Nikki Sahagin Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Without going into too much detail, because i'm paranoid my ex will somehow read this, I know for DEFINATE tonight that I cannot speak to my ex again, unless he travelled through the depths of hell, juggled unicorns and walked across broken glass for 50 years with a sign around his neck saying 'i'm a ****'. Even though I thought I was over my ex and in many ways am, I am still upset and angry by what I discovered. I have realised he is a selfish, ego-driven, manipulative, cruel, narcissistic, attention-seeking person who only wishes to bring me down and ruin my happiness. He doesn't care about me, he cares about what I can bring to his ego; the compliments, my attention, the 'I love you's.' I finally told him to never speak to me again. Its hit me all over again. He is a nasty person who cannot be honest and does not want whats best for me. He just hurts me over and over in any way that he can. This is really hard for me so though I know all the tricks to help myself through, I just want some kind words if anybody has any. My best friend turned love of my life turned enemy. He just feels like one big conman, a huge part of me is angry at myself for ever being taken in by such a man. He wears such a nice, charming facade but I swear he is Hitler reincarnated. Enjoy your life you douche; enjoy all the girls and holidays and drinks...because no-one will give you what I could and I know that for a fact. You will never see or speak to me again if I can help it. So I hope what you traded me for is worth it, you lying, hypocritical, insecure coward. You will never have real women, because you aren't a real man.
spriggig Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Without going into too much detail, because i'm paranoid my ex will somehow read this... And this is a problem because...?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 Well, I just don't want him to know that he gets to me. I will go into some detail though if it helps people with my story. Basically my ex has gone travelling the states, we are from Europe. He is in touch every now and again, mainly being VERY nosey and I never give anything away. He sends me very probing texts and though I claimed I didn't want to know has informed me he is now seeing a girl and wants to be my friend. The way he 'dropped this bombshell' I found very cruel and harsh; just randomly after I said I DIDN'T want to know. Then he says he wants to be friends...which of course I DON'T know if I want. I actually DON'T know what I want at all. Part of me loves him. A lot of me hates him. Part of me likes him. Part of me strongly dislikes him. I don't trust him. I can't ever tell whether he is lying or being honest. I don't know what I want from him. I don't know how to decipher him, as all the contact is through texts or emails. I don't know whether or not to bother explaining this to him (my once best friend) or just let it go. Part of me feels (a large part of me) that letting our friendship go would become my regret. But yet I'm also aware he makes me unhappy, though it is hard to know whether this is because of the medium of our contact. I am torn between regret for letting the friendship go and the fear of basically just being used and abused as his 'friend.'
spriggig Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Well, I just don't want him to know that he gets to me. Fair enough, I thought you might be afraid of him because he abused you or something like that. I don't trust him. How could you be friends with someone you don't trust? Do you have other friends you don't trust, or would he be the only one?
Treasa Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 I have realised he is a selfish, ego-driven, manipulative, cruel, narcissistic, attention-seeking person who only wishes to bring me down and ruin my happiness. The key word in this is narcissistic. My recent ex is also a selfish, ego-driven, manipulative, blah blah blah NARCISSIST. That's the whole point of a narcissist. They are all of these things. I've been doing a LOT of intense study on narcissism lately, found an online support group for "victims" of narcissists, and I'm telling you that your ex is keeping you strung along for friendship because you act as his backup narcissistic supply. Please cut all contact with him, block him, do whatever you have to do to maintain NC. He doesn't want to even be friends with you, really. He's just keeping you in contact in case something happens to the other narcissistic supply (the other girl). In case you want to learn more, go to lisaescott dot com Your ex sounds a lot like my ex, except my ex is a dud who doesn't actually do much. But he's still selfish, ego-driven, thinks the world of himself, is manipulative and cruel (yet making himself out to be the "wounded hero" at times), and is a narcissist. I haven't spoken to him in almost a couple of weeks, and I'm finally starting to heal. Go NC, don't let him contact you, or at least please go visit that site I referenced above.
