wheelwright Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I had a really good career opportunity a few months before my A with xMOM began. I enjoyed the work. I could be good at it, but also don't really know if it's where I should be going. There are things that I dislike about that work environment, but I enjoyed the challenge too. Now, a year after DDay, I have lost my job because I have been too distracted/broken hearted to give it what was necessary. Is there no end to the toll this A will take on my life? It's one thing to lose your job, another to understand you have not been able to fulfill career goals because you were involved in a love A. (It's the love part that made me under-achieve - takes off your focus if it's with a MM). Plus H's anger after DDay made it hard to deal with my work. Is this my Karma?
califnan Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I don't know anything about karma.. I just know that an A .. saps you, distracts you - and takes you completely off track, to say the least. Is there anyway you can appeal to whoever, that you are stronger now and more focussed.. If not, you may be able to seek the same opportunity - elsewhere..
Author wheelwright Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 I don't know anything about karma.. I just know that an A .. saps you, distracts you - and takes you completely off track, to say the least. Is there anyway you can appeal to whoever, that you are stronger now and more focussed.. If not, you may be able to seek the same opportunity - elsewhere.. Yes, elsewhere is a good word.
tami-chan Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I had a really good career opportunity a few months before my A with xMOM began. I enjoyed the work. I could be good at it, but also don't really know if it's where I should be going. There are things that I dislike about that work environment, but I enjoyed the challenge too. Now, a year after DDay, I have lost my job because I have been too distracted/broken hearted to give it what was necessary. Is there no end to the toll this A will take on my life? It's one thing to lose your job, another to understand you have not been able to fulfill career goals because you were involved in a love A. (It's the love part that made me under-achieve - takes off your focus if it's with a MM). Plus H's anger after DDay made it hard to deal with my work. Is this my Karma? Consequences of your choices. Consequences of letting your emotions get the better of you...of losing control...
BB07 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that WW......I hope things get back on track for you very soon. Hugs.......... BB
GreenEyedLady Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 ((WHEELWRIGHT)) I am so very sorry. I do not believe in Karma. I believe that there are consequences to our actions and luck factors in. I think that the biggest factor here is you. You decide your future. What do you want to happen now? I believe that we are the masters to our own destiny. What does that mean for you? This is not the end. This is a new beginning. What do you want to do with the opportunity? I am pulling for you. GEL ((HUGS))
Fallen Angel Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 ((WW)) I am sorry that you are feeling that you lost. I hope that you can turn your thinking around and see this for what it is, an opportunity to change your life. You can now decide exactly who, what, and where you want to be. You are tied to nothing. You get to start fresh somewhere new with people who do not know you as that distracted, emotionally damaged person that you were. You are not her anymore, and now you can move onward and upward being the real you again. I have total faith in you. You will turn this to an advantage and overtake and overcome any and all challenges you face in the future. You are stronger now, and I think you will shine in a new job!!
