What is coming on to strong?

[melissa123]

Hey guys

 

I was wondering if you could tell me what kinda things lead to a person 'coming on to strong'?

 

Ive met this guy who I quite like but im scared of coming on to strong and scaring him away!!

 

I certainally don't call, txt or email him every single day and I dont talk about love and our plans for the future. Infact I see him very little and we go like a weeks or so between contact But I just adore him!

 

Anyway he has this strange habbit of contacting me and asking me to meet up and when I reply and say yes etc he never gets back to me again?! I never contact him again cause im afraid that coming on to strong? Is it?

 

When we do meet up, I always txt him the next day just saying something like 'thanks for coming last night, had a great time ' Is this to much?

 

Its kind of in my nature to do things like that (always txt people the say after and thank them for coming and say I had a great time etc) so do you think if he thinks im coming on to strong hes just not worth it as thats the way I am?

 

Last night for the first time I worked up the courage to ask him round but he said he already had plans that night but would love to catch up another time. I said thats ok and left it at that. Later on he txt me and asked if I was in town to which i replied and said no and made a joke about being creeped out as I was home alone.

He then asked if he should come over and look after me to which I said would be great but he didnt reply to that.

I left the room and went to the bathroom and came back to 5 missed calls from him. I txtd him and said sorry I missed his calls and asked if everything was all good but got no reply again.

 

I got all confused so as hes going away tomorrow I just txtd him before and said 'have a safe trip away tomorrow :)" This is the kind of thing i'd txt anyone weither I liked them or not

 

Am I doing something wrong? Is this coming on to strong??

 

And what kind of things is coming on to strong??? Pleasse help and thanks for reading.

 

p.s Im quite sensitve at the moment so if im doing something wrong please tell me nicely

[D-Lish]

Anyway he has this strange habbit of contacting me and asking me to meet up and when I reply and say yes etc he never gets back to me again?! I never contact him again cause im afraid that coming on to strong? Is it?

 

 

He's a douche-bag.

Red Flag...Waving... Can you see it?

[Diezel]

He's a douche-bag.

Red Flag...Waving... Can you see it?

 

I'm pretty sure there is a vuvuzela attached to that red flag.

 

OP, you're his Plan Z, get it?

[melissa123]

Hes a douche bag? R u sure its not just me coming onto strong and freaking him out?

 

I do kind of think its a bit rude not to txt back and atleast say he's had a change of plans or something. Also do you think its a bit rude that he didn't reply with at least a thanks when I wished him a good trip?

 

Are u sure im not doing wrong?

[D-Lish]

Hes a douche bag? R u sure its not just me coming onto strong and freaking him out?

 

I do kind of think its a bit rude not to txt back and atleast say he's had a change of plans or something. Also do you think its a bit rude that he didn't reply with at least a thanks when I wished him a good trip?

 

Are u sure im not doing wrong?

 

 

Sigh. Doesn't really matter what we think in the grand scheme of things.

You're doomed with your attitude. Good luck.

[melissa123]

Im sorry Dlish but what do you mean by that?

I want to improve so let me know!! (niccely please)

[Diezel]

Read your OP.

Read it out loud.

 

If you still thinks it's you that's doing something wrong and not him, then I'll agree with you and call it a night.

[melissa123]

lol ok your right, if someone else posted that I would tell them to let him go.

 

I just get confused as sometimes he does and says these incredibly sweet things (without another motive) yet other times he orgainises things to do with me then seems to forget about it!!

 

I dont see why you would plan to meet up with someone if you have no intentions to carry it through.

 

But yes your right, he isn't worth the hassle

[that girl]

He's just not that into you.

 

Coming on too strong is making too much effort when it isn't reciprocated. Ex- some people meet and talk everyday after their first date. That is fine. But if one person is calling everyday after that first date with no reciprocation and the other person seems disiniterested, they are coming on too strong.

