MB2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 It wasn't THAT funny! Yes, the flirting got out of hand. I'm afraid I've been guilty of the same thing in the past. I think it's a danger for women in their 40's at a certain point. Anyway, from reading it he didn't actually send nude pics. He was just half undressed. But she did the right thing even if she let it go a little too far. I don't think you have a thing to worry about with her. No one is perfect. I can tell from what she said that she felt guilt, is devoted, and wouldn't do it ever again. thanks for your input, and i really dont think she will let it go that far again. i know there is flirting in sales, but i think three days and nights from the time they wake up till they go to bed is a little excessive. when it gets to the point of nude pics and him trying to get her to show up at his office in a short skirt and no panties thats a little to much for my comfort.
ComputerJock Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You know I kind of have a bad feeling about this, it reminds me of a post by SS1. You might want to put keylogger on her computer and monitor for a few weeks. If nothing suspicous you can laugh it off as being stupid, but if you find things then you might want to check your wife out further. I hope it was just something that went too far, but she could be gaslighting you. Hope for the best, expect the worst, and prepare for war.
Author MB2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 You know I kind of have a bad feeling about this, it reminds me of a post by SS1. You might want to put keylogger on her computer and monitor for a few weeks. If nothing suspicous you can laugh it off as being stupid, but if you find things then you might want to check your wife out further. I hope it was just something that went too far, but she could be gaslighting you. Hope for the best, expect the worst, and prepare for war. i really do trust her 100% she told me about this on her own and showed me the texts on her phone. i was more concerend about her safety and what could happen in the future with guys like this than i was her actually cheating on me. i dont think she would have ever met him.
D-Lish Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 If this were me, I would have cut the text off at the first inappropriate sign from the dude, that's how I would have handled it. I also wouldn't have said anything to my bf about it.
wronglyaccused Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 HI Everyone Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help my fiance and I hash this out... I really appreciate all the feedback. I had thought that my fiance understood me and my intentions... but from reading what he had to say in response to your feedback... I can see that there is still a lot of anger and resentment in his statements... I agreed to allow him to post this with an understanding that he tells the whole truth... but I feel that he is being misleading and trying to throw me under the bus to make himself feel better about the situation. So... here I am... 1 o'clock in the morning... pleading my case... First off... I am a doctor... and would like to consider myself not totally incompetent when it comes to reading people and men... I never said I did not know what was going on... or denied that the whole situation got out of hand. What I have been trying to explain to him.. is that the text log was not as it looked to be... He keeps on trying to say that the texting went on for three days... and the only reason I told him was because I was with him and was afraid the guy was going to text me and he would find out... What he fails to see is that I could have easily just turned my phone off and he would have never found out. Although I might not have handled the situation in the best manner... I did not do it out of any disrespect for him... nor did I continue it to stroke my ego in any way... If asked... I am sure my fiance will have to be the first one to admit that have many respectable suiters to stroke my ego... enough so that I do not need this snot nose kid of a doctor talking disrespectfully to me in order for me to get kicks... Here's how it went down... In my line of work... I always answer my phone... not matter what time of night it is... Im kind of always on call... that's not what my fiance has a problem with... his problem is that the doctor was hitting on me after hours... From the beginning... I really did not think much about it... because... another thing that my fiance failed to mention is... although I had just met this doctor... he and I graduated from the same school and knew some of the same people.. so from the start... there was kind of a friendship of sort... I looked at him more like a collegue than a client... so when he was being overly friendly... I really did not think much of it... not because I was stupid... but because I just did not think it was that big of a deal.... not sure if this matters... but I live in Texas... where men call women sweetheart on a daily basis... and are overly friendly and flirtacious... When he first told me about going to the gym... I was just curious if we went to the same gym because we lived in the same area... when he asked me to go... I declined... my fiance busted me on saying that I would take a raincheck... At this point I still did not feel there was a need to say he was being inappropriate... I felt that I declined in a way that would not make the guy uncomfortable or me look like an idiot if his intentions were innocent. The next day... he text me in the morning... I tried to keep it to business... he took it to the next level... I think there were several places where I tried to let him know that I was not interested in anything but a working relationship. I said some things to smooth over the fact that yes you were inappropriate but it's cool... we are cool... let's try to stay focused on work... I am sure those statements could have been misunderstood by some as... me trying to continue the conversation... or even egging on his bad behavior... By the middle of the second day when things got really out of hand... at some point I realized that there was no saving the professional relationship with this guy... I just thought to myself... eff it... this kid wants to play... okay lets play.... Probably not the best decision on my part... but never did I have the intentions of flirting with this douche bag or was I enjoying it like it was turning me on and I was flattered by him talking to me in a demeaning manner... When