Does this work?

[BTLC23]

My ex broke up with me about a year ago. Since then I have made vast changes to make myself the best I have ever been. In addition, shortly after we split about a month or two she started seeing someone else. I was in limited contact with her, only about necessity and wishing happy birthdays. It seems after she got involved with this guy on a more serious level she stopped responding to me. Like an idiot I have been pestering her with email/text/voicemail, apologizing and whatnot. We where even friends on facebook until she found out I looked at her facebook (i had the password - mistake) About a month after that I sent her a funny little message and then blocked me on facebook. So, basically I have learned that contacting her only pisses her off and makes her want to talk to me less. The longest I have been in this year period without making contact has been two months. I am working on the third month, and even when I wanna saying something so bad I stop myself.

 

What I really want from her is to be nostagliac about our relationship, never once did I get I miss you, I still love you but.. remember when?

 

I am sure she missed me, and I am sure this boyfriend (at the beginning) was to help her take her mind off of me. It was a four year relationship.

 

So, I refuse to make any contact with her it has almost been three months and I am doing well. I figure that even though we havent talked on the phone in over a year, she still knows that I wan't her and even though she has a bf, she still is comfortable knowing that.

 

So if I am out of the picture for a while, and her and her bf split.... I wan't to hear from her to tie up loose ends. But I know at the same time I will probably not want to her from her because I will want to move on with my life more. What you guys think? She just acted like it was my fault for everything and she dropped my like a bad habit.

[EricaH329]

What I really want from her is to be nostagliac about our relationship, never once did I get I miss you, I still love you but.. remember when?

 

You can't expect things like that from people. You are not in a relationship any longer. The way you want her to feel, and the way that she actually feels, probably contradict eachother.

 

I understand that you wish she feels a certain way, we all do after a break up, but in reality in never works out like that.

 

I am sure she missed me, and I am sure this boyfriend (at the beginning) was to help her take her mind off of me. It was a four year relationship.

 

Maybe, maybe not. This shouldn't be a concern.

 

So, I refuse to make any contact with her it has almost been three months and I am doing well. I figure that even though we havent talked on the phone in over a year, she still knows that I wan't her and even though she has a bf, she still is comfortable knowing that.

 

I thought you were working on yourself? Becoming a better person? Why are you allowing another person (that you are no longer in a relationship with) to dictate your feelings/emotions/etc? This time should be used to focus on yourself, and yourself only. It's time to take her out of the equation.

 

So if I am out of the picture for a while, and her and her bf split.... I wan't to hear from her to tie up loose ends. But I know at the same time I will probably not want to her from her because I will want to move on with my life more. What you guys think? She just acted like it was my fault for everything and she dropped my like a bad habit.

 

I think it's time to move passed this. She is moving on with her life, and I believe that you should do the same. Time to focus on what you want out of life. The person you ultimately want to become. Some of us never get what we feel to be 'closure'. And that's alright. It isn't a necessity to move on. Realize your mistakes in the relationship, learn from it, pick yourself up and move towards something greater in your life.

[spriggig]

She has moved on, leave her alone. Your desire for "closure" is not her problem, she owes you nothing. You can't "make" her feel anything and she obviously feels nothing for you. Your pain is your own responsibility, she has nothing to do with it. She didn't do this "to" you, she did it for herself.

 

Stop bugging her and get on with your life.

[YellowShark]

Get off that damn narcissistic Facebook and live a REAL life.

 

I have seen so much Facebook crap on this site, and others, that it's time people realized that mankind seemed to operate pretty darn well for centuries before Facebook was created six years ago.

[DenverBachelor]

You are probably in her "crazy stalkerish ex-boyfriend" bucket. It has been a year and you still care about closure? You have other more serious internal problems if that's the case and you're projecting those on her.

 

She's gone. She doesn't want to hear from you and you had no right logging into her Facebook account -- especially well after the fact of breaking up. We've all done stupid things so just learn from your behaviour this time.

 

The next time a woman breaks up with you, you say "bye" and go on with your life. Take a few months off to get yourself back to an even keel and then just do your thing.

 

You don't need closure from her. You're more interested in finding out what went wrong with yourself subconsciously, and your mind is projecting this onto her as if she holds the answers to YOUR problems.

 

Good luck!

