Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Not in my experience...maybe I've just been lucky...or perhaps your people picker needs a little fixing... Haha that's what what's her name on the Millionaire Matchmaker says. "Your picker is off!"
Diezel Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 If you want me to be perfectly honest, sometimes I blow off guys because of their reactions when you say no. If you say no to a guy, some of them go apesh*t. They insult you, tell you you're stupid or immature for not giving them a chance, etc., etc. It's because so many men can't take rejection that I do this...I can't speak for other women. So you flake on a guy just to see his reaction? And if he reacts negatively, you blow him off completely? Please, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think I'm quite following this to a tee.
PhillyDude Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 If you want me to be perfectly honest, sometimes I blow off guys because of their reactions when you say no. If you say no to a guy, some of them go apesh*t. They insult you, tell you you're stupid or immature for not giving them a chance, etc., etc. It's because so many men can't take rejection that I do this...I can't speak for other women. I'm sure you used Family emergency as an excuse in the past.
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 So you flake on a guy just to see his reaction? And if he reacts negatively, you blow him off completely? Please, correct me if I'm wrong, I don't think I'm quite following this to a tee. No. If I'm not interested in a guy, I don't flake, I usually just tell him I'm not interested or not right now or simply don't call him back if he calls. I don't typically make dates and cancel unless I have to. But even if you tell a guy you're not interested or simply just don't call, they get VERY upset and react negatively like "HOW DARE YOU NOT BE INTERESTED IN ME?!" or call you names. A lot of guys say "I just want the truth" and you say "I'm just not interested" and then they get really upset and say you're not giving them a fair chance, that's not fair, etc., etc. Throwing a tantrum is not cute. No, I have never used a family emergency excuse. I told a guy I wasn't able to date right now because of family issues (aka a death in the family) and he went beserk on me and said I was lying to him and I should at least make up a creative excuse. I was also suffering from a very serious illness at the time and just wasn't in the place to date and he was upset I didn't spill all of this to him. However, I didn't even know him at all, so I don't think I owe it to tell a total stranger about personal events in my life just to soothe his ego.
Serenitynow Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I don't think I owe it to tell a total stranger about personal events in my life just to soothe his ego What about owing the person honesty and maturity to build on if the relationship blossoms ? Or let me get this straight, I bet you dont worry about any of that until after a few dates, and then you feel the need to start being real with him. I have heard the excuse " I dont owe him anything" from countless women. I think thats the new way of life going around right now, so they can just act however they want. .
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 What about owing the person honesty and maturity to build on if the relationship blossoms ? Or let me get this straight, I bet you dont worry about any of that until after a few dates, and then you feel the need to start being real with him. I have heard the excuse " I dont owe him anything" from countless women. I think thats the new way of life going around right now, so they can just act however they want. . Well, I was honest when I said now wasn't the right time to date. There was too much going on with me to even keep guys straight, let alone get to know someone. That was honest. However, when you're struggling with super personal issues, do you really need to tell a guy that before the first date even?! I get a little nervous when a guy tells me "Oh, hey, my mom died when I was 5 and I have anxiety issues" on the first date. It's not that having issues is bad, it makes us human. However, I don't feel the need to broadcast my issues to a total stranger. A simple "I can't date right now," is truthful without revealing too much information too soon. And yeah, I don't want to get real about people's issues on the first date. That's not what you do. Sorry...I think that scares people off. it certainly scares me off.
Serenitynow Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I agree a lot of guys are jerks when they get turned down. But WHY would you want to string the guy along instead of just telling him once and getting it over with ? And if he does flip out, so what ? how does that effect you ? You arent dating him, you arent going to see him anymore, so whats the point ? .
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I agree a lot of guys are jerks when they get turned down. But WHY would you want to string the guy along instead of just telling him once and getting it over with ? And if he does flip out, so what ? how does that effect you ? You arent dating him, you arent going to see him anymore, so whats the point ? . Why do you want to deal with someone flipping out on you and insulting you? That's not fun either.
Serenitynow Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 If you want me to be perfectly honest, sometimes I blow off guys because of their reactions when you say no. I was talking about the above staement from you. So do you blow off guys you are interested in as well ? Just to play your game and see what the test reveals ? .
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I was talking about the above staement from you. So do you blow off guys you are interested in as well ? Just to play your game and see what the test reveals ? . No. I don't blow guys off I'm interested in. If I'm interested, I don't blow them off.
PhillyDude Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 The hardest thing for me when I was dating was turning them down AFTER I'd already gone on a date or two with them. Then it was always tough for me to tell them the real reason. I mean I remember once it was that the guy had bad table manners. I just couldn't tell him that so I just avoided him. I guess that's the wrong way to go about it but it was the best I could do at the time. you just proved by your statement that both men and women do the same when they are no longe interested so why is it always when a guy does it??
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 The hardest thing for me when I was dating was turning them down AFTER I'd already gone on a date or two with them. Then it was always tough for me to tell them the real reason. I mean I remember once it was that the guy had bad table manners. I just couldn't tell him that so I just avoided him. I guess that's the wrong way to go about it but it was the best I could do at the time. Right? I think it's hard too because you do realize that a trait that you don't like may be a trait someone else will like. For instance, one guy I dated for a bit was VERY clingy and wanted to text me all the time even when he was on vacation with his friends. I really, really dislike that and I prefer a lot of space in relationships. However, I know there are some women who would enjoy a partner texting them all the time. I don't want to say "You're too clingy" because he's not really clingy, it's my value for autonomy.
