Nikki Sahagin Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I stumbled across photos of my ex on facebook. I don't want a lecture about how facebook is bad or telling me I should delete it, i'm not going to do that. I'm just minimising what I can see of many of our mutual friends pages. He looked healthy, gorgeous and really happy. Why did that have to cut me a little bit inside? Just one step back...I'm not spiralling out of control, but I can't deny that hurt me. I feel a bit lost again.
monkeymaid Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 ive been there. ..it stings, but you learn not to do it again. ..or you do it incessantly day and night till you get tired of it, then stop. either way, it will pass. the first way is recommended though! its good that it just stung and ddint send you into a whirlwind of despair! go to the gym, youll feel better after. or run, hike, swim, ride a bike. ...just get some endorphin flow
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Thanks He is deleted and blocked and i've hidden many of our mutual friends from my view, but now I have to add another one... Sucks how to avoid him I also have to avoid them aggg Anyway i'm feeling loads better already, thankyou
jenifer1972 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well, you could go another approach. First, did he break it off? That is much harder to handle. You could use a tactic that people use to get rid of phobias they have. You could just "flood yourself". Look at all the pics you have or can find on line, have a pity party for yourself, sob, rant, get upset, journal it out, until you are just sick of it, and you say, "I'm so over that. That is so yesterday! Blechh!:sick:" . Just a thought...
USMCHokie Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well, you could go another approach. First, did he break it off? That is much harder to handle. You could use a tactic that people use to get rid of phobias they have. You could just "flood yourself". Look at all the pics you have or can find on line, have a pity party for yourself, sob, rant, get upset, journal it out, until you are just sick of it, and you say, "I'm so over that. That is so yesterday! Blechh!:sick:" . Just a thought... This is exactly what I did for the few months after the breakup...just inundated myself with images, thoughts, songs; basically anything that I could find that reminded me of her...until I became numb to the thought of her...and it didn't hurt so bad ever again...even now, I'll occasionally have a pity party just to reminisce...
TheLoneSock Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 You could use a tactic that people use to get rid of phobias they have. You could just "flood yourself". Look at all the pics you have or can find on line, have a pity party for yourself, sob, rant, get upset, journal it out, until you are just sick of it, and you say, "I'm so over that. That is so yesterday! Blechh!:sick:" Just a thought... This is a bad idea. Because the instant something NEW comes along for you to 'inundate' yourself with, it will sting no less. It's nothing but a band-aid, a painkiller, it is not a permanent immunization if you will. And there will always be something new. Becoming numb to it only lasts a while. Like all anesthesia it wears off and anything new that comes along that is able to cause pain will cause pain. Use this 'method' and you will make very little progress, even over the course of a year. The only real way to move on is to accept that it's over. I know that idea seems so distant, so foreign, so abstract to some people because they cannot yet grasp how or when it will happen, but it will. You do have to work at it though. Every time you think of them, tell yourself: 'They do not want to be with me anymore, they are not good for me.' It truly is like conquering an addiction.
ResetReality Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 its easy to see pics of your ex having a good time, of course thats what face book is, but you are not there when he/she are sitting at home, with nothing to do thinking about stuff we are all human, and whoever did the breaking up WILL think about the good time you shouldnt feel upset or whatever, ive had a cracking time with mates since my gf broke up with me, the only difference is ive not got time to upload them nor do i feel the need to post these good times and some lame ass social networking sites
jenifer1972 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Disagree LoneSock. You can get to the point where you are over it, and sick and tired of mulling it over, and just go, "eh, I'm done". By the way, you said you were in ER medicine. Are you a doc too?
TheLoneSock Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Disagree LoneSock. You can get to the point where you are over it, and sick and tired of mulling it over, and just go, "eh, I'm done". By the way, you said you were in ER medicine. Are you a doc too? Well we can always agree to disagree. If that is something that has truly worked for you, good. I was speaking from my personal experience that any form of self inflicted pain in the hopes of just getting used to it will not actually help you. Stewing over pictures of 'us', listening to 'our' songs and reminiscing of the 'good' times is exactly the opposite of what most psychologists or advice coaches would ever tell you to do. I've done it before, and IMO it does nothing but keep you latched onto the idea of 'maybe'. In other words it's false hope, and is the road to a very long and drawn out recovery. Hokie here is another great example - he said himself that for the first few months he 'inundated' himself, yet about a year later his romantic life is still HEAVILY impacted by that very same break up. Not to throw him under the bus or anything, but I think he could have made quicker progress by skipping the 3 months of sorrow. Does that make any sense? And no I'm not a doc lol, funny question though. I think I'd be out in my Mercedes with the top down right about now if I were, rather than participating on LS!
jlr Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Sorry to hear this hurt you. I know how you feel. I've had the same thing happen. I guess if we loved that person, it may always hurt a little bit to see those things. The best we can hope for is that it hurts less and less each time it happens, until it gets to a numb point.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 Thanks guys Well me and my ex broke up a year ago now so I'm past the hysterically crying/rage etc stage, it was just a momentary sting. I have to say though, when we first broke up, before I blocked and deleted him, I checked his facebook religiously and always ended up sobbing my heart out and getting mad. Finally, I said, enoughs enough, he isn't doing anything to me, i'm doing this to MYSELF, so I removed him completely from fb. I occassionally see some things when I go onto facebook as we have literally about 100 mutual friends.
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