Conflicting personalities that lead us to fights.

[NoNameSoWifeDontFlip]

First Post, so bear with me... My wife posts on here and I want some unbiased opinions as this site seems to do well for her.

 

So my wife is the nervous, excitable, hears any kid sigh and she leaps up to check on our kids type, (we have 4 kids BTW, oldest is 7). While I am easy going, laid back, and go with the flow type with a super-hero complex.

 

Specifically when in public, my wife will start to get nervous about various situations in regards to the kids or even when it is just us. When I try to help calm her, I will usually just try to suggest things to her like; "Hey Baby, take it easy, its OK" or "I got this, you just sit down". She views this as I am trying to insert my "control" on her and says it is embarrassing and demeans her. It is in my nature to try and help her when I see her struggling...

 

How do I help my wife with this without her flipping out on me??

 

I love my wife dearly, but she is so skittish that it seems no mater how calm I am; It just irritates her more and causes her to blow up larger! When I just stay passive and quiet, it is a "You are not helping the marriage by not talking about this", but will then take 2 words of what I say and jump to a conclusion about it. (I do have a tendency to be long-winded)

 

Any help or has any one else had a similar situation?

[Ronni_W]

Long-term, it might be that learning some relaxation techniques will help her; also to get to the bottom of her fearfulness/anxiety. Maybe marriage counseling for the both of you...to learn how to improve how you are perceiving, and communicating with, each other. Sounds like there's more negativity and pessimism going on, than love, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. On both sides.

 

Short-term. It seems that actions/words you deem to be supportive and helpful, she deems to be controlling, embarrassing and demeaning.

So, change how you're doing your part. Say to effect of, "Looks like you're starting to get stressed about <name the situation>. How can I help?" Alternatively, "Is my perception accurate that <name the situation> is causing you to start feeling anxious? How can I help?"

 

Best of luck.

[mem11363]

I just ask "what can I do to help?" Thats it. If she says "nothing" then I just shut up. If she has something specific she wants, I do it.

 

 

First Post, so bear with me... My wife posts on here and I want some unbiased opinions as this site seems to do well for her.

 

So my wife is the nervous, excitable, hears any kid sigh and she leaps up to check on our kids type, (we have 4 kids BTW, oldest is 7). While I am easy going, laid back, and go with the flow type with a super-hero complex.

 

Specifically when in public, my wife will start to get nervous about various situations in regards to the kids or even when it is just us. When I try to help calm her, I will usually just try to suggest things to her like; "Hey Baby, take it easy, its OK" or "I got this, you just sit down". She views this as I am trying to insert my "control" on her and says it is embarrassing and demeans her. It is in my nature to try and help her when I see her struggling...

 

How do I help my wife with this without her flipping out on me??

 

I love my wife dearly, but she is so skittish that it seems no mater how calm I am; It just irritates her more and causes her to blow up larger! When I just stay passive and quiet, it is a "You are not helping the marriage by not talking about this", but will then take 2 words of what I say and jump to a conclusion about it. (I do have a tendency to be long-winded)

 

Any help or has any one else had a similar situation?