Treasa Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Part of me loves him. A lot of me hates him. Part of me likes him. Part of me strongly dislikes him. I don't trust him. I can't ever tell whether he is lying or being honest. Yup, I daresay you were with a narcissist. Few can do a number on our intelligent heads like they can.
willirecover Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hi nikki ive been popping in and out of here 4 nearly a year now and read many of your posts, I 2 have been treated like you and feel its the hurt and misery they caused for there own selfishness thats the problem I 2 seen the ex as my best friend lover you name it, its them ****ing with your head thats the problem its like they have died but they were never realy alive in the first place? does that make sense? when your loving and caring and willing to do anything for them and they cruely throw it in your face its so hard to understand! in my case she had my child we were together 4 6 yrs then like that shes gone and 5 days after the promise of counciling shes ****ing someone else and to make it easy so i dnt ask her any questions at all she rubs the details in on that same day by call and text! i called 4 my lil girl yesterday and she answered the phone i know she done it on purpose shes so cruel! i dont want contact with her but love my daughter its so tough i just want to not know the ex not speek 2 her txt nothing! Ihope you heal well but u really need to change your numbers so he cnt contact u , u will feel so much better, i get stronger but then she makes contact on purpose and i cnt move on! but i hav a child involved! break the contact nikki itl be tough but u will get through!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Fair enough, I thought you might be afraid of him because he abused you or something like that. How could you be friends with someone you don't trust? Do you have other friends you don't trust, or would he be the only one? Hmmm, I do have MANY friends I don't trust but not within my inner circle. So I would say, sadly, yes I do have friendships that don't have much or complete trust, but are more friends to hang out with for a fun night than deep and meaningful friendships. I find it very hard to trust people as i'm naturally quite suspicious and circumstance seems to have led me to many untrustworthy types (mainly from immature school days though).
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 The key word in this is narcissistic. My recent ex is also a selfish, ego-driven, manipulative, blah blah blah NARCISSIST. That's the whole point of a narcissist. They are all of these things. I've been doing a LOT of intense study on narcissism lately, found an online support group for "victims" of narcissists, and I'm telling you that your ex is keeping you strung along for friendship because you act as his backup narcissistic supply. Please cut all contact with him, block him, do whatever you have to do to maintain NC. He doesn't want to even be friends with you, really. He's just keeping you in contact in case something happens to the other narcissistic supply (the other girl). In case you want to learn more, go to lisaescott dot com Your ex sounds a lot like my ex, except my ex is a dud who doesn't actually do much. But he's still selfish, ego-driven, thinks the world of himself, is manipulative and cruel (yet making himself out to be the "wounded hero" at times), and is a narcissist. I haven't spoken to him in almost a couple of weeks, and I'm finally starting to heal. Go NC, don't let him contact you, or at least please go visit that site I referenced above. Thanks Treasa. When I called him narcissistic, thats my description of him, but he isn't mentally registered as a narcissist or anything like that. The terrible thing is, i'm so lost in my own sense of judgement, perception and boundaries at the minute and i'm SO fickle and indesicive that I literally don't know WHAT to make of him. Its a toss up between, Will I regret not being 'big' enough to try to be his friend and lose my best friend? Baring in mind this is a year down the line since our break-up. Or will I regret being his friend? Will this hurt me more? Both of these hurt me terribly.
Amber24 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 He will probably keep hurting you because this is just how he operates and you know it! That is tough, he sounds very similar to my ex and it is so hard to get out of that cycle... Be strong!
Treasa Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Thanks Treasa. When I called him narcissistic, thats my description of him, but he isn't mentally registered as a narcissist or anything like that. *sigh* Narcissists don't register like sex offenders, and they often don't think there's anything wrong with them, so they often don't see anyone in order to get diagnosed as such. That doesn't mean he's not a narcissist. Do you feel used or strung along? It certainly looks that way to me. He wants to make sure he always has someone waiting who will give him he ego stroking or attention he needs, even if it's not in a romantic capacity. The cognitive dissonance you're experiencing - you love him, you hate him, you remember the good times, you remember the bad, etc. - is another symptom of having been with a narcissist. I really wish you would go to the message boards of that site I mentioned. Again, it's lisaescott dot com. Please just go to the message boards and do some reading, or at least Google narcissism or narcissistic abuse. And I still think you should cut ties with him. I really think it would make you feel a lot better. I don't think you're happy now, being in contact with him, or else you wouldn't be posting the things you have been.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I will check out your link now:) All I can say is thank god for this forum and thank god for kind, understanding people who take the time to read and care about other peoples problems. I am really struggling at the moment. I feel like life laid out ahead of me is just a wasteland. I feel depressed, cold, empty, sad, angry, self-pitying, jealous, miserable...so it really means a lot to have people read my posts and reply. More than any of you will ever know. When you feel like you are actually in hell, you guys are kind of the light at the end of the tunnel:)
mickleb Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Juggling unicorns is some outstanding imagery, Nikki! How funny! I think it sounds like you need more good friends, rather than desperately hanging onto flaky ones that make you feel sh*t, doesn't it? x
Treasa Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 ^^ This. I find I don't miss my ex much. I just miss having good friends.
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