SidLyon Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 ... Is there no end to the toll this A will take on my life? It's one thing to lose your job, another to understand you have not been able to fulfill career goals because you were involved in a love A. ... Is this my Karma? I (or rather my fWH probably) can relate to this. I don't really believe in karma as such but sometimes it does seem like the right word to use for things that happen that are not logical consequences, but do seem to relate to what happened. After nearly 30 years with the same employer, my H was recently told he is surplus to requirements and will have to go elsewhere. He started this particular position (head of IT branch in a major government department) while the A was in full swing - the A lasted several years. It really was his dream job -the one he'd always strived for. Obviously they still require an IT manager but don't want him. He's not been given any real reason but it's my belief that the A has contributed in the sense that it was with one of his direct reports (in his previous position) and while it wasn't widely known, enough people knew or guessed of it and I guess his reputation is not good as a result. After all a married guy who "hits on" his female staff is not a good risk for the public service. He hates it when I raise this as a likely explanation but concedes he has no other explanation. During the A he has an air of "invincibility", that nothing could go wrong for him so he ended up taking risks in all areas of his life - not just in his marriage. As for the OW she got her own form of "karma" with the tragic death of her husband, to be followed by being thrown under the bus by my H when d-day happened shortly afterwards. As for me, the BW, I had my own form of hell. The impact of the affair and d-day effectively meant I spent over a year afterwards in an almost disintegrated state, pretty well being unable to function properly. This included just longing for a passive death and a feeling that I was just going through the motions of my life. Yes affairs can take an enormous toll on so many people. What I have found is that one keeps living, keeps doing one's best and things will eventually resolve. We have almost recovered our marriage and will get through this latest setback. Fortunately my income is good (while he is senior, I am very senior) and is more than enough to support our family. Keep at it WW.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 i feel the exact same way. someone the other day described my situation as sunshine and rainbows and i just had to laugh. i have lost everything in my life that i once knew due to my A. if its karma and the direct consequences of my actions, to me it seems a little much. and i question life and eveything that comes with it every second of every day because of this. my H, the happy lives my kids had, the respect of my job, my home, my money, the life i worked so hard to acheive. my concentration, my ability to be a good worker, my ambition and drive, myself. friends, family, coworkers, ive lost them all. my self esteem, my love of life, my happiness. i truly have lost every bit of my life and myself pre-affair. ive lived in pain and agony for a year now. so broken and battered by the aftermath that i cant even face the world to try to make a fresh start. my heart is so wounded and crushed that its cold and empty inside. i have no feelings for anything or anyone. i struggle to provide the best i can for my boys, but inside i feel like ive failed them. so i know exactly what you mean. its been blow after blow due to my actions that keep coming. when i think it cannot get worse it does. it hasnt let up at all since dday and im not sure that it ever will. i guess you reap what you sow, but i never could have imagined it would be like this...
sadintexas Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) i feel the exact same way. someone the other day described my situation as sunshine and rainbows and i just had to laugh. I'm lol a bit right now because I made the sunshine and rainbows comment but it's not quite how you remember it . "If you think she's sailing through this and her life is all sunshine and rainbows, I'm afraid you're very mistaken. All you need to do is read her posts to see that she is definitely not unscathed." I am very sorry for your pain though. I can just feel it reading your post. I hope for better days for you. Wheelwright, I'm so sorry to hear about your job. I do hope this brings better opportunities into your life so that you can begin anew. We do have to deal with the consequences of our actions (whatever they may be) and the best we can hope for is to learn from them and make a better life for ourselves. (((Wheelwright))) Edited July 3, 2010 by sadintexas
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Consequences of your choices. Consequences of letting your emotions get the better of you...of losing control... Not karma.. I agree with TC, it's the price you pay for the choices you've made. It sucks, and I'm sure life hasn't been easy but you obviously have learned from this and won't let it happen again. You'll probably toughen up and become more detached, especially when it comes to personal stuff vs work stuff, being able to focus and not let outside influences get in the way of your job.
Silly_Girl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 So so sorry to hear this. Every time my big-boss rang I thought it was to sack me. I have engaged with my job more this week than for about 15 months. I'm lucky to still have a job; it's going to take months to get back to where I need to be... So I do understand the absurd but very real impact of an emotional situation. And I really feel for you. But it's not karma. It's fact. You looked in the wrong direction for too long. Not a conscious choice but it happened. Please try not to see this as further opportunity for self-loathing or guilt. I think your top priority should be looking after yourself and getting your 'stuff' into a stronger, more positive position. Perhaps now, this, is your line in the sand? Perhaps this is when there is a move from How things were, to How things will be. I don't pretend to known or understand the ramifications of this WW, but perhaps, in the bigger wider map of your life this is forcing a fresh start, fresh eyes, a journey away from a great deal of hurt and upset. How are you feeling, WW?
