Bogo123 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Whats the best course of action if you went on 3 dates with someone but they want to call it quits. Call them and ask for another chance or just ignore and hope that they come back around? Just wondering if calling and spilling out your thoughts and asking for one more date would do more harm than good. But what do u have to lose by doing this?
Crusoe Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Whats the best course of action if you went on 3 dates with someone but they want to call it quits. Call them and ask for another chance or just ignore and hope that they come back around? Just wondering if calling and spilling out your thoughts and asking for one more date would do more harm than good. But what do u have to lose by doing this? Dignity.....
hopesndreams Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 You lose your self-respect. But what do u have to lose by doing this?
Phateless Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Whats the best course of action if you went on 3 dates with someone but they want to call it quits. Call them and ask for another chance or just ignore and hope that they come back around? Just wondering if calling and spilling out your thoughts and asking for one more date would do more harm than good. But what do u have to lose by doing this? dude, that person isn't interested and there's nothing wrong with that. Just move on.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) I would always ask them in a curious sort of demeaner to explain to me why. If they couldn't muster a reason I ASSUME it's then a stupid reason, a superficial thing, or something unrelated to anything I did wrong etc. That's the only reason I'd be worried about someone wanting to call it quits. I wouldn't care if I got no answer, like if I did something wrong which maybe I didnt realize or was misunderstood etc and it was a "dealbreaker" on their list. Perhaps I was being dry on a joke and she didn't get it and didn't say so or let on but used it out of context to paint me as an offender of a pet peeve of hers. --- If you get a proper reason, maybe you can use it to help better your future dealings in early dates. If it's a stupid one and she DOES tell you, likely is you'll be damn relieved and greatful she showed you how poorly she deals with dating and how ficle her criteria is, and glad you didn't get more attached before she acted on these show-stoppers. Edited July 3, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Phateless Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I would always ask them in a curious sort of demeaner to explain to me why. If they couldn't muster a reason I ASSUME it's then a stupid reason, a superficial thing, or something unrelated to anything I did wrong etc. That's the only reason I'd be worried about someone wanting to call it quits. I wouldn't care if I got no answer, like if I did something wrong which maybe I didnt realize or was misunderstood etc and it was a "dealbreaker" on their list. Perhaps I was being dry on a joke and she didn't get it and didn't say so or let on but used it out of context to paint me as an offender of a pet peeve of hers. --- If you get a proper reason, maybe you can use it to help better your future dealings in early dates. If it's a stupid one and she DOES tell you, likely is you'll be damn relieved and greatful she showed you how poorly she deals with dating and how ficle her criteria is, and glad you didn't get more attached before she acted on these show-stoppers. After 3 dates they don't owe you anything and there might be no particular reason. If they just don't feel a click then that's it and that's ok. There are SOOO many people in the world, why would you harp on this one? Honestly I would consider it very weird if a girl tried to negotiate this with me after only 3 dates.
Author Bogo123 Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 I know its been only a few dates, but weve been talking for 2 months (both hectic schedules). This one is just hard to let go because she pretty much has all the qualities im looking for in a woman. I guess I got a little attached. She didn't actually say its over, but she's been giving me excuses not to meet up. Plus her text responses are slowing down and she no longer initiates the conversation.
moxo Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I think you should leave it as it's only been 3 dates. Pursuing it could seem a bit desperate and I'm sure you're not
Morals Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Did you meet her online? I'm betting he did. Meeting the girl for 3 dates in a 2 month period is rather odd. I'm betting that the guy gave alot of information about himself and didn't leave a whole lot for the face to face interaction. I get the same way sometimes. It's hard, because without enough face to face interaction, the girl dissociates the intrique and knowledge of the other person. It's just "text". Think of it as a book without a cover OR a title. It might be the greatest book in the world, but you don't know what the book is, so you don't ever read it. You've given her the "book", but there's no association with the person.
tami-chan Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Whats the best course of action if you went on 3 dates with someone but they want to call it quits. Call them and ask for another chance or just ignore and hope that they come back around? Just wondering if calling and spilling out your thoughts and asking for one more date would do more harm than good. But what do u have to lose by doing this? No, never call them back and ask for a reconsideration. Have them come around and do not give in to what they want, until they prove themselves otherwise. They will either pursue you or drop.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 It's similar to stalking and getting a restraint order slapped on ya.