 

But that isn't your issue. Your level of contact sounds fine, he just isn't that interested.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I would define coming on too strong as initiating contact numer of times in a row without a reply (this can be text, e-mail, phone call etc).

 

Even if you were to text a guy every day and he responds in a 1-1 ratio, that's still fine. However, if you text, don't get a response and then text again that's coming on too strong (even if the texts are days apart).

[hopesndreams]

Last night for the first time I worked up the courage to ask him round but he said he already had plans that night but would love to catch up another time. I said thats ok and left it at that. Later on he txt me and asked if I was in town to which i replied and said no and made a joke about being creeped out as I was home alone.

He then asked if he should come over and look after me to which I said would be great but he didnt reply to that.

I left the room and went to the bathroom and came back to 5 missed calls from him. I txtd him and said sorry I missed his calls and asked if everything was all good but got no reply again.

 

That alone should be enough for you to not contact him again.

 

You did nothing wrong. You should really cut this one loose.

[gamma1]

Am I doing something wrong? Is this coming on to strong??

You decide. You chose a guy who is a jerk who often treats you poorly, yet you adore him. These jerks are sweet just enough to keep you coming back.

 

You are not coming on too strong. Most normal non jerk men would love someone like you.

[melissa123]

Thankyou for the replies

 

You made me feel so much better. I understand that his behaviour is rude and I will stop contacting him now. Thankyou for making me see that before I made a fool of myself.

 

But why is it, even after you all have assured me hes not that great afterall, have I woken up feeling really heartbroken? Id do anything to see him right now, and I keep checking my phone just incase Why do I always fall for guys like this and how do I shake it before I lose my self respect?

[gamma1]

But why is it, even after you all have assured me hes not that great afterall, have I woken up feeling really heartbroken? Id do anything to see him right now, and I keep checking my phone just incase Why do I always fall for guys like this and how do I shake it before I lose my self respect?

Guys like this know exactly what to say to keep you hooked. They are master manipulators and know how to make you happy in the short term.

 

You should cut off all contact from him and this seems to be the hardest part for some women. It will hurt a lot for awhile, but eventually you will be glad you got rid of him. He will be at his sweetest trying to win you back. You have to completely resist his attempts. If he gets you back, he will soon go back to his old rotten self. These men often seem the nicest most exciting men when you first meet them, but then you see otherwise. The good men may not provide as much excitement at the beginning, but are far better long term partners.

 

You might want to take a little time off from men and really think hard about why you are choosing the worst men out there. Once you feel you can make better choices, give it another try.

[melissa123]

Thanks Gamma1

 

Actuallly the reason why I 'picked' him was I had been told by so many people that he is one of the sweetest and most genuine guys you will ever come accross. Infact everyone who ever bought him up would say this!!

 

But I thought if you really were sweet and genuine you would atleast have the decency to let someone know you have had a change of plans and could no longer catch up or atleast send a simple thankyou txt when they wish you a good trip?

 

Im going to cut contact now which really is hurting me as I had so much hopes put into this guy (my fault entirely) I iwsh I wouldnt do this to myself as Im hurting so bad right now and I really dont know why!

 

Males confuse me

[alyssatranswarrior]

Guys like this know exactly what to say to keep you hooked. They are master manipulators and know how to make you happy in the short term.

 

The good men may not provide as much excitement at the beginning, but are far better long term partners.

 

Holy hell...This is exactly what should be taught to all good women the world over, instead they pine over losers (based on how good they look and bogus charm facades), when instead could seek the good guys who provide MORE substance than flashy first date impressions, and can often be great looking specimens.

[Feelin Frisky]

Hey guys

 

I was wondering if you could tell me what kinda things lead to a person 'coming on to strong'?

 

Ive met this guy who I quite like but im scared of coming on to strong and scaring him away!!

 

I certainally don't call, txt or email him every single day and I dont talk about love and our plans for the future. Infact I see him very little and we go like a weeks or so between contact But I just adore him!

 

Anyway he has this strange habbit of contacting me and asking me to meet up and when I reply and say yes etc he never gets back to me again?! I never contact him again cause im afraid that coming on to strong? Is it?

