brokenamy Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 that he will come back and like an idiot, I keep falling for it. Yes, I left him but I realize my mistake. He texts me telling me that I am the one for him, that he loves me and even spends a lot of time here. He tells me to give him time to "fix his problems" (the rebound he is in) and that he is coming back (he asked me to give him til Monday- he also has work issues to resolve) but it hurts. It hurts that I realized that I made a mistake in living him because I love/d him deeply but I am tired of being strung along. We have two kids so I can't go NC and deep down I am afraid that telling him to **** off will just push him further away. I want to stand up for myself because I groveled enough but I feel like I deserve this because I dumped him But then again when does the playing field level out? What can I do to not even get him back at this point because obviously he is playing me (he denies revenge just says he is still angry, confused and scared) but just to get on with life and not make him a priority anymore? Please guys you have to help me. It feels like someone is cutting up my heart with a heated knife and I can't take this pain anymore.
BeagleGal Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Girl, I know its tough and it sounds like you got suckered in one too many times but its gotta stop. He's not going to change. Especially b/c each time you go back, you just enable his behavior, you know what I mean? I'm not saying this is all on you, absolutely not, he most definitely is responsible for his actions. But you said so yourself, you're tired of being strung along so then stop. You have to look after yourself, your 2 kids and don't worry about his sorry, wishy-washy ass. He's not going to change anytime soon, not for you, not for anyone. Let him carry on like some loser jackass and you just focus on you and the kids. Having said that, b/c you have kids with him, obviously NC is not an option but at the very least stop repeating this cycle between you and him. Let contact be strictly about the kids and when he goes on with his sweet words and empty promises, remind yourself that its just a bunch of bull. BG... xx
Author brokenamy Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 thanks BG. Just don't know how to act because I don't wanna lose him. My BFF said that since I agreed to giving him until Monday to just stick to that and then go NC (full NC) if he falls through. I have never gone through this and guilt and pain and every other emotion makes it so that I don't even know how to stand up for myself.
BeagleGal Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well, look at it this way - if you lose him, you lose all the heartache that goes with it. I don't like that he even asked you to give him till Monday to sort his sh*t out but whatever. Do what you gotta do and come Monday if he's still carrying on, then cut him off and again, only about the kids. Neither have I! I am coping with a breakup and an ex who just broke me down like no one else has. Just an absolute piece of sh*t this man is. So I'm also a work in progress, learning as I go. But having had time/space away from him has helped me gain some real perspective about him and the situation, doesn't mean it makes it easier but it certainly has opened my eyes to some hard truths about him. Learn to stand up for yourself up with him. You wouldn't let your friends treat you this way, so why let him? thanks BG. Just don't know how to act because I don't wanna lose him. My BFF said that since I agreed to giving him until Monday to just stick to that and then go NC (full NC) if he falls through. I have never gone through this and guilt and pain and every other emotion makes it so that I don't even know how to stand up for myself.
Author brokenamy Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 As dumb as it sounds (I used to laugh at people who'd say this) it's because I am in love with him. He is the only man I know and I want my kids to have what I didn't: two loving parents.
spriggig Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Give him until Monday, because you've already agreed to. He needs to drop the OW and break off all contact with her. Yes, you left him and he had every right to find someone else, but you need to treat the OW as if it was an affair, because technically it was. There is a phenomenon known as "hysterical bonding", which is the strong desire for sex right after a breakup. If you had taken him back earlier, you would have been the subject of his hysterical bonding, but now the OW is filling that role. He might be mistaking these feelings for love--which is the reason for cutting off contact with her. If you have trouble with the "cheating", remind yourself that he (I assume) was not a virgin when you met him and you got over that. The common advice is to get him tested for VD's, before you invite him back to your bed. Also, remember that VD tests often come back with false positives, just get him tested again to be sure.
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