I don't know how to help him, maybe I don't want to, but now I feel guilty about it.

[AlfIsMyNumber1Alien]

I've never really posted or talked to anyone about this, but lately it's really been getting to me. I guess I just needed to get it out.

 

I dated someone for three years until we broke up this past June. The reason for the breakup was that he had cheated on me for about two months, and when I finally forgave him, he decided it should be over. Before this happened, I felt trapped in the relationship, but now it is almost as if I have this need to get him back even thought I know it could never work. I have tried to move on and the only way I can really do that is by having him out of my life. He depends on me to do everything in his life but I just don't want to anymore. I have tried to make him understand that I need to be apart from him so I can live my life normally and he just won't listen. He expects me to be there to fall back on when he's ready for me again.

 

Here's where it gets complicated. He has been dating the girl he cheated on me with since we broke up but wants out of it. She is extremely depressed and has tried to threatened to commit suicide if he leaves her. My ex has found that there is no solution to this, and has become depressed as well and has contemplated suicidal thoughts also. I have tried and tried to get him help but I just don't know what to tell him anymore. It still hurts my feelings when he talks about her and I can't find a way to let it go long enough to help him help her. At the same time I want to break away from him, but I feel really guilty that I'm not going to be there to help him through this. I don't know where to go from here. Every road seems to lead to someone getting hurt...

 

Thanks for reading this. Any advice at all or any take on the situation would be appreciated.

 

Goodnight to all.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by AlfIsMyNumber1Alien

Every road seems to lead to someone getting hurt...

 

Such is the urban sprawl of heartbreak.

 

Every human has a responsibility to their own mental health above anyone else's. You can't let yourself be used to aid in his recovery, if it's at a detriment to your own.

[faux]

You are not in a position to be responsible for getting your ex any help. Also, that girl can threaten him all she wants. It will NEVER be his fault, or anyone else's if she chooses to harm herself. That is her problem.

 

The same goes for you and your ex. Him harming himself would be his choice. If he wants help he's going to have to get it for himself. There's no other way aside from someone calling the cops on him to intervene, in which case he would be forced to get a psychiatric evaluation, and put into a short term hospital for monitoring.

 

Just remember you aren't responsibile for his actions. Nobody is. We're responsible for ourselves.

[pinkroses]

a very caring person, that you're still worried and concerned and wanting to help this guy who has put you through so much turmoil and crisis. I used to be the same way, I know. As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is pull away from the situation and look after your own needs. He got himself into the mess with the other girl, and her problems are certainly not your fault, so you are under no obligation whatsoever to help either of these people. I know you still have feelings for your bf, but this may be a situation you just can't help without losing yourself in the process. Give him a recommendation to a good therapist then wish him good luck and move on.