I smiled at him.... it did not mean that I liked it or that I was happy... It was simply... your question is so ridiculous that I have no intentions of answering you.. dumb a**!!! when I said whatever you want it to mean.. I meant... what ever you want it to mean.... I knew exactly what I was doing... I was leading the guy on without ever directly answering any of his questions... and then I was going to nail the sale without ever sleeping with him.... or giving into anything that he wanted... I don't feel that I am guilty for saying anything inappropriate.... I never said that I was going to come to his office without my underwear... I never said that I was was going to sleep with him... I never said that I was going to send him a naked picture of myself... The only thing that I am guilty for is... not ending it sooner... And to be totally honest... I probably would have ended it if it were not for the fact that the situation upset my fiance so much.... Not because I got off on the thrill of having a realtionship with the douche bag doctor.... but for me there would have been a satisfaction in using him for a sale.... Ethical... probably not... and that is not how I usually handle my business... but in his case... well deserved! So in conclusion... What I did was wrong.... I get that... I came clean and was totally honest about the situation... not for fear that he was going to find out... but because it was the right thing to do... I have apologized to my fiance a million times over... When I realized how upset he was I immediately turned the account over to another rep. and severed all ties with the doctor... I have taken every step to make things right for him... I even let him post this blog up... My question is... when is it going to be enough??????? After reading his replies to your responses... I can't help but feel he is trying to throw me under the bus to make himself feel better... Am I crazy?
wronglyaccused Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 HI Bondgirl What are you doing up so late?!?!?! Thank you for all of your feedback... you have been very kind from the start. What I meant by him throwing me under the bus... is.. whenever anyone says anything remotely favorable towards me... he just can't leave it alone... he has to say... I agree with you... BUT... did you see the texts?!?! did you know it went on after hours?!?!?! did you see how inappropriate they were?!?!... and so on... trying to get people to side with him... downplay the fact that I did the fact that I was honest about the whole thing on my own accord... and emphasizing everything that would make me look bad... That's what I meant. As for getting off on the douche bag kid talking disrespectfully to me .. I would have to say... uhmmm. NO There is a line between flirting and being totally Raunchy... and he definatley crossed it. Innocent flirting... flattering... yes.... I do it all the time... my fiance knoiws this... I do not think he has a problem with that... Disrespectful trash talk... flattering... NO!!!! Once he crossed the line with the direspectful trash talk... I thought to myself... I am going to play this guy. Not because I needed the sale... I never need a sale bad enough to compromise myself... but because I wanted mess with him for being a douche... The sale was just a bonus.... Once again... I want to say... not my most stellar decision... I get that But I will stand by what I say.... I did not get off on being trashed talked to.
lkjh Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Im a little tired so lets see if I can actually get my point across. I dont think your fiance has thrown you under the bus at all. He pointed out that he trust you and that you came to him with the chat logs. He even said he doesnt blame you What I don't think you get is that your justifications for all this is, well sorry to say bs. From early on in the chat logs this was getting inappropriate and you kept it going on. I highly doubt that someone who is intelligent(especially a DR whose job is literally to read people) couldn't see this. The younger doctor was clearly the aggressor but you kept it going. When he would type something inappropriate you would respond with a smiley face. When he asked you out(gym) you would keep the door open and seemed interest. You even joked around sexually. This is not right for someone in a relationship Ill give you credit, at times you say things "like nothing physical will ever happen between us" but then you would allow the flirting to continue When women act that way we men believe we have a chance and I am sure you know that because you are a intelligent person You keeping this going had nothing to do with the two of you knowing the same people. Everyone meets people in their industry where they know the same people You were flirting back which is inappropriate for someone in a relationship. You stopped it from being professional early on. Even when you threaten to let Tom take the guys case over, it seem like you were kidding In summary, I dont want to sound mean but you came off as a tease To answer your question about when this will be over. Well you did the right thing by showing your fiance the text logs but lets be honest, your behavior would make anyone a little skeptical about being in a relationship with you. I am sure you can control situations but just look at it from the outside and tell me if you wouldn't be concerned about taking the next step with someone who so openly flirts. Good luck
lkjh Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 If I didnt know you were in a relations and I was reading these logs for some other reason I would assume that you were interested and the younger guy blew it by not knowing how to hit on women. I would say you seemed interested in him at first but he got too aggressive. Thats just how your behavior came off Also, even though you said you had a bf, you said it very late and seemed like you were trying to avoid it. When he asked you early on if you were married you said no but nothing about a bf. You could have ended this all there but you kept it going. You said nothing about a bf until later on. Also even though you said your relationship was serious you never said he was your fiance. In my experience women who do this are trying to leave the door open for further flirting.
wronglyaccused Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Good Morning IJKH... Thank you for your feedback... although I do not agree with you 100 %... you made some very valid observations... I never said that I was not a flirt...