 

My ex broke up with me about a year ago. Since then I have made vast changes to make myself the best I have ever been. In addition, shortly after we split about a month or two she started seeing someone else. I was in limited contact with her, only about necessity and wishing happy birthdays. It seems after she got involved with this guy on a more serious level she stopped responding to me. Like an idiot I have been pestering her with email/text/voicemail, apologizing and whatnot. We where even friends on facebook until she found out I looked at her facebook (i had the password - mistake) About a month after that I sent her a funny little message and then blocked me on facebook. So, basically I have learned that contacting her only pisses her off and makes her want to talk to me less. The longest I have been in this year period without making contact has been two months. I am working on the third month, and even when I wanna saying something so bad I stop myself.

 

What I really want from her is to be nostagliac about our relationship, never once did I get I miss you, I still love you but.. remember when?

 

I am sure she missed me, and I am sure this boyfriend (at the beginning) was to help her take her mind off of me. It was a four year relationship.

 

So, I refuse to make any contact with her it has almost been three months and I am doing well. I figure that even though we havent talked on the phone in over a year, she still knows that I wan't her and even though she has a bf, she still is comfortable knowing that.

 

So if I am out of the picture for a while, and her and her bf split.... I wan't to hear from her to tie up loose ends. But I know at the same time I will probably not want to her from her because I will want to move on with my life more. What you guys think? She just acted like it was my fault for everything and she dropped my like a bad habit.

[Ilovecake]

My ex broke up with me about a year ago. Since then I have made vast changes to make myself the best I have ever been. In addition, shortly after we split about a month or two she started seeing someone else. I was in limited contact with her, only about necessity and wishing happy birthdays. It seems after she got involved with this guy on a more serious level she stopped responding to me. Like an idiot I have been pestering her with email/text/voicemail, apologizing and whatnot. We where even friends on facebook until she found out I looked at her facebook (i had the password - mistake) About a month after that I sent her a funny little message and then blocked me on facebook. So, basically I have learned that contacting her only pisses her off and makes her want to talk to me less. The longest I have been in this year period without making contact has been two months. I am working on the third month, and even when I wanna saying something so bad I stop myself.

 

What I really want from her is to be nostagliac about our relationship, never once did I get I miss you, I still love you but.. remember when?

 

I am sure she missed me, and I am sure this boyfriend (at the beginning) was to help her take her mind off of me. It was a four year relationship.

 

So, I refuse to make any contact with her it has almost been three months and I am doing well. I figure that even though we havent talked on the phone in over a year, she still knows that I wan't her and even though she has a bf, she still is comfortable knowing that.

 

So if I am out of the picture for a while, and her and her bf split.... I wan't to hear from her to tie up loose ends. But I know at the same time I will probably not want to her from her because I will want to move on with my life more. What you guys think? She just acted like it was my fault for everything and she dropped my like a bad habit.

 

This sounds like a very creepy fantasy world you live in. You need to let it go, she's no longer in your life and never will be. Pretend she doesn't exist and move on with your life. Those three months you have been NC are the first three months of the rest of your life, without her.

[BTLC23]

I know this is a very lengthy post but if you could take some time and read it, I would greatly appreciate it. It has been almost a year and I am still struggling.

 

Let me put some background info which might help some people understand. This girl and I dated for almost four years, we worked together and went to the same college, she was graduate and I was undergraduate. We lost our virginities to each other I was 16 she was 20. After a year of dating, she moved in with me (mistake) and it was very good at times and very bad at times, when we lived together we only spent time with each other, occasionally with friends. She lived with me for about a year and a half, then went back home. She lived about two hours away and we would visit each other every weekend taking turns.

 

The distance was hard for me because I made the mistake of not adapting to the new lifestyle, which she did very well. So I broke up with her about two months after she left. I was also interested in another girl at work, I kept in contact with her because I was still unsure. Less than two months I drove to her job and asked her back. She was so happy and so was I best day of my life. She told me that she had been hanging out with other guy because she was lonely but they didn't hook up. I did not tell her about the other girl, whom I did not hook up with either.