jennie-jennie Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I (or rather my fWH probably) can relate to this. I don't really believe in karma as such but sometimes it does seem like the right word to use for things that happen that are not logical consequences, but do seem to relate to what happened. After nearly 30 years with the same employer, my H was recently told he is surplus to requirements and will have to go elsewhere. He started this particular position (head of IT branch in a major government department) while the A was in full swing - the A lasted several years. It really was his dream job -the one he'd always strived for. Obviously they still require an IT manager but don't want him. He's not been given any real reason but it's my belief that the A has contributed in the sense that it was with one of his direct reports (in his previous position) and while it wasn't widely known, enough people knew or guessed of it and I guess his reputation is not good as a result. After all a married guy who "hits on" his female staff is not a good risk for the public service. He hates it when I raise this as a likely explanation but concedes he has no other explanation. During the A he has an air of "invincibility", that nothing could go wrong for him so he ended up taking risks in all areas of his life - not just in his marriage. As for the OW she got her own form of "karma" with the tragic death of her husband, to be followed by being thrown under the bus by my H when d-day happened shortly afterwards. As for me, the BW, I had my own form of hell. The impact of the affair and d-day effectively meant I spent over a year afterwards in an almost disintegrated state, pretty well being unable to function properly. This included just longing for a passive death and a feeling that I was just going through the motions of my life. Yes affairs can take an enormous toll on so many people. What I have found is that one keeps living, keeps doing one's best and things will eventually resolve. We have almost recovered our marriage and will get through this latest setback. Fortunately my income is good (while he is senior, I am very senior) and is more than enough to support our family. Keep at it WW. WOW, Sid, your story is amazingly similar to another BW who used to post here.. her H's MOW's H also died tragically just prior to d-day.. and she too lives in your part of the world. So sorry you had to go through all this. I am glad things are looking up for you now. Take care.
Ellin Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Hello Wheelwright! Please try to be more positive. Why do you say your career will not be accomplished? You seem to have decided now that it will not be so. It's just one plan that hasn't worked out quite like you wanted it to. Change the plan or re-schedule it. Life goes on. You want to get to a certain place but one road has been blocked - find another way. There's more than one way to achieve your goals. It can be an exciting new challenge. One door closes, another opens. It sounds to me as if you feel you deserve "punishment". If you have this mindset you will sabotage your own efforts. Forgive yourself past mistakes, no one's perfect. You did what you thought was best in the circumstances. Now leave all this behind and start a new life, loving and accepting yourself and your past 100%.
SidLyon Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 WOW, Sid, your story is amazingly similar to another BW who used to post here.. her H's MOW's H also died tragically just prior to d-day.. and she too lives in your part of the world. So sorry you had to go through all this. I am glad things are looking up for you now. Take care. Well she definitely had another MOM at the same time. It drove my H crazy that the OOM used to send her flowers to her work and she would never tell my H what was going on. Talk about toxic relationships for all involved.
jennie-jennie Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well she definitely had another MOM at the same time. It drove my H crazy that the OOM used to send her flowers to her work and she would never tell my H what was going on. Talk about toxic relationships for all involved. Wow! Real life stories are "better" than soap operas! You don't need to watch soap operas anymore when you have LS! It would be funny, if it wasn't so sad.
torranceshipman Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Wow! Real life stories are "better" than soap operas! You don't need to watch soap operas anymore when you have LS! It would be funny, if it wasn't so sad. Who knows maybe the 2 stories are related?
aerogurl87 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well I'm not gonna be so nice, OP and excuse me for my bluntness, but karma can be a b*tch sometimes. You get from life what you put in.
Silly_Girl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well I'm not gonna be so nice, OP and excuse me for my bluntness, but karma can be a b*tch sometimes. You get from life what you put in. Well overall I've put in to others a hundred times what I've got out. If only life were so simple!!
aerogurl87 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well overall I've put in to others a hundred times what I've got out. If only life were so simple!! I've done the same thing, and after I cheated on my ex boyfriend I got back how he felt when I betrayed him in full and then some. He got the same after he left me for some random girl. And now as I leave this thread I'll quote Gary Allan: "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride".