 

When we do meet up, I always txt him the next day just saying something like 'thanks for coming last night, had a great time ' Is this to much?

 

Its kind of in my nature to do things like that (always txt people the say after and thank them for coming and say I had a great time etc) so do you think if he thinks im coming on to strong hes just not worth it as thats the way I am?

 

Last night for the first time I worked up the courage to ask him round but he said he already had plans that night but would love to catch up another time. I said thats ok and left it at that. Later on he txt me and asked if I was in town to which i replied and said no and made a joke about being creeped out as I was home alone.

He then asked if he should come over and look after me to which I said would be great but he didnt reply to that.

I left the room and went to the bathroom and came back to 5 missed calls from him. I txtd him and said sorry I missed his calls and asked if everything was all good but got no reply again.

 

I got all confused so as hes going away tomorrow I just txtd him before and said 'have a safe trip away tomorrow :)" This is the kind of thing i'd txt anyone weither I liked them or not

 

Am I doing something wrong? Is this coming on to strong??

 

And what kind of things is coming on to strong??? Pleasse help and thanks for reading.

 

p.s Im quite sensitve at the moment so if im doing something wrong please tell me nicely

 

Anybody who "texts" an invitation to date is a smarmy azzhole. You should perhaps tell any potential suiter that you consider texting or e-mail or even sending a letter, a chicken-shi+ avoidance of real life responsibility. It's OK if you're already well into a relationship and you use texting around the event to find each other or some such. But before there was texting and e-mail it was considered cheesy to make a date with someone new by letter or card when seeing them for lucnh or picking up the phone was practical. Don't set yourself up for dissapointment by dealing through chicken-shi+ cop out venues. I don't see anything about your attitude as coming on too strong. Coming on too strong is being klingy, needful, smothering with affections unearned, etc

[gamma1]

It sounds more like "fake sweet" and "fake genuine". A master manipulator like him is very good at fooling people.

 

There are millions of good guys that are the sweet and genuine out there. The hard part is picking them out from the fakes and then leaving them quickly when you know they are fakes.

 

I'd now do some things you enjoy for yourself. Put yourself first for awhile.

[paddington bear]

Holy hell...This is exactly what should be taught to all good women the world over, instead they pine over losers (based on how good they look and bogus charm facades), when instead could seek the good guys who provide MORE substance than flashy first date impressions, and can often be great looking specimens.

 

Problem is, with their manipulative 'I like you, I might like you, I don't like you, oh look, I'm back, liking you again' these guys set up a kind of addiction of wanting to somehow claim them, as if 'getting them' is of more value than someone that lands on your lap and just wants to be with you.

 

I've been caught out myself a number of times with this immature, selfish and cowardly behaviour and it really does set up a kind of addictive cycle, which is not based on true emotions I don't think just the yearning for the highs (he does call) and then the crashing lows (he's busy..again) and then a high again when he reappears.

 

However, rather than being taught this, I think learning comes through doing, the horrible, painful way of learning before you realise that a) these types of men are not going to suddenly become reliable, loving partners and b) after being messed about like this one too many times, you finally recognise the type and the behaviour and resolve to avoid these types like the plague.

 

One other thing, a guy that behaves this way with one girl, might be reliable, sweet and everything you could want with another. It is usually that you are the wrong girl for him, but he's keeping you strung along in case, he could be the perfect boyfriend...with someone else.

[Gero]

But I thought if you really were sweet and genuine you would atleast have the decency to let someone know you have had a change of plans and could no longer catch up or atleast send a simple thankyou txt when they wish you a good trip?

 

Yep. That's what I do. I know it's weird, but I actually respect other people's feelings. I know it's hard to believe.

[callalilly]

Why did you text him in response to 5 MISSED CALLS? It makes more logical sense to CALL back. Maybe he hates texting, and maybe he finds it annoying that you only communicate via text? Just a thought.