 

Everything was great for a few months then our old problems came back. My parents are divorced and so are hers. She does not speak to her father, complete shut him out of her life one day (seem familiar?) We would fight a lot and she was very emotionally and verbally abusive to me. She told me things like "No one loves you but me," and sometimes made me feel less than. But other times she made me feel great, like any abuser plays that game pulls you in, pushes you away. Although I loved her and she was the world to me, I tried to look past this but subconsciously I would fight it. I would not give in to her controlling demands. Another example, when we lived together in my room, one time I went to talk to my mother and sister downstairs and she yelled at me and told me that I did not tell her where I was going.

 

I am sure you think why would I want that for a basis as a relationship and your right. What happened was I was became weak due to bad support system at home and became depressed. I was not strong anymore and could not fight her anymore so she ended up breaking me down. I became dependent on her and went from calling her three times a week to three times a day. I do not know if she wanted this but her actions contributed to this. At the same time I was getting bored of sex between us. I had always thought about other girls, but did not want to leave her (probably because I feared I would not find anyone else, which she probably has the same issue) I went from giving her multiple orgasms while we were having sex to me just taking care of myself in a matter of minutes. One time I actually teared up because I could not get an erection for her after my first ejaculation (sorry for the details but its important) when I used to pop one up after two or three ejaculations no problem.

 

She could sense this, one time I asked her "Do you want me to do something for you?" she responded "No, its okay with a pissed off/sad look on her face. Of course she wanted me to please her but she wanted me to want to please her. At the same time while she was breaking me down she got a lot of info out of me by putting guilt trips on me, she found out I was taking drugs to help me deal with the pain of missing her. All this caused her to lose her attraction to me, I really believe that sex started the downhill of the relationship. She liked me better when I screamed at her and called her a c*nt (she was, no offense ladies that are not) but gave her multiple orgasms,

then when I told I loved her so much everday and never pleased her.

 

She started to spend less time with me, leaving Sunday night instead if monday morning. Then it became two days, then one. In addition at this time, we stopped going out because I ran a business out of my house. She started reading that Twilight ****. She even told me "read Twilight so you know how to treat a woman" wtf, its a fictional book for little girls written by a women. I guess it was a from of escape for her, like the drugs for me. She started hanging out wither a friend from her job, and she even told me that I was not her best friend anymore, the girl was now.

 

She told me she needed SPACE and of course I pushed more because of that, I would sit on the phone with her till she would say she would have to go, I would ramble on and on about my issues. This started with a friend I had at home that was extremely insecure and that was who I became. That and the combination of her bringing out my issues as a way to control me. She told me "you didn't have a strong enough childhood to have kids." No direct insults like I would to her like calling her fat or other derogatory terms but much worse deep rooted things she knew bothered me.

 

One day a friend of mine gave me an oxycodone pill, that in the combination with a large about of marijuana I was really out of it. It is important to note that while little things were happening like lack of sex on my part, following this event this really went down hill. Two months prior to the break up, I took this pill and when she came down I told her off. I said really mean things to her like "I only like you when your high," (which was true, none the less mean) and when I leave you, your never gonna hear from me again." The next day she woke up started crying and she told me she could do better than this. She was right in some ways.

 

She tried to break up with me one day when she came down, I flipped out, more due to the loss of control than anything else. I would not let her leave (mistake, everything was a mistake) and begged for another chance. So we went to the movies and then to the beach. When she wen't to leave I went to kiss her and she turned her cheek with a really angry face. The following night I hung out with a friend of mine and two girl friends I had. She did not know about them, but they were strictly friends. She was the most jealous person I have ever met, and I believe she was jealous of the relationship between my mother and I and my sister. So she creating problems between us.

 

The girls took pics and put them on facebook, and my friend was tagged and she was friends with him. She texted me asking how my double date was and said to never talk to her again, she would not answer my calls or texts. Like an idiot I drove up there and went to talk to her. She said "How dare you!!!" and ran away. I went to the store next door and waited to hours while we texted back and forth. She told me that she needed to calm down so I drove home.

 

For about three weeks were only talked through text, but that first week after she saw the pics we only talked through email. She said me emails that were pages long yelling at me. I was an idiot and never really took the time to respond thoroughly. She even told me that she should not have to ask for me to respond to the email, I should want to(remind you of anything hint:sex)

 

We where supposed to go to six flags, and months before this happened Florida which I am sure would have done us wonders. In those three weeks before the official break up, we would some times talk positively like when Michael Jackson died. I asked her if our pics were gone, she said that she just put them down.