MarriedTex Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Good Morning IJKH... Thank you for your feedback... although I do not agree with you 100 %... you made some very valid observations... I never said that I was not a flirt... Just tell your fiance you were just doing your job. Your are not only a flirt, but you are a professional flirt. Ever wonder why 80% of the pharma sales reps are good-looking women 25 to 40 years old? Every time I go to the Dr.'s office, there's some young, MILFy cutie with a box of doughnuts or a bag full of free drug samples who usually strolls through the waiting room and is ushered into the Dr.'s office for a sales visit. Their job is to get facetime with the Dr. and deliver the pre-canned case from pharma central on why they should prescribe Lipitor instead of some other random statin. Or why they should use this piece of equipment over another similar piece of equipment. Nerdy doctors who spent their college years with their nose in a book and their 20s working ungodly hours as interns are unusually susceptible to attractive intelligent women flirting / teasing them while selling them on the virtues of their particular product. Of course, most of the time, the doctor never pays for any of the treatements recommended by these flirts. The costs are passed along to all of us in the form of higher drug costs and more costly insurance premiums. Bottom line, you let this get this far because it's what you have to do. I suspect that you've had dozens of doctor tease/flirtations that started out the same way but just did not spin out of control in the way this one did. If your fiance likes the income you make from your job, he's got to live with the collateral damage. You can rationalize it all you want, but you are a highly paid professional flirt. The sad thing is that all of us patients ultimately fund all these little teasing flirtation games that are repeated in doctors office after doctors office across the country. I know you're just part of the system that has been created by others. But the money wasted on this just makes me sick.
wronglyaccused Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Just tell your fiance you were just doing your job. Your are not only a flirt, but you are a professional flirt. Ever wonder why 80% of the pharma sales reps are good-looking women 25 to 40 years old? Every time I go to the Dr.'s office, there's some young, MILFy cutie with a box of doughnuts or a bag full of free drug samples who usually strolls through the waiting room and is ushered into the Dr.'s office for a sales visit. Their job is to get facetime with the Dr. and deliver the pre-canned case from pharma central on why they should prescribe Lipitor instead of some other random statin. Or why they should use this piece of equipment over another similar piece of equipment. Nerdy doctors who spent their college years with their nose in a book and their 20s working ungodly hours as interns are unusually susceptible to attractive intelligent women flirting / teasing them while selling them on the virtues of their particular product. Of course, most of the time, the doctor never pays for any of the treatements recommended by these flirts. The costs are passed along to all of us in the form of higher drug costs and more costly insurance premiums. Bottom line, you let this get this far because it's what you have to do. I suspect that you've had dozens of doctor tease/flirtations that started out the same way but just did not spin out of control in the way this one did. If your fiance likes the income you make from your job, he's got to live with the collateral damage. You can rationalize it all you want, but you are a highly paid professional flirt. The sad thing is that all of us patients ultimately fund all these little teasing flirtation games that are repeated in doctors office after doctors office across the country. I know you're just part of the system that has been created by others. But the money wasted on this just makes me sick. Dear MarriedTex, It is funny that you said that... I am not a pharm rep... I actuallty go into doctors offices and teach them functional medicine and how to get their patients off of drugs like statins that are killing Americans... Although... the the job is a little different... the game is the same... Sure there is some flirting that takes place... but NEVER EVER EVER... have I had to deal with something like this... I will chalk it up to a learning experience... and know how to handle it better next time. Thank you for your input.
