fwang Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I came to USA 9 months ago. Generally speaking, I don't know much about American culture. Here is the thing. I am almost 23 years old and he is 38. Yep, we have a 15-year gap. The frist moment I saw him, I thought he was around 30. Meanwhile, I also look very matured and everybody tends to think that I am 26 or more. We met in a bar and talked a little bit. Seems like there is chemistry between us. I just want to know what do you guys think of the age gap? Is that usual in USA? Or he just wanna take advantage of inexperienced girl? PS: I might also have some issues. My mom committed suicide 6 months ago and my dad is in prison because of corruption. I blame my dad for my mom's death (he treated my mom very badly, using cold violence) and refuse to forgive him. I am the only child. I am alone in the world.
Pyro Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 All I can say is to take things slowly. Get to know this guy away from a bar setting. Get to know who he is and what he likes. With an age gap like that, its a lesser chance that the two of you have much in common.
curiousnycgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 PS: I might also have some issues. My mom committed suicide 6 months ago and my dad is in prison because of corruption. I blame my dad for my mom's death (he treated my mom very badly, using cold violence) and refuse to forgive him. I am the only child. I am alone in the world. You MIGHT have some issues? You are the mistress of understatement! That is a tremendous amount for anyone to deal with - my heart goes out to you. That is a huge burden to carry alone. I am assuming your father is in prison in the country you moved to the US from - you say you are all alone - do you really not have a support structure yet? Do you have one back home? As to your original question - at your age 15 years seems like a very large age gap because you are just starting out on your independent adult life, and he is well established at this point (or at least he should be) - so the age gap appears to much greater than it would by the time you are 30 or so. Given your personal situation - there is a possibility you are looking for a loving/secure/trustworthy father figure - but perhaps not. Sorry we just don't know enough about you at this point to say one way or the other. I would suggest you take things very slowly in your dating life at the moment with this or any other guy. You are facing some very tremendous hurdles in your life right now and do not need to run hasitly into anything else. Welcome to LS and best of luck to you. HUGS
Author fwang Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Our first date was on last Tuesday. And then we met on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Most of the time, we just stayed in his apartment, eating or watching movies. One time, I even fell asleep. We kissed and touched but nothing else happened. Also, he introduced me to his friends during parties. Yesterday, there was a 30th floor party in his building and we showed up as dates. In the party, we were not that close. He was talking to others and I just wanderred around. I can see that there are some ladies are a kind of interested in him. But I don't feel any jealous. And of course, these ladies stared at me up and down. There are always reasons for men to be single. He is good looking and in good shape, rich and healthy. He does biking race, live in an expensive condo located in the downtown and graduated from Ivy League Colleges. And he is 38 and single!!! I know my life is a kind of messed up. But it's not my fault. And I do like him. So far, is everything a good sign or not according to your American dating standards? PS: I am Aisan.
guy.lepage Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So far everything seems to be good. Age difference isn't a big deal if you ask me. What matters is whether you get along or not, and being able to spend days talking and watching TV is a good sign that you two have something to share. As long as you are happy and feel respected in the relationship, I say age doesn't matter.
Author fwang Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I am soooooooo upset this week. We met 2 weeks ago and officially started hanging out (or should I call it dating?) 10 days ago. He always asks me to meet him in his apartment, which means I have to drive all the time. Crap. Today, I texted him at 4:00 pm like "Do you wanna meet after work since it's raining and you can't bike". He didn't text me back until 6:00 pm, and the message said " I am working out with my friend now. Call you in 1 hour when I am done." 75 minutes passed, he didn't call. So I made the call. In the call, he told me that he needed to deal with something tonight, and he would touch base with me tomorrow. Maybe we can go for a movie or something. For some reasons, I am a very needy and demanding person. But from my point of view, if he doesn't wanna meet tonight, he could tell me about it 1 hour ago when he texted. Does it have anything to do with American culture? He keeps telling me that he likes smart girl. I think there are two meanings. What he wants is a smart and independent girl knowing what she should do appropriately in any occasions. I think he is a little bit arrogant cuz he knows that he is in a good position. Maybe he already had 10 ex girlfriends and slept with 40 women for the past years. But come on, I am not that desperate and I also have a high self-esteem. Does it mean that he doesn't care about me at all? And one more question, how often should we meet per week since we have known each other for only 2 weeks. Thanks!
Raderick Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 To me: Yes. I have a little bit of an unwritten rule that I won't go out with anyone younger than my sister (she turns 20 this month, I turn 23 next month). It's a personal preference, nothing more and nothing less.
Raderick Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I am soooooooo upset this week. We met 2 weeks ago and officially started hanging out (or should I call it dating?) 10 days ago. He always asks me to meet him in his apartment, which means I have to drive all the time. Crap. Today, I texted him at 4:00 pm like "Do you wanna meet after work since it's raining and you can't bike". He didn't text me back until 6:00 pm, and the message said " I am working out with my friend now. Call you in 1 hour when I am done." 75 minutes passed, he didn't call. So I made the call. In the call, he told me that he needed to deal with something tonight, and he would touch base with me tomorrow. Maybe we can go for a movie or something. For some reasons, I am a very needy and demanding person. But from my point of view, if he doesn't wanna meet tonight, he could tell me about it 1 hour ago when he texted. Does it have anything to do with American culture? He keeps telling me that he likes smart girl. I think there are two meanings. What he wants is a smart and independent girl knowing what she should do appropriately in any occasions. I think he is a little bit arrogant cuz he knows that he is in a good position. Maybe he already had 10 ex girlfriends and slept with 40 women for the past years. But come on, I am not that desperate and I also have a high self-esteem. Does it mean that he doesn't care about me at all? And one more question, how often should we meet per week since we have known each other for only 2 weeks. Thanks! I'm only going by my experience, but after a couple of weeks of hanging out, I find it natural for someone to come over to my place on short notice if they want to (and I'm available). Obviously this may be different depending on the person and the situation. It could be simply that he forgot to give you a call. I tend to forget a lot about things after I finish a work-out, or something that keeps my busy for a prolonged period of time. So don't put much thought in it, try to schedule your next hangout soon.
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