amythan Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) I always had problems confronting people and most of the times i use to say nothing until i get fed up and then i cut them from my life. I am also trying to play cool, not demanding and going with the flow. This makes me fell insecure and stressed as i feel that i do not have any power in my relationships. I am going out with this guy (LDR) and i do not really know where this is heading. And i would like to know as it lasts for several months and i am getting really attached. Now things are more difficult (external things have changed) and i would like to cut my loses if he is not really interested. I do not want to chat him him for more months to realize that for him this is kind of casual thing. We went to dates and slept together. Anyway i feel unable to ask as i do not want to appear as pushy, demanding, emotional or annoying. And i am also too scared to lose him. On the top of that he is always telling me i am cute, the cutest blah blah but i feel like a child not like a woman. For example, he has some important things going on and i texted "i just wanted to wish you luck with ___, let me know how it goes, ok?" and he replied "thanks for the encouragement, you are always sweet" ... I feel i am always too nice, but i would like other people to do the same with me but i give the vibe that i do not care, that i am cool to take whatever behavior and i do not know how to change this. How can i change this ? How can i demand what i want without feeling too demanding ? Thanks for your comments ! Edited July 2, 2010 by amythan
robdrm32 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Well you can do 2 things really. One is ask him straight up if this is going anywhere. Or you can just distance yourself from him a bit and see if he catches on, if he asks you "what's up?" tell him you need this to be going somewhere. If he doesn't catch on and lets it drift away you know where each other stand. As for demanding things, you can't get with a guy then tell him he has to start doing x,y,z to make you happy all of a sudden. If you get with him its based on what hes been offering since you've known him. (referring to saying sweet things etc.) If that's not who he is you can't hold it against him in a relationship. You can ask for a little more but he is who he is, you take it or leave it.
that girl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 You have every right to ask a guy if a relationship is monogomous and possibly long term. Who cares if he thinks it is pushy? You don't sound like you would see him again if it isn't. As for the other part, I'm not really sure what is going on. Too nice sounds like a personal issue rather than him actually taking advantage. If "cute" is a word that just rubs you the wrong way, you should say that. Just be careful that you don't make it sound like he shouldn't compliment you, make sure it is about how you love the sentiment but cute makes you feel like a puppy.
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Why is cute such a bad word? Girls say guys are cute and that seems more weird to me than anything. It seems like he likes you but you don't get his style. I know that I like cute girls and I see no problem in calling a girl cute. The thing is that guys will use words that they are comfortable with and it doesn't mean that he thinks you are not hot or sexy or whatever you want to be called. That's just my experience. If you are worried about where the relationship is going, then ask him. It's reasonable to wonder if you guys are exclusive or not. The thing you need to really work on is your insecurities. I know exactly how you feel because I am a nice guy and I struggle with insecurities at times. The problem with people who have insecurities is that they/we worry about not being this or being that and try to ignore or deny the problem. You can't just ignore the issue and act like it doesn't exist. That's why the relationships never work because you expect too much from someone else because you are too insecure and try to be someone you're not. Being insecure doesn't make you any less of a person. Being insecure and trying to ignore the fact by acting aloof or playing games does because you are lying to yourself and lying to the person that you are with. It's hard to deal with, but you have to eventually otherwise you will never be truly happy in life. It's not easy, but if you find someone that truly likes you then they will understand and try to help you as long and you don't demand too much of them. I hope things work out.
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