Author MB2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 (edited) Hi wronglyaccused, Phew, I'm tired. You asked what I was doing up so late. I was making tamales. I knew they were involved and time consuming but I didn't know just how long and involved...but they came out great. Anyway, I'll have to take you at your word that you weren't enjoying the flirtation and that you had another agenda. MB will either get over it and trust you or he won't. It's up to him now. You've done all you can do. I think he's making way too much of it. A person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. And in the end, you didn't hide anything. He will do more damage to the relationship by not letting this go than any damage you did by crossing the line a bit. Also as an aside, is there any way you can start a thread about this statin issue you brought up? You scared me as my H has been on them for a little over a year now. I've been wanting him to wean himself off of them but he refuses. Are there some good studies out there about the benefits vs. the risks? Thanks in advance for any info you can give me or even if you can point me in the right direction as far as reliable and credible info on this. And good luck with MB. Tell him I said to lay off of you now and let this go already! ok i will lay off and let this go after this post!!! lol but there is a little backdrop to the situation that hasnt really been talked about. this is a new relationship, we met several months ago and pretty much fell in love at first site. i know thats risky because there there a a lot of little things that we still dont know about each other. these little things dont have to be deal breakers but they will cause some bumps in the road along the way. i trusted her blindly before this ordeal, and to tell you the truth i still trust her. i dont know for sure why but i still do. i just think she is asking a lot of me to not be concerned over this. and, it may not be so bad but this weekend alone she was receiving texts and emails from 3 different men!! one was someone she dated who text her and told her he was in town. she relpied that she was at her fiancee's house and he was pretty much floored. number 2 was a doctor that she went out with that is trying to get her to move to his state. he knows nothing of me and she just ignores his texts and voice mails. and the third is a coworker who asks her out and sends her "good morning beautiful" texts. this one knows nothing of me either becasue she is afraid that somehow it may make her look bad at her job if everyone knew that she had a boyfriend. so you combine the 3 day sexting thing with the fact that three other men were texting and calling this weekend that know nothing of me and it all starts making me question things. and then you combine the third thing, and you better be sitting down for this!! this weekend she asks me how i would feel if that when she moves up here and we get married that she is thinking about moving her x husband up here and hiring him to work for her!!!! this is a husband that she isnt even legally divorced from until the end of the month. now im a pretty laid back guy and confident in myself and trusting in my significant other. but seriously??? why would you even have to ask that question??? it will never be about "us". its 3 day sexting with clients, its 3 different guys texting and calling all weekend that know nothing about me, and thne the possibility that when we get married she may move her x husband up here and hire him to work with her all day!!! yes it bothered me that she was sexting someone for 3 days yes it bothered me that 3 different men were calling and texting this weekend that are wanting a relationship with her and yes it bothered me that she even had to ask if it would bother me if she moved her x husband up and hired him to work with her. each one of these things may not be to big of a deal in itself, but all three in one week???? is there any wonder that i am confused as to her actual intentions and feelings??? i dont know if any of this is even real or not or if she is just completly oblivious to how things may come across to me. blind faith only goes so far, especially when the other party is pushing it to the limits in a new relationship. either way, im about to give up. like i said i will let this go but i just dont know where to go from here, maybe i just need some time to process everything. Edited July 6, 2010 by MB2010
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I can understand and appreciate where you are both coming from. You both have valid points. FOR THE RECORD, I do not think the OP is at all trying to throw his fiancée under the bus. Your behavior can be justified (humans as masters at justification). It can be explained as part of the job, or "within the lines." It might even be acceptable to some couples. For my wife and I - if either one of us had a text log like that - HUGE DEAL BREAKER! I am sure that our relationship of 17+ years would not end, but it would be a marital confidence sapper, a rough several days after the discovery/ revelation, and a long road to feeling confident about our marriage again... It would really throw me for a loop. I would question my wife's emotional fidelity. I would question her ability to know other's intentions, and how to define appropriate boundaries. I would have a real hard time trusting her. Perhaps some would define us a little too prudish at times, but I would rather be that then putting my wife in a position to wonder if I am / will be / can be faithful (on all levels). We know how to have a good time with others, and we do it on occasions (parties for example) when we both are present and can witness each other’s shenanigans. The incidents I can think of are almost always with people we know well and know as a couple... reducing the need to wonder if one can trust their spouse or not. It works well for us!
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 MB, I just read your most recent update... Several things bothered me. But that's just the lens I am viewing it from. What really needs to happen here is the two of you need to sit down and clearly define what is right and what is wrong in your eyes. She is obviously a little more liberal, and may have no bad intentions as far as fidelity goes, but the two of you need to better define what is good, bad, and inbetween for the two of you!
vestigalvirgin Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 MB, seems like your fiancee has a pretty large need for male attention. Also, she's still married, right? Go slow on this. I would suggest several months of relationship counseling and individual therapy for your fiancee before you even consider tying the knot. There seem to be a lot of issues underlying this. Also Bond Girl if you wouldn't mind posting your tamale recipe it would be greatly appreciated.