porcupine Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 So so sorry to hear this. Every time my big-boss rang I thought it was to sack me. I have engaged with my job more this week than for about 15 months. I'm lucky to still have a job; it's going to take months to get back to where I need to be... So I do understand the absurd but very real impact of an emotional situation. And I really feel for you. But it's not karma. It's fact. You looked in the wrong direction for too long. Not a conscious choice but it happened. Please try not to see this as further opportunity for self-loathing or guilt. I think your top priority should be looking after yourself and getting your 'stuff' into a stronger, more positive position. Perhaps now, this, is your line in the sand? Perhaps this is when there is a move from How things were, to How things will be. I don't pretend to known or understand the ramifications of this WW, but perhaps, in the bigger wider map of your life this is forcing a fresh start, fresh eyes, a journey away from a great deal of hurt and upset. How are you feeling, WW? So right,.... WW, It took me the last 16 18 months to get back to myself, and I wasn't in an affair. I understand how you can lose your way from all the emotional turmoil and the upset. It was a result of the choice I made to be with my X and it hurts to think I made a conscious decision to be with him that turned so wrong. You CAN make it back again, recession or not, if you are good at what you do, get your CV out there and start again. It's not the end. I'm lucky to still be in work and don't know how I did it cos I was a zombie all of last year. Chin up, this man is out of your life now. The lesson is learned to stay away from people that bring such disruption to your life. Married or not, if a relationship feels like work then it isn't for you. Good luck..hugs:)
lolapalooza Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 (edited) I believe in karma. If some want to look at it as consequences for your actions, fine. But I believe that what goes around, comes around. So yeah, this may be your karma. Who knows? If you don't change your ways, maybe you will have this bad karma the rest of your life. Karma works to teach us. Have you learned? Perhaps you should stop being so selfish thinking only of yourself and do some kindness for others. In doing good for others, perhaps you can bring some good back to your life. Edited July 4, 2010 by lolapalooza
OWoman Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 WW, MBEG, (((hugs))) and sorry to hear that both of you lost out so badly as a result of your As. With any R there are risks, and anything that takes too much of your time, effort and attention away from other aspects of your life that need that time, effort or attention can have negative outcomes - ask the high schooler who falls in love just before finals; or the sportsman who took his partying too seriously before an important match; or the workaholic H who finds his M in tatters and his kids estranged. When we lose our sense of perspective and balance, our priorities get shuffled and that can lead to devastating consequences. But love, romance or even just hot sex can also lead to positive outcomes - more energy, which can be invested in your job, your hobbies or your studies; more confidence, which can lead to better performance socially, at work or in other areas; or broader horizons, leading to new perspectives, different understandings and deepened interest, to name just a few. As a manager I've had to deal with both sides - staff whose private lives consumed them at the expense of their work performance, and staff whose private lives gave a boost to their work performance. Managers can tell when something is up with their staff, and good managers broach the topic sensitively and refer the staff member to the support systems they need, and negotiate performance improvement plans with them to keep them on track long before it becomes necessary to dismiss someone. Given that the dismissal has already happened, it's important not to lose the lesson. If your work matters to you more than your R - and for most people, financial necessity makes that so - then you need to keep that in focus at all times. If, OTOH, you can take or leave your job, and easily find another (or survive fine without one) then focusing on your R may be more important. Either way, knowing what matters most to you and keeping your priorities straight is a valuable lesson to learn and helpful in whatever you do next.
Silly_Girl Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 I believe in karma. If some want to look at it as consequences for your actions, fine. But I believe that what goes around, comes around. So yeah, this may be your karma. Who knows? If you don't change your ways, maybe you will have this bad karma the rest of your life. Karma works to teach us. Have you learned? Perhaps you should stop being so selfish thinking only of yourself and do some kindness for others. In doing good for others, perhaps you can bring some good back to your life. Not trying to be controversial here; genuine question: are there other posts by the OP that prove she is selfish in all areas of her life and is incapable of showing any kindness to others in any capacity or circumstance? I have always believed that good people can do bad things, and vice versa, but am wondering if there's more to this thread that I'm not aware of because I'm so new to LS. Thanks for any help.
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