Author New Again Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) I'm going to put this into what my perception of the pertinent points are: You feel she's interested in your b/f as more than a friend.She's obnoxious.Your b/f is being inconsiderate.So how will you address these points? If you don't address these points with him, resentment has and will build. I would seriously question your b/f about what he gets out of his friendship with this girl. My guess based on the information you've provided is: Your b/f enjoys the female attention.He enjoys the opportunity to rip on a mutual friend.She's entertaining to him.Reasons 1 and 2 of the guessed reasons would have me personally punting him out the door. We haven't had a minute alone since Thursday to discuss her/the situation, aside from our conversation in the lobby while she kept us waiting on Friday. Am anxious to see if he brings anything up himself when he gets off work today. I think he thinks the other friend is being passive aggressive (she definitely is), and that he's annoyed about that. He's usually pretty direct, and I bet he ends up saying something to her. At the moment I'm leaning toward thinking that there's some weird combination of events that contributed to all this, that partially stems from the mutual friend. Oddly, my bf can't seem to understand why I'm vaguely displeased with the situation, yet he's upset that the mutual friend refused to make time for "Jane", and he doesn't understand her point of view. I know that initially when he heard Jane was coming to town he thought it was mostly to see the other friend and she would be hosting Jane. I know that up until the last minute he was emailing the other friend telling her to hang out with Jane at least one night. "Jane" is an obnoxious "hinter", just constantly dropping hints and implying things (ex: "I'm so shy, it's so hard for me to talk to strangers, I haven't met anyone at this conference, I have to eat dinner in my room by myself every night"), and then declining offers because she doesn't want to impose or whatever, then hinting again and again until finally you're insisting that there's simply no other solution but that she do whatever it was that she was hinting at incessantly. my guess is he is probably cheating on you I don't think he has time to. I think that maybe he felt forced into a situation b/c he sucks at saying no, and then convinced himself that his actions were reasonable and everyone else was insensitive or something for thinking he was going too far. He's extremely sensitive about any comment that could at all be construed as criticism, or questioning him. Guess I'll see what he has to say and take it from there. Edited July 5, 2010 by New Again
threebyfate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 So in short-form, you're saying he's a typical male who can't see through feminine wiles. In portraying him this way, you can't hold him responsible for what you perceive was his inconsiderate behaviour. You're also throwing the entire blame on this girl. And yet, no one can be manipulated without their consent. I dunno, New Again. It appears to me that you're finding excuses for him and not drilling down deep enough or getting information directly from him, to fully understand the situation. Either address the situation or leave it alone. As you're already experiencing, leaving it alone is causing you resentment.
Author New Again Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 So in short-form, you're saying he's a typical male who can't see through feminine wiles. In portraying him this way, you can't hold him responsible for what you perceive was his inconsiderate behaviour. You're also throwing the entire blame on this girl. And yet, no one can be manipulated without their consent. I dunno, New Again. It appears to me that you're finding excuses for him and not drilling down deep enough or getting information directly from him, to fully understand the situation. Either address the situation or leave it alone. As you're already experiencing, leaving it alone is causing you resentment. Oddly, this almost reminds me of something my ex would do, which is maybe making me think that this whole situation was purely motivated by self-absorption and a need to be liked and admired by everyone. I'm definitely going to give him a chance to bring this up himself and see what he has to say. If he doesn't bring it up himself tonight, I'll be bringing it up. Not sure exactly what to say at this point - never my strong suit. I hate how I seem to get myself into these situations where I'm worked up over something that's not a very clear-cut someone did something wrong situation.
threebyfate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Oddly, this almost reminds me of something my ex would do, which is maybe making me think that this whole situation was purely motivated by self-absorption and a need to be liked and admired by everyone. I'm definitely going to give him a chance to bring this up himself and see what he has to say. If he doesn't bring it up himself tonight, I'll be bringing it up. Not sure exactly what to say at this point - never my strong suit. I hate how I seem to get myself into these situations where I'm worked up over something that's not a very clear-cut someone did something wrong situation.Why are you waiting for him to bring it up? You're the one who's upset, not him. Straight up New Again, sometimes I don't understand you. You have to take charge sometimes.
Author New Again Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Why are you waiting for him to bring it up? You're the one who's upset, not him. Straight up New Again, sometimes I don't understand you. You have to take charge sometimes. I want to see if he has anything to say about "Jane"/Jane's visit.
Star Gazer Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I want to see if he has anything to say about "Jane"/Jane's visit. Why would he have anything to say? Clearly, the whole situation is okay by him. He has nothing to address. YOU do. So you should.
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