ComputerJock Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You think you did nothing wrong. He thinks you were fishing for complements or worse, setting something up. You are on a site where men and women have been cheated on and hurt badly to the point of divorce and in some cases suicide. Yes, he came here for help. No, he will not let it go, it is going to be in the back of his mind for the rest of your relationship. What you did is stir up doubt in your ability to set bounderies. It will take time for him. You need to be open and transparent (see other posts for meaning.) He feels like he is a BS and you a WS. You can be as pissed off as you want, but he is the one YOU hurt. Wake up and grow up, doctor make stupid mistakes all the time. They are called dead people.
Author MB2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Truthfully, I still have a funny feeling about wronglyaccused. She accepts full responsibility for her actions on one hand but denies it on the other. Even her screen name on here is not exactly accurate. She WASN'T wrongly accused. She was guilty of what you accused her of. Exactly bondgirl!! thats been my problem all along, she thinks she is being wrongly accused. i honestly dont think she would have physically cheated, i dont think that for a second. but, she really doesnt see that she did that much wrong. actually in her eyes i seem to be more in the wrong for being upset about than she was for having this three day fling. and as far as the other three guys texting her this weekend i agree with you it wasnt that big of a deal. the guy at work she doesnt want to know about me becasue she is afraid it will look bad to her boss since her divorce isnt final yet, they have been apart for almost 4 years it just the legal end of it isnt final. and, i can understand why she is trying to keep it all on the down low. but, its just one thing after another after another...... she did tell the one guy that she was at her fiancees and he was pretty shocked, so he kept texting her back asking if she was serious, finally she asked him "what does it matter to him? yet again leaving the door open for more dialogue. its a pattern of hers to not close any doors and keep things going, as its pretty apparent in the three day chat log.
2sunny Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 HI Everyone Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help my fiance and I hash this out... I really appreciate all the feedback. I had thought that my fiance understood me and my intentions... but from reading what he had to say in response to your feedback... I can see that there is still a lot of anger and resentment in his statements... I agreed to allow him to post this with an understanding that he tells the whole truth... but I feel that he is being misleading and trying to throw me under the bus to make himself feel better about the situation. So... here I am... 1 o'clock in the morning... pleading my case... First off... I am a doctor... and would like to consider myself not totally incompetent when it comes to reading people and men... I never said I did not know what was going on... or denied that the whole situation got out of hand. What I have been trying to explain to him.. is that the text log was not as it looked to be... He keeps on trying to say that the texting went on for three days... and the only reason I told him was because I was with him and was afraid the guy was going to text me and he would find out... What he fails to see is that I could have easily just turned my phone off and he would have never found out. Although I might not have handled the situation in the best manner... I did not do it out of any disrespect for him... nor did I continue it to stroke my ego in any way... If asked... I am sure my fiance will have to be the first one to admit that have many respectable suiters to stroke my ego... enough so that I do not need this snot nose kid of a doctor talking disrespectfully to me in order for me to get kicks... Here's how it went down... In my line of work... I always answer my phone... not matter what time of night it is... Im kind of always on call... that's not what my fiance has a problem with... his problem is that the doctor was hitting on me after hours... From the beginning... I really did not think much about it... because... another thing that my fiance failed to mention is... although I had just met this doctor... he and I graduated from the same school and knew some of the same people.. so from the start... there was kind of a friendship of sort... I looked at him more like a collegue than a client... so when he was being overly friendly... I really did not think much of it... not because I was stupid... but because I just did not think it was that big of a deal.... not sure if this matters... but I live in Texas... where men call women sweetheart on a daily basis... and are overly friendly and flirtacious... When he first told me about going to the gym... I was just curious if we went to the same gym because we lived in the same area... when he asked me to go... I declined... my fiance busted me on saying that I would take a raincheck... At this point I still did not feel there was a need to say he was being inappropriate... I felt that I declined in a way that would not make the guy uncomfortable or me look like an idiot if his intentions were innocent. The next day... he text me in the morning... I tried to keep it to business... he took it to the next level... I think there were several places where I tried to let him know that I was not interested in anything but a working relationship. I said some things to smooth over the fact that yes you were inappropriate but it's cool... we are cool... let's try to stay focused on work... I am sure those statements could have been misunderstood by some as... me trying to continue the conversation... or even egging on his bad behavior... By the middle of the second day when things got really out of hand... at some point I realized that there was no saving the professional relationship with this guy... I just thought to