redmelon Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 I don't think he's into you, and I think if you make any of these gestures mentioned by others you are going to regret it. He has no problem approaching you, if he wanted to ask you out he would have already. Instead he's talking about wanting to ask someone else out to a coworker. He thought he might get some and deal with the fallout later, but luckily you didn't choose that path. I know that's not what you want to hear, and I truly hope I am wrong, but that's my take on it...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Nothing struck me from what you wrote to be anything but normal awkwardness that such a situation often entails and a second-guessing of yourself into perhaps an emotional state of semi-chaos. Should I have done this? What did he mean by that? Did I blow it? Blah, blah, blah. If you're really into this guy but don't want to be seen by the nosy fux at the office, perhaps you might pick out a nice greeting card and put it on his desk. I don't go for texting or e-mail in such situations because they seem lazy and a bit cowardly. But a small and nice greeting card that might be designed for a man might allow you to say something like "just wanted you to know I can't get you out of my mind" followed by "can we talk?" add your phone number. If he acts favorably and you get to talk you can express your concern that you were nervous last time. Let him initiate though (ask you out). If by the end of your conversation he doesn't ask, you should straight out ask him if there's any chance we can see each other again. Try not to let butterflies in your stomach interfere--you have an objective: to find out if he's into seeing you or not. It's better to know than wonder forever after if you "blew it" (which has a tendency to kinda self recriminate yourself that you did in fact blow it). About that greeting card idea, don't try to write anything in it about your worries or start apologizing etc. Just say "I've been thinking about you a lot, can we talk?" or something like that. You don't want to make yourself look neurotic or desperate. I second this as a suitable move as well. You just need to be CLEAR about YOUR continued interest. Once you've established that much, in any manner, then you need not give it anymore attention. But do not settle for "he must know..." or "he must think..." (and certainly realize: "he MIGHT think that YOUR interest is sincere enough but he also MIGHT SENSE you shunning the idea of an office romance" (when you've done no such thing).
Feelin Frisky Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I second this as a suitable move as well. You just need to be CLEAR about YOUR continued interest. Once you've established that much, in any manner, then you need not give it anymore attention. But do not settle for "he must know..." or "he must think..." (and certainly realize: "he MIGHT think that YOUR interest is sincere enough but he also MIGHT SENSE you shunning the idea of an office romance" (when you've done no such thing). Thanks for rubber stamping my post in the afirmative. It's nice to get a validation once in a while. Sincerely to the SincereOnLineGuy. Jim.
Author rose45 Posted July 17, 2010 Author Posted July 17, 2010 apart of me thinks that maybe that other person is right..how if he was truly interested he would let me know in some way and find out for sure i am available or not etc etc etc i feel like its a very big risk to go out of my way..when i left today at the end of the day--the person he shares the room with was gone..i walked by and said goodnight and his name and said have a good weekend and he said goodnight and my name and we looked at each other as i passed but maybe a look is just a look and doesn't mean anything....he could have at that point just said hey you don't want to talk for a few minutes? he is a pretty outgoing guy...he must know some part of me likes him and is attracted to him?..
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 Rose, You need to get yourself used to the idea of boldly exposing your sincere interest to him. You need not expose your interest to everyone in the office, but you owe it to yourself to either a - make it completely clear to this office guy that you are interested or b - drop every single lingering thought about him The strong, confident adult move would be to let him know of your interest. The tougher move will be to completely forget your feelings for him.
norajane Posted July 20, 2010 Posted July 20, 2010 apart of me thinks that maybe that other person is right..how if he was truly interested he would let me know in some way and find out for sure i am available or not etc etc etc i feel like its a very big risk to go out of my way..when i left today at the end of the day--the person he shares the room with was gone..i walked by and said goodnight and his name and said have a good weekend and he said goodnight and my name and we looked at each other as i passed but maybe a look is just a look and doesn't mean anything....he could have at that point just said hey you don't want to talk for a few minutes? he is a pretty outgoing guy...he must know some part of me likes him and is attracted to him?.. You invited yourself to his house after an evening of drinking, so you could drink some more, and then proceeded to fool around. If he doesn't know you like him, he's stupid. He knows. And has chosen to do nothing about it. yeah, of course he could have found time to have a conversation with you since then. The only reason he hasn't is that he doesn't want to encourage your feelings.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 21, 2010 Posted July 21, 2010 The only reason he hasn't is that he doesn't want to encourage your feelings. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, so the fact that they WORK TOGETHER couldn't possibly matter in the equation as he sees it?
Author rose45 Posted July 22, 2010 Author Posted July 22, 2010 so maybe there is more to it than he just doesn't like me?
norajane Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Ahhhhhhhhhhh, so the fact that they WORK TOGETHER couldn't possibly matter in the equation as he sees it? He hasn't even TALKED to her, beyond random hello's and goodbye's and only because she keeps walking past his office and staring at him. If he were interested, he'd have managed a simple conversation in the last two weeks. I believe people are actually allowed to have conversations at work. He found time to talk to someone at work about how he wants to ask some other girl out, so yeah, he should have been able to say something, anything to this girl he made out with all night and would have f*cked if she'd let him. So, NO, I don't think the fact that they work together has much to do with his disinterest in even a casual chat.
norajane Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 so maybe there is more to it than he just doesn't like me? I'm sure he likes you, to a point. He doesn't want to pursue anything with you, though. Like dating. Or anything else, not even talking. He's brushing you off...giving you stay away signals by actually staying away from you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 So, NO, I don't think the fact that they work together has much to do with his disinterest in even a casual chat. You really need to reread the O.P. This was certainly not an unrequited effort for "casual chat" with a coworker. As with anybody, there is every chance that the person does not want a relationship with a coworker of any ilk.
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