 

I flipped out when she officially broke up with me, saying some dumb **** like "You were my angel, and now I am gonna be with the real thing," and proceeded to ignore her texts, she threatened to call 911. In retrospect I hate all this I done, I had no right to make her feel this way. At the time I just wanted to see that she still cared for me.

 

I told her I was sleeping and she texted me the next day telling me about a video game she was playing and other stuff. A few days later, she was working at a car show that we worked together the previous year for her parents and she texted me "Bored at the car show" I told her I was working with my dad which I was not to make it look like I was not sitting home feeling sorry for myself.

 

I bought one of those bs get your ex back guides and wrote her the bs letter, saying I was sorry and what not. I waited three days and asked her if she got it, she said she did but did not know what to say. I begged to let me call her and finally she said ok but later. I was scared and never did. I reactivated my facebook that I made after she made, because she yelled at me for it saying that I wanted it to talk to girls (double standard my ass) and we were friends on it. She asked me if I hacked her fb, which I did not and I asked her if she wanted me to remove her as friend, she said whatever. She had a few sad status like fml, which could or could not have been due to the break up. She also did not celebrate her birthday that year, which was odd because she always loved to celebrate her birthday. At the end of the night I texted her happy birthday, which was about 3 weeks after our breakup.

 

I followed that NC thing for a few weeks, until I texted her, things were ok until I stared talking about us. She told me I needed to stay out of her life and she started to ignore me. I stopped texting her and waited a week and said I was sorry and wanted to be on good terms. Three weeks later she texted me happy birthday. I texted her over a month later and asked her to log on aim, no response. A couple of days later I asked her if she took a class at school, and she said no. Three weeks later I sent her a letter that was probably the best thing I have ever written. It was short concise and did not ask for a response back, it was fantastic, and everyone I showed it to agreed including other on love shack.

 

I got no response, but three weeks later she uploads pics on facebook, one is her wrapped in christmas tree lights, with a caption saying blank decided to dress me up as his no christmas tree, and a pic of her hold blanks snake (it was an actual snake you sick mofo) To your suprise I did not say anything to this realizing that would be a mistake. Over a month later I get on facebook and it says she is a relationship with blank. It did not bother me as much as I thought it would. It turned out to be the guy she hung out when we split up over a year ago.

 

When I realized that I made the mistake of logging into her facebook and email. I saw that she mentioned his name in an email in the beginning of september, so she could have met up with him in august or sooner. What was the worst part was reading those emails between us and seeing how much I didn't seem to care back then and that she actually wanted things to work out. I also saw emails from her mom basically talking **** about me and her defending me.

 

After I saw those emails, I drove up there. I was pumped but when I was outside her job, I felt my heart beating like crazy. I walked around for a few minutes and saw her. From a distance I called her name, she got up knowing who it was and walked way hastily. I walked around the store for a few minutes to see if she surfaced again. I gave up and bought some candy and spoke to her new "best friend" I told her to tell her I was sorry about some things and stepped out. As I walked out I see her brother storm in who does not notice me. Like an idiot I called his name (I thought he could fill me in) and he turns around and says he's gonna kick my ass. Lucky for me, a cop rolled up and he spoke to me. The cop goes in to talk to her and I see her from a distance waving her hands up and looking very angry.

 

About two months later I text her saying sorry and whatnot. Then I started to turn myself around and really see what went on. I stopped blaming myself so much. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year and is helping ( you would not believe it after reading this though) I have said to many people even right after the break up that I want to get back together with her so I can break up with her, how immature. It is really true when people say you want what you cant have, I hated her when I was with her and I loved her when she was gone. Its like that sugar ray song, When its over thats the time I fall in love again. The human race, how complicated. In addition, it was easier for me to think she was alone too. I thought its okay for me to be lonely and single if she is too, thats wrong but a lot of people think that way. I used to feel responsible for her happiness and I feel that I have failed.

 

Please be nice on the responses I am still fragile, I know your hurt from your situations and only trying to do whats best and not tip toe about it but I feel sometimes people have a bias in their responses.

[BTLC23]

You're more interested in finding out what went wrong with yourself subconsciously, and your mind is projecting this onto her as if she holds the answers to YOUR problems.

 

I have been in therapy for a year and my therapist hasn't even said something this good. I am into psychology myself and that completely blows my mind. That is exactly right. Thanks so much.