confused1980 Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 hi, i've been dating this woman for more than 5 years. we've had our ups and downs, survived LDR, broke up, got together again, and we're in a very good place right now (i love her very much). except that for the summer we're living in separate states, and i'm living in a big city. about 4 weeks ago at my summer job, i've met this beautiful/smart/talented/interesting woman. she's absolutely lovely, and we had this immediate empathy at first sight. she's completely different from my gf (who's a bit on the shy side), and we like the same things in life, enjoy parties, socializing (we're both always surrounded by lots of people at work), and we share many ideals (most of them my gf absolutely abominates). i always feel great around her, and i think the feeling is mutual. anyway, from the beginning she started making clear how much she admires me, keep telling me how smart she thinks i am, and teasing me, and outright flirting with me. the situation hit a point where she does pretty much anything she can to draw my attention, including mentioning that she's a nymphomaniac (!). she invited me over to her place, but i brought a friend with me so that nothing stupid would happen (the guy of course ended up falling in love with her, but that's another story . she played and sang for me, which made me like her even more, and we went to a couple of bars afterwards, where she would keep trying to get me drunk (!) and tease me. so last week, after she was way too cute bringing me coffee to my office, i thought this was going out of line and told her about my gf over email. she replied instantly saying that she already suspected i had a girlfriend, and that she had had experience with women before, that she loved it, and that she wasn't entirely straight... so i reply that well, she should try and remember her straight sexual prefs whenever she's around me, b/c i really love my gf, and would like for us to be just friends. then she said that she'd never cheat on someone, that she's quite good on not attacking people in relationships, and that i didn't need to worry. so today i texted her asking advice on a place to visit at the big city (she's been living there since 1999), and she replied that she couldn't talk right now, that she didn't feel like partying, and would tell me later why. then i asked her if she's alright, and she says she bumped into her ex-husband (they divorced in 2003) yesterday, and that she wasn't feeling well, and didn't feel like texting anymore. she's usually incredibly polite to everyone, so the part about "not texting anymore" was quite awkward. what does that mean? should i try and stop seeing her? i really like her, the moments we have are great, but should i see this as a sign for "i don't wanna see you anymore"? thanks, confused1980
lolapalooza Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 See her anymore for what? You've already told her you have a GF and just want to be friends. Didn't you mean that?
Author confused1980 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 i did mean it! i was referring to seeing her as friends. don't see why we should avoid each other, and she said the same. but then she sent me this msg about her feeling bad b/c of her ex husband, and the whole part about not feeling like texting anymore was just so weird and uncalled for (i was not asking her out, only asked about a bar). so that's why i'm asking: what does it mean? was this her way of saying she doesn't wanna see me anymore, not even as a friend? or was it she trying to make me "jealous"? should i try and start avoiding her at work??
Author confused1980 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 well, i do feel attracted to her, so maybe still remaining friends and seeing her at work wouldn't be good anyway.
lolapalooza Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 well, i do feel attracted to her, so maybe still remaining friends and seeing her at work wouldn't be good anyway. Probably not.
sadintexas Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 There's more there for you than just a friendship, a normal friendship that is. You're attracted to her and go in great detail to us explaining why she's fabulous. You also compare her to your g/f and I wonder why? What does that really have to do with someone that's your friend? Would you be doing the same things if it was a guy you were hanging out with? No lol. Also interesting is that you don't mention your g/f around this woman for quite a while. It sounds like you've been out socially with her a few times so it's a bit inappropriate that she didn't know you had a g/f. So what do you do? First realize that you have bit of a crush on her at the least. You can either really be a friend to her as you would to any regular person or you let her keep her distance and keep your priorities straight. I recommend the latter.
Fallen Angel Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I think you are more attatched than you are trying to lead us to believe. If one of my platonic friends said they were feeling poorly after a run-in with an ex and they didn't feel like texting anymore right then, I wouldn't question if that meant they wanted to end our friendship. I would take them at their word that they had experienced a bad encounter with someone and were not in a mood to chat right then. That's all, nothing more. If you only are interested in freindship with her, why would you jump to any other conclusions about it? :confused:
Author confused1980 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I think you are more attatched than you are trying to lead us to believe. If one of my platonic friends said they were feeling poorly after a run-in with an ex and they didn't feel like texting anymore right then, I wouldn't question if that meant they wanted to end our friendship. I would take them at their word that they had experienced a bad encounter with someone and were not in a mood to chat right then. That's all, nothing more. If you only are interested in freindship with her, why would you jump to any other conclusions about it? :confused: yes, i think you're right... the fact that i'm not able to take the girl's message just as what it is, and even that i'm posting about it here definitely means that this has ran out of control. it just doesn't make sense, and it's the first time this is happening to me in all these 5 years. i've had silly platonic crushes before (and i'm sure my gf has had her share too, who doesn't?), but i'd never worry about it so much and it would just pass in a week. this one, however, has been for almost 3 weeks now. i also think sadintexas is right too. i've been hanging out with a guy, and definitely am not making comparisons between him and my gf! this girl did know, however, that i am in a relationship since day 1. she just pretended she thought it was a boyfriend. i didn't want to explicitly come out at work, she was the one pressuring me to know more about this person. honestly, i just wish i hadn't come here and hadn't met her. we haven't done anything, but the fact that i'm thinking about all this already feels like i'm betraying my gf (((((((
sadintexas Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 You're right in that it's normal to have crushes. It's what you do with them that makes the difference. You stopped it before it really crossed a line. That's a good thing. You haven't done anything wrong. But it is probably best to leave this friend alone now and concentrate on your platonic friends for the duration of your summer .
September Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Maybe you gave her some signals that you were interested/attracted to her. Then you told her to back off as you had a girlfriend. She is probably feeling very rejected and has used running into her exH as an excuse. Don't reel her in just to let her down again... I hope you work out who you want to be with!
lso802 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 If you're committed to your gf, then leave this one alone. I was in a similar situation. I'm glad I just let that one go. It wasn't only for the girl but for myself, since I've got to look at myself in the mirror everyday.
LongLostSoul Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Been in a similair situation myself and still sorting it all out.... take it from me... if you can avoid it, please do!
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