Why do women do stuff like this?

[samspade]

Last couple weeks have been kinda of a bummer. The thing with the girl I been seein the last 6 weeks flamed out. Well, I figure jump back in the ring.

 

I had three different women give me their number in the past 5 days from POF. I didn't even have to ask for them. They volunteered. Sounds great right?

Ha!

 

I'm talking to one and tell her I"m going to the beach for the 4th. She's like, "You should stop on your way and hang out!" I say great. I let her know when I'm comming. She texts to find out if I left yet. I text her back when I leave. She's an hour plus from my house. Well I get all the way down to her town and she texts me and blows me off! Said she had a family emergency right at that exact time. Says she's sorry and will text me later. Of course, she doesn't.

 

After that debacle, I get somethin to eat and check my email at the condo. This very nice looking woman I've emailed a couple times sends me her PN. At this point I've been drinking with my friends down here, so when I text her I forget to id myself. I realize the mistake and text her back. She doesnt' know who I am. I text her again to id myself and she still doesn't know who I am. I just throw the phone down and finnish last night playing drinking games with my buddy and his gf.

 

Now I'm drinking coffee with headache. Not exactly a great way to start a vacation.

 

Women lack accountability and will flake on you. It's part of the game. Your best defense: Spin more plates so you can laugh it off.

[samspade]

Yeah like men NEVER flake out on you and are always accountable. Also, how about saying "some" women instead of just grouping us all into one category.

 

Irrelevant. OP is not trying to date men as far as I can tell. And yes there are exceptions to the rule, but in the US it's better always to account for the possibility, especially since you never know which one will flake. Dating more women (plate spinning) accomplishes this. Thanks for sharing your opinions.

[fishtaco]

Wow, what a tired argument this is. I get that he's not trying to date men. But men don't really know how other women think. They just THINK they do...I on the other hand, DO know.

 

I don't really disagree with you in theory. Nothing wrong with dating other women instead of getting fixated on this disinterested one. It's all that mumbo jumbo DJ-speak that's extremely obnoxious and annoying. Most of it is pure nonsense and will only get you a bimbo. But I've debated this enough in the past and don't want to go OT. Have fun with the "plate spinning!";)

 

Plate spinning is practical considering more than half of the women out there flake. It's just merely a reaction. And I'm sure women flake in reaction to some bad behavior that men do, like maybe get mad when turned down or whatever. I don't really know. And blaming women is pointless and incorrect, because this is a chicken and egg issue if you want to finger point. The important thing is, this is how it is out in the dating arena, so what are you doing to do about it?

 

And you are right, men don't know how women think. Guess what? Women don't know how women think either. You can speak for you only. Maybe you are in the top percentile that behaves correctly (I have met a few, and because the "average" is so low that I get really impressed when I do meet one). But you won't understand the women that are not in your "top percentile category".

 

Men have to deal with ALL of them. No, we don't have to date them or even sleep with them. But we do have to deal with them, because you don't know how a person is like until after you've had some sort of interaction.

 

Plate spinning is not fun. It's tiring at it takes a lot of time. I can only spin 3 - 4 at the same time, and no more. But it is what we have to do considering all the feints and smoke and mirror out there. Again assuming you are in the top percentile. This is not a strategy against you. We are lucky if we meet someone like you. No games necessary, even if you turn us down it's clear cut and straight forward. That's the best a guy can ask for. But it's quite rare unfortunately. So don't get so defensive. We have to guard against the average ones, not you.

[A O]

AO, it was your decision to get involved, therefore you made it an issue for yourself.

My decision to ask clarification from you, without doubt. You decision to answer my questions with both a slur and an alright lie, therefore behave in a similar manner as the person you were trying to warn everyone else of - a damning indictment on you.

 

Your poor judgment of people is not really my problem.

Again, its not about my judgment. Neither is there an issue or a problem from my end. I'm simply highlighting poor behavior - your behavior. You have a problem with other posters - understandable. You then choose to behave in a similar manner to those you had a problem with - silly.

 

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[fishtaco]

But if you're really looking for that "top percentile" I can tell you right now that some of those silly games they talk about on there won't work. Like I said, you can easily get a bimbo that way, if that's what you're after. But if you're after quality, it just won't work.

 

Of course. Every time I have to play games with a woman, immediately she loses points. For me, when someone that is physically attractive to me start losing points, then she would move toward the will sleep with but will not date category. I treat each woman individually based on the interaction and what I find out. Just because they're not top percentile doesn't mean I can't have fun with them.

 

However, there's a difference between actively engaged in games with a woman, and a passive defensive strategy. Plate spinning is a defensive strategy. It allows men to shrug off bad behavior with minimal impact. Plus finding a top percentile woman, like finding a top percentile men, is a number game. You can't tell if a person qualifies until after certain amount of interaction, so you just have to keep cranking until you get one, and hope there's chemistry and compatibility. It's not easy. Doing so in parallel is much faster than in serial.

[A O]

Righto - time to get on track.

 

Women who show this kind of behavior are doing me a huge favor, and I am better off avoiding them from then on. I don't understand why guys get all butt hurt about it...

Exactly.

 

"Why do women do stuff like this?"

 

Why anyone does anything - bloody hard question to answer. Not so hard to work out though, is what you'll do in the face of this problem, if not all problems. In this situation - they're history - problem solved. To me, they've shown the sort of person that they'll more than likely to be (bearing in mind that during the early stages of dating, most people, certainly anyone that's genuinely interested, will put their best foot forward first) so all n all, that's enough for me to move on.

 

On a slightly different note - flakes or flaky people will more than likely have low self-esteem relative to those who are true to their word. High self-esteem folk value their word and their actions, low self-esteem people are far less likely to be this way.

 

Some ways of spotting low self-esteem folk include finding out/discussing their relationship history (if any) - the more glowing or critical of their past relationships they are, will tell you which way things will probably end up with you. Their family history is crucial, the more stable that is, the better the relationship with the parents, the better things will go for you. Achievements, if any, look for these. And of course, their general demeanor, namely, how confident they are and whether they in some way shape or form - apologize for their existence basically is something to be mindful of.

 

Bottom line is though - such an open question serves no great purpose other than to bleat or bash. If you want to do anything about anything - the power is in your hands, not anyone else's.

 

 

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[Crazy Magnet]

The only time I have ever even canceled a date was when a guy displayed some super nasty behavior prior to meeting him. (he was from online) He asked me a very personal question and I told him that I would feel better talking about that once we had met and could talk about it in person. He indeed, went bonkers on me and got all hostile. I promptly canceled, which sent him into another bout of hostility.

 

He continued to blow my phone up with texts and calls for the next three days. I finally answered and told him due to his horrible behavior I was no longer interested in even meeting him and that I thought I made that clear before. Then he was all "sorry" for acting that way and wanted me to give him a chance, blah blah.

 

Online dating isn't always easy and that guy was the first one I wanted to meet in person. Talk about a rude awakening to guys online. Don't give up OP. I went on dates with lots of guys after him and eventually met my BF that way (on eHarmony though...POF was INSANE....I'll never go there again.)

 

You must have a good profile to get numbers from so many women. Have no fear. Keep at it! There are non crazy ones out there but they are few and far between.