girl18 Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Hey all, I have been dating a guy for 2 months now that I met on a dating site. He is a great guy, takes me out all the time, calls everyday, gentleman, compliments me, he met a couple of my friends and they all like him. However he never tells me how he feels about me, if he even likes me, never asks if i'm even seeing someone else, nothing. One time recently I asked him if he's seeing anyone else and asked him what we are. He said he's not seeing anyone else and likes to take things slow and have the relationship evolve itself. He said this is how it was with his ex and he's sorry but it's just how he is. He was in a relationship for 7 years that ended 2 years ago. I waited about 10 dates until I slept with him. Part of the reason why is because I have an STD (herpes) and I was scared of how he would react. I ended up being honest and telling him I had an STD and he never even asked me which one it was. weird..i mean it could have been HIV for all he knows. We only see eachother 1-2 times a week since we have difficult work schedules (he usually works till 10pm). Am I overreacting? I dont' really have any other complaints about him I just want to be his girlfriend and feel like he doesn't really care. I mean aren't you on a dating site for a reason?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Green Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Go with your gut instincts and talk to him about all this stuff. You make a good point about the STI... I wonder why he didn't ask. Did you ask him if he had STI's?
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 If he works a lot maybe he doesn't believe in seeing a relationship as work. You are his "relaxation". Time with you he just gets you enjoy for what it is! Could be a factor why he doesn't complicate it with effort and words, that you (and most women) would want in the dynamic.
TheLoneSock Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 (edited) I still fail to see the issue here. Don't sabotage your relationship by demanding he slap a label on it, which is exactly what you're doing. After going through enough girls myself to know that keepers are few and far between, I don't blame him for taking it slow and being cautious. It's only been 2 months. As for the STD, it is ok to ask him directly how he feels about it. If there is something holding him back, I would guess that's it. No offense to you, but you will have herpes in your body for the rest of your life; I personally wouldn't want to deal with that in a long term relationship. Edited July 4, 2010 by TheLoneSock added
Author girl18 Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 TheLoneSock...we have sex all the time and sometimes even unprotected. he doesn't seem to care and i have no clue why. i guess either he really does like me or he's just really uneducated about STDs
Pfiend101 Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Im suprised you let him have unprotected sex with you. I would possibly start to question whether or not he has anything himself.
TheLoneSock Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 TheLoneSock...we have sex all the time and sometimes even unprotected. he doesn't seem to care and i have no clue why. i guess either he really does like me or he's just really uneducated about STDs Hmm. That's kind of scary. I don't really know what to say to that, honestly.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hey all, I have been dating a guy for 2 months now that I met on a dating site. He is a great guy, takes me out all the time, calls everyday, gentleman, compliments me, he met a couple of my friends and they all like him. However he never tells me how he feels about me, if he even likes me, never asks if i'm even seeing someone else, nothing. One time recently I asked him if he's seeing anyone else and asked him what we are. He said he's not seeing anyone else and likes to take things slow and have the relationship evolve itself. He said this is how it was with his ex and he's sorry but it's just how he is. He was in a relationship for 7 years that ended 2 years ago. I waited about 10 dates until I slept with him. Part of the reason why is because I have an STD (herpes) and I was scared of how he would react. I ended up being honest and telling him I had an STD and he never even asked me which one it was. weird..i mean it could have been HIV for all he knows. We only see eachother 1-2 times a week since we have difficult work schedules (he usually works till 10pm). Am I overreacting? I dont' really have any other complaints about him I just want to be his girlfriend and feel like he doesn't really care. I mean aren't you on a dating site for a reason?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. In truth it sounds like you've done just about everything right. And it is possible that he too may have the same STD (and of course it could be another one as well. If indeed you are "18", it might just be that you need a dose of confidence about how well you are indeed progressing. IF you want to open more dialogue on his feelings for you... make a number of statements beginning with "I" (as in "I feel...", "I think...", "I wish...", "I want...") and don't accuse him of any wrongdoing. You really are a lot better off than you probably perceive yourself to be, and you were awesome in telling him honestly about your STD.
prettybaby Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Well you've only been dating for 8 weeks. For some people (especially those who aren't serial daters and who have mainly stuck to solid long term relationships), it's hard to make moves so quickly. And really, 8 weeks isn't long enough to be called a relationship. His lack of reaction about the STD though: VERY worrisome!!!!
crimsonmike Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hey all, I have been dating a guy for 2 months now that I met on a dating site. He is a great guy, takes me out all the time, calls everyday, gentleman, compliments me, he met a couple of my friends and they all like him. However he never tells me how he feels about me, if he even likes me, never asks if i'm even seeing someone else, nothing. One time recently I asked him if he's seeing anyone else and asked him what we are. He said he's not seeing anyone else and likes to take things slow and have the relationship evolve itself. He said this is how it was with his ex and he's sorry but it's just how he is. He was in a relationship for 7 years that ended 2 years ago. I waited about 10 dates until I slept with him. Part of the reason why is because I have an STD (herpes) and I was scared of how he would react. I ended up being honest and telling him I had an STD and he never even asked me which one it was. weird..i mean it could have been HIV for all he knows. We only see eachother 1-2 times a week since we have difficult work schedules (he usually works till 10pm). Am I overreacting? I dont' really have any other complaints about him I just want to be his girlfriend and feel like he doesn't really care. I mean aren't you on a dating site for a reason?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Yes, I think you are overreacting. I prefer to move things along myself. To me, 8 weeks is plenty of time to know if I want to move things along. However, as you can see from the post above, it is not for many people. If you start trying to force him into something you will torpedo the whole deal. Trust me on this. I've done it. STD thing is very strange. Can't figure why he wouldn't ask.
Author girl18 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Sorry for the confusion I am actually 25 and he is 30.
bittersweet memories Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 TheLoneSock...we have sex all the time and sometimes even unprotected. he doesn't seem to care and i have no clue why. i guess either he really does like me or he's just really uneducated about STDs Maybe he trust you if you would have a outbreak you will tell him, like you did having an STD. That must of been so hard to do telling the person you have this STD. Many will keep quiet. Kudos to you!
Author girl18 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Maybe he trust you if you would have a outbreak you will tell him, like you did having an STD. That must of been so hard to do telling the person you have this STD. Many will keep quiet. Kudos to you! Thank you It was very hard but I have never ever had a genital outbreak, only cold sores on my lips which I get about 4 times a year. However, i still tested positive for Herpes 1 (oral herpes) and Herpes 2 (genital herpes). I told him that I've never had symptoms so maybe that is why he isnt freaking out. Trust me having an STD sucks but it's sort of a blessing in disguise because it shows me peoples true colors. This guy chose to look past it and stick around instead of running for the hills. It doesn't define who I am. But yeah, it still sucks having it. Thanks for all the comments and advice guys
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