Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I met my girlfriend on okcupid. We have been going out for 3 months. Official for a week and a half. I suspended my account and have no intent on trying to find a different gal. However my curiosity rose and I typed in her profile. On her profile shes been changing stuff like what it says about her and it still says shes single. It also says she logged on last night. I probably shouldn't have looked but doesn't this seem like a red flag from her? Should I ask her if she still uses that site and see what she says?
Serenitynow Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Yes Thats the problem with meeting people from internet dating Many of them will continue to keep looking I would have got this out of the way long before 3 months went by .
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 So I should ask and see what she says? Then if she lies dump her.
that girl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 When you say official, was it explicitly stated that neither of you would be seeing other people? I actually know of a relationship that recently ended over basically this issue because while the guy assumed they were monogomous, he never said anything and she kept dating. Point being, make sure you actually said it. Assuming you did, you have a few options. 1) Ask her casually the last time she logged on. Assuming the site's stats are accurate, you could break up with her for lying. I have heard those dates aren't accurate though. 2) Tell her you went on and saw she was active and ask why. See what the answer is, it could be a friend thing.
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 When you deleted yours did you tell her? Did you ask her if she was deleting her's? If not, I would bring it up now. Ask her if she still has her's up. If she lies then you know what's up.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 I just told her when I asked her to be my girl I deleted mine. Then I asked her if she deleted hers. Waiting for her response.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 She said "Still have it, dont use it". I know she has used it because she has changed/ added some stuff in there since I saw it last the day I asked her to be my girl. I will let it slide if she deletes it. Is it in my right as her boyfriend to ask for this? I think so. Nothing good can come from her being on there.
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I just told her when I asked her to be my girl I deleted mine. Then I asked her if she deleted hers. Waiting for her response. You need a response ?.. isn't her logging in and changing her profile to attract other men more than enough response to call her out.. Normally I'm on the side of "if you don't have the talk then you aren't exclusive and can't expect exclusivity" but since it has been 3 months and she knows you deleted your profile then she is playing you dude.. Even if she deletes her profile you are always going to be finding her looking for "the one".. Next...but only after a face to face with her on the status of the relationship.. in the end it could be possible that she thinks you haven't properly asked..
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Yeah, I would tell her that you are not comfortable with it being there and you would like her to delete it. If you really like her that is. Just be aware that this could be an issue that doesn't die because if she is already keeping this from you, then she could be keeping other things from you as well in the future. Just be wary. The decision on what to do is up to you. Only you know how you feel.
Numb Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I'll say this much, with every girl I have dated from a online dating site that we ended up connecting and dating we both deleted are profiles within a month but in that time we both had are profiles hidden. But bro 3 months, I would give her walking papers!! Cause she's still looking and thats the bottom line.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Heres what i said "I'd like you to delete it. I trust you its just nothing can come from having it up still. Will you please?" her - "That seems like you dont. Trust me." Heres what I think im gonna say "I'm not a chump and trust you but if you want to continue being in a relationship with me its gonna have to be deleted"
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 "That seems like you dont. Trust me." Heres what I think im gonna say "I'm not a chump and trust you but if you want to continue being in a relationship with me its gonna have to be deleted" First off dude.. you know she is still trying to attract other guys and is till using the service so at this point it isn't about trust.. It is about the fact that she is still looking for a guy and if your talks go any further then it will be about trust.. since you can't trust her now after her last response to you.. and no you don't lay out the chump stuff.. you just tell her you are done and good luck..
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Heres what i said "I'd like you to delete it. I trust you its just nothing can come from having it up still. Will you please?" her - "That seems like you dont. Trust me." Heres what I think im gonna say "I'm not a chump and trust you but if you want to continue being in a relationship with me its gonna have to be deleted" It's obvious where this is going. She's trying to pawn this off on you. Why should you trust someone that has a dating profile when they are supposed to be in a relationship. This isn't MySpace or Facebook, its a dating site. She's obviously playing games and you don't have to deal with this crap. You deleted yours as a gesture that you were serious and she didn't delete hers. If you both have an understanding that this is a serious relationship then she's playing games and can't be trusted.
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 You deleted yours as a gesture that you were serious and she didn't delete hers. If you both have an understanding that this is a serious relationship then she's playing games and can't be trusted. After 3 months I think Gero is right... Unless she has a good excuse for having the profile up then you need to face the music and move on..
Numb Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 You need to let her go, if she wants to date let her be single. Don't talk to her about it anymore and for gods sake don't say please to her anymore.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Just broke up with her. She refused to delete it. Said I have issues from my past that I'm putting on her. Totally untrue. Another waste of time. I can do better anyway.
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Just broke up with her. She refused to delete it. Said I have issues from my past that I'm putting on her. Totally untrue. Another waste of time. I can do better anyway. Good for you. She obviously has issues if she needs to get attention from guys that aren't her boyfriend and thinks that it's okay.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 I'm pissed at wasting time on another loser.
D-Lish Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 P, if after 3 months, she hasn't deleted her profile, she should be dead in the water to you. I never pressure, that's never been my style, I once met a guy from online in August, we dated formally, but never expressed things verbally. By October, I had deleted my profile as we had slept together. I never mentioned anything to him, but I kept a check on his profile. He deleted his shortly after I did. That's the way it should be.
Numb Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Just broke up with her. She refused to delete it. Said I have issues from my past that I'm putting on her. Totally untrue. Another waste of time. I can do better anyway. Just remember something, don't let what she said bother you in any way. You don't have any issues, she has the issues. Breaking up with her was the right thing to do.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Thanks. It's just hard to swallow. I was frustrated with her anyway as it seemed like I was doing most of the work in the relationship. I had plans for her to come up to see me on the 4th 45 minutes away. She acted like it was a huge inconvenience. I have been driving down there all the time to see her.
Author Pfiend101 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) The worst part is I actually felt something for this girl. Where before I was just wanting a relationship thinking it would make me happy. This time was different. Then she acts like I'm the scum of the earth for simply asking her to delete a dating website profile. I know I was right for saying delete it or im gone. But I cant help but feel that it was my fault for not being a good boyfriend or something. Another text breakup. argh Edited July 5, 2010 by Pfiend101
xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 The worst part is I actually felt something for this girl. Where before I was just wanting a relationship thinking it would make me happy. This time was different. Then she acts like I'm the scum of the earth for simply asking her to delete a dating website profile. I know I was right for saying delete it or im gone. But I cant help but feel that it was my fault for not being a good boyfriend or something. argh No it's not your fault. And she's being a b---- for turning the tables on you like that.
Sanman Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I've used OKC, it is a very honest site and she is a very dishonest person. That site specifically allows you to state that you are seeing someone as an option. It is the status option that my ex-gf and I chose after I asked her to be exclusive. She had the option of doing that and did not. She was trying to play you.
phineas Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) Heres what i said "I'd like you to delete it. I trust you its just nothing can come from having it up still. Will you please?" her - "That seems like you dont. Trust me." Heres what I think im gonna say "I'm not a chump and trust you but if you want to continue being in a relationship with me its gonna have to be deleted" your gonna be better off . Edited July 5, 2010 by phineas
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