myself... eff it... this kid wants to play... okay lets play.... Probably not the best decision on my part... but never did I have the intentions of flirting with this douche bag or was I enjoying it like it was turning me on and I was flattered by him talking to me in a demeaning manner... When I smiled at him.... it did not mean that I liked it or that I was happy... It was simply... your question is so ridiculous that I have no intentions of answering you.. dumb a**!!! when I said whatever you want it to mean.. I meant... what ever you want it to mean.... I knew exactly what I was doing... I was leading the guy on without ever directly answering any of his questions... and then I was going to nail the sale without ever sleeping with him.... or giving into anything that he wanted... I don't feel that I am guilty for saying anything inappropriate.... I never said that I was going to come to his office without my underwear... I never said that I was was going to sleep with him... I never said that I was going to send him a naked picture of myself... The only thing that I am guilty for is... not ending it sooner... And to be totally honest... I probably would have ended it if it were not for the fact that the situation upset my fiance so much.... Not because I got off on the thrill of having a realtionship with the douche bag doctor.... but for me there would have been a satisfaction in using him for a sale.... Ethical... probably not... and that is not how I usually handle my business... but in his case... well deserved! So in conclusion... What I did was wrong.... I get that... I came clean and was totally honest about the situation... not for fear that he was going to find out... but because it was the right thing to do... I have apologized to my fiance a million times over... When I realized how upset he was I immediately turned the account over to another rep. and severed all ties with the doctor... I have taken every step to make things right for him... I even let him post this blog up... My question is... when is it going to be enough??????? After reading his replies to your responses... I can't help but feel he is trying to throw me under the bus to make himself feel better... Am I crazy? you are not crazy - you just lie to make it work to your benefit. you seriously deceive at every turn - contradictions in your story are EVERYWHERE. just because you are a doctor doesn't make it possible for you to read people well... you are only a master manipulator. admit it. you stop at almost nothing in order to get what you want. let this guy go - he deserves better. now im a pretty laid back guy and confident in myself and trusting in my significant other. but seriously??? why would you even have to ask that question??? it will never be about "us". its 3 day sexting with clients, its 3 different guys texting and calling all weekend that know nothing about me, and thne the possibility that when we get married she may move her x husband up here and hire him to work with her all day!!! yes it bothered me that she was sexting someone for 3 days yes it bothered me that 3 different men were calling and texting this weekend that are wanting a relationship with her and yes it bothered me that she even had to ask if it would bother me if she moved her x husband up and hired him to work with her. each one of these things may not be to big of a deal in itself, but all three in one week???? is there any wonder that i am confused as to her actual intentions and feelings??? i'd never marry her if i was a guy. she's shows you no respect. she has another agenda. with holding the truth is still a lie. your fiance willingly uses men to her benefit - especially if she never has to tell them about YOU. is that enough for you? it wouldn't be for me... she never tells about YOU because she is still wanting to get something else from them. be it attention, an ego stroke, using them for a sale, money. any way you look at it she justifies a TON of deceptive behavior, actions and thoughts. since she readily admits that this IS the core of the way she intends to operate - just expect her to do that to you as well - as long as you stick around. why would you want to stick around a lying, sneaky and manipulative woman? a gal that justifies bad behavior to the tenth degree... even at your expense by misleading men in order to get money. i wouldn't even choose her as my friend.
2sunny Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Exactly bondgirl!! thats been my problem all along, she thinks she is being wrongly accused. i honestly dont think she would have physically cheated, i dont think that for a second. but, she really doesnt see that she did that much wrong. actually in her eyes i seem to be more in the wrong for being upset about than she was for having this three day fling. and as far as the other three guys texting her this weekend i agree with you it wasnt that big of a deal. the guy at work she doesnt want to know about me becasue she is afraid it will look bad to her boss since her divorce isnt final yet, they have been apart for almost 4 years it just the legal end of it isnt final. and, i can understand why she is trying to keep it all on the down low. but, its just one thing after another after another...... she did tell the one guy that she was at her fiancees and he was pretty shocked, so he kept texting her back asking if she was serious, finally she asked him "what does it matter to him? yet again leaving the door open for more dialogue. its a pattern of hers to not close any doors and keep things going, as its pretty apparent in the three day chat log. this doesn't make it any better. to even WONDER if she MIGHT is stealing your peace of mind. if she uses her manipulation of men like a weapon - and it looks like she does, since she has shown this much evidence... it's not worth spending any more time with her. she would have to completely change the core inner being of herself - as well as the way she operates in every area of her life for me to consider her motives as a decent person.
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