Author Bogo123 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 No we met at a bar. Our face to face interactions have been fantastic, not a dull moment. Lots of kissing and touching. But I feel like because we couldn't see each other for the past 3 weeks, the momentum was lost and too much time passed. As a result, maybe her attraction towards me gradually decreased and she forgot how much fun we had. Im pretty confident that if we see each other again, her good emotions about me will come back and it will be all good again. But that's the challenge right now, getting her on another date. I've decided against having the serious talk about what's going on or if she's still interested. I'm just gonna assume she is and continue contacting her (without smothering) until she stops responding or tells me she's not interested. Sometimes persistence pays.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 She didn't actually say its over, but she's been giving me excuses not to meet up. Plus her text responses are slowing down and she no longer initiates the conversation. She doesn't like you that way. Move on.
tami-chan Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 ... I'm just gonna assume she is and continue contacting her (without smothering) until she stops responding or tells me she's not interested. Sometimes persistence pays. and this is one of the reasons why women don't bother saying "I am not interested in you that way"...why bother? let him figure it out when I dodge his calls and give excuses to not meeting him... DUDE!!!! stop <sigh>.
sloudrou Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 But what do u have to lose by doing this? The time you could have spent with someone else who might actually say "yes". Just forget about her, she's not interested. Even if you DID manage to talk her around, you'd only be keeping the seat warm for her next boyfriend anyway, is that what you really want? Just leave her alone and find someone else.
Phateless Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 No we met at a bar. Our face to face interactions have been fantastic, not a dull moment. Lots of kissing and touching. But I feel like because we couldn't see each other for the past 3 weeks, the momentum was lost and too much time passed. As a result, maybe her attraction towards me gradually decreased and she forgot how much fun we had. Im pretty confident that if we see each other again, her good emotions about me will come back and it will be all good again. But that's the challenge right now, getting her on another date. I've decided against having the serious talk about what's going on or if she's still interested. I'm just gonna assume she is and continue contacting her (without smothering) until she stops responding or tells me she's not interested. Sometimes persistence pays. She probably met someone else. What's so special about this girl that you're hell-bent on salvaging this?
ivyterre83 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 [quote=Bogo123;2871316 She didn't actually say its over, but she's been giving me excuses not to meet up. Plus her text responses are slowing down and she no longer initiates the conversation. im confused was she always the first one to contact you?
Author Bogo123 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 She probably met someone else. What's so special about this girl that you're hell-bent on salvaging this? She's the total package: attractive (exactly my type), great personality, educated, good career...just all around wifey material. I don't come across this very often so I want to exhaust all options so I can move on without regrets. I don't believe in the "leave it alone and if it was meant to be she'll come back around". That never happens. im confused was she always the first one to contact you? No, but she would initiate some of them. Maybe it was a 75:25 ratio. Now she doesn't initiate any.
Phateless Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 No, but she would initiate some of them. Maybe it was a 75:25 ratio. Now she doesn't initiate any. It's done. Your best hope is to cut contact 100% and reinitiate fresh in about a month. When you do this it "resets" the dynamic. If she were interested now, she would contact you. Begging for another chance will only worsen the situation by making your perceived value even lower in her eyes.
Author Bogo123 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 It's done. Your best hope is to cut contact 100% and reinitiate fresh in about a month. When you do this it "resets" the dynamic. If she were interested now, she would contact you. Begging for another chance will only worsen the situation by making your perceived value even lower in her eyes. Im definitely not gonna beg for another chance anymore. But what about accepting that it's over and just asking her what's wrong or what happened? We've been talking for a little over 2 months now and I feel an explanation is warranted. I want to know if it was anything I did so I can learn from this experience and move on.
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