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Right? I think it's hard too because you do realize that a trait that you don't like may be a trait someone else will like. For instance, one guy I dated for a bit was VERY clingy and wanted to text me all the time even when he was on vacation with his friends. I really, really dislike that and I prefer a lot of space in relationships. However, I know there are some women who would enjoy a partner texting them all the time. I don't want to say "You're too clingy" because he's not really clingy, it's my value for autonomy. Why not just be honest and tell him that you need space because you can't handle someone that's too clingy. Then give him the chance to change the bad behavior. If people constantly lie to everyone else, then these people will keep making the same mistakes and everyone will continue to be miserable. Just be honest, people.
Trimmer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 If you want me to be perfectly honest, sometimes I blow off guys because of their reactions when you say no. If you say no to a guy, some of them go apesh*t. I find this a fascinating statement as well... You have to have said no to a guy for him to "react when you say no." And you said you blow him off because of that... That's what people are reacting to.. It sounds like you might have stayed interested in a guy - to whom you had said "no" - if he had reacted differently. I can't read that any other way. Unless you're saying you blow off all guys because of how some of them react, but that doesn't make sense either...
PhillyDude Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I find this a fascinating statement as well... You have to have said no to a guy for him to "react when you say no." And you said you blow him off because of that... That's what people are reacting to.. It sounds like you might have stayed interested in a guy - to whom you had said "no" - if he had reacted differently. I can't read that any other way. Unless you're saying you blow off all guys because of how some of them react, but that doesn't make sense either... I wonder how she would react if her 5pm date was cancelled at 4:56pm
ecto-1 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Right? I think it's hard too because you do realize that a trait that you don't like may be a trait someone else will like. For instance, one guy I dated for a bit was VERY clingy and wanted to text me all the time even when he was on vacation with his friends. I really, really dislike that and I prefer a lot of space in relationships. However, I know there are some women who would enjoy a partner texting them all the time. I don't want to say "You're too clingy" because he's not really clingy, it's my value for autonomy. Right, so if a guy burps loudly after he's done with his meal at the restaurant, there's SOME women out there that might laugh at what he did, or chime in with he own belch....and they'd be a match made in heaven.
ecto-1 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I have heard the excuse " I dont owe him anything" from countless women. I think thats the new way of life going around right now, so they can just act however they want. . Yeah that and, "I have the right to change my mind, right?" When they string a guy along thinking they're interested, and then blow off a date or stand them up. And I answer, "Sure, but people will think less of you if you do...and perhaps even loose some friendships in the meantime." (if they pull stuff like that on friends. Chances are if they do it with prospective dates, they do it with friends as well.
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I find this a fascinating statement as well... You have to have said no to a guy for him to "react when you say no." And you said you blow him off because of that... That's what people are reacting to.. It sounds like you might have stayed interested in a guy - to whom you had said "no" - if he had reacted differently. I can't read that any other way. Unless you're saying you blow off all guys because of how some of them react, but that doesn't make sense either... No I don't blow off all guys. I'd say 80-90% of the guys I've said I wasn't attracted to went apesh*t and threw a tantrum. Sp I usually try and avoid it. They weren't reacting to me blowing them off.
PhillyDude Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Huh? Sorry I don't understand. Why is what always when a guy does what? Sorry, no comprendo. Yes. It's just a personal preference. But you don't want to have it come across as a criticism of their character. But why tell them? See above. It's not necessarily "bad behavior." Like Therm said, some women would like that kind of attention but to others it comes across as clingy. You can't change people. It's best to just move on and find someone you accept AS THEY ARE...now there's a concept! But in the meantime why bring up something about their character that they might take as an insult? That's where the "white lie" has to come in. I wanted to know why women make a big deal about a guy not calling back when men and women do the same thing when no longer interested.
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I wanted to know why women make a big deal about a guy not calling back when men and women do the same thing when no longer interested. I think it depends on if you're in a relationship or not. If I'm just dating the guy, I assume he's not interested in me and move on with my life. It's really relatively simple.
Author crimsonmike Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 LOL. I'm such a DA. She calls me back yesterday and says she's so sorry that she had to cancel and wants to go out tonight. Well, guess what. Today she won't return my phonecalls. Let me point out that she ASKED ME OUT to start with. Shame on me for allowing the second burn, but what do you say to "family emergency?"
gamma1 Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Shame on me for allowing the second burn, but what do you say to "family emergency?" You could ask her about it, but she may get very defensive no matter what you say. If she doesn't elaborate on her own, it's safe to assume it's a made up "family emergency".
Author crimsonmike Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 You could ask her about it, but she may get very defensive no matter what you say. If she doesn't elaborate on her own, it's safe to assume it's a made up "family emergency". Oh, I'm never talking to the b again. Fool me once...ect, ect.
Serenitynow Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Does everyone notice how Thermometer has disappeared, once jumboyojimbo dissected all the contradictions she made in her posts ? Totally amazing how she tried to twist everything around, even though it was already written on the page. Did she think that no one would be smart enough to go back and figure it out ? And why do other women always try to join in a post and defend another womans actions when it clear to everyone else whats going on ? Thats what really irks me here. I see very few females give unbiased opionins. Theres no big scoreboard labeled MEN vs WOMEN What I do see is a lot of guys giving unbiased comments and opinions, without sugar coating anything. When guys make posts that I dont agree with, I dont hold back on them either. In fact I go extra hard on them because they represent a percentage of my character in the eyes of women. Many females need to wake up and look at the actions of other females in the same light, and stop trying to defend them when they do things you know arent right. .
Serenitynow Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Yes Bondgirl, you are one of the few that doesnt pick sides. jumboyojimbo seems like a lot like me I just dont have the energy right now to dissect everything. But I have to give props at such a good job. Like I've said before, if you slow down and really read what some of these OP's post, you often see contradictions as the story unfolds. Usually to try to sway public opinion to their favor. .
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