tkgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 don't worry.. it should be easy enough here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? thanks!
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 My male friend says that he could but he wouldn't want to commit to a LTR.
TheLoneSock Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 don't worry.. it should be easy enough here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? thanks! Yes. Although I'm finding that ability is fading as I get more mature. Probably just a product of my priorities shifting.
Shakz Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I don't know how to answer because I always thought "chemistry" meant strong sexual attraction. Seems as though you are understanding more as emotional/psychological campatibility or connection. So are you asking have I ever slept with a woman to whom I wasn't strongly attracted? Of course. Any port in a storm.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 My male friend says that he could but he wouldn't want to commit to a LTR. Dude, your avatar picture makes you look like you probably have a severed head in one of your mits. No offense. As to the OP, chemistry is usually something I find either good or bad--not just lacking. It's just a natural vibe and it it ain't good, it's not long before it's a drag. I've passed up opportunities for one nighters just on vibes. Satisfying sex requires some damn affection.
Author tkgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 wow... so the reason I ask... and without going into too much detail... a while ago a guy I really cared for said something to me that still sort of haunts me... he said "I don't think the chemistry is what we expected" oh, and then he added "it's either there or it isn't" this is after dating for a couple months and being intimate too. To be honest, it was pretty much a slap in the face... like some sort of generic break-up line he's used in the past. And for the record, I was the one that was walking away from him... I really wasn't getting what I needed emotionally. But we definitely had chemistry... why else would he have dated me (again.. but that's another story) and all the other stuff? but I said I don't want to go into too many details, remember? thanks again guys... very different and interesting responses so far... keep 'em coming!
sumdude Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Maybe? I have slept with a couple women only to find out that chemistry was lacking in that department. At which point I usually end things.
MrNate Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 wow... so the reason I ask... and without going into too much detail... a while ago a guy I really cared for said something to me that still sort of haunts me... he said "I don't think the chemistry is what we expected" oh, and then he added "it's either there or it isn't" this is after dating for a couple months and being intimate too. To be honest, it was pretty much a slap in the face... like some sort of generic break-up line he's used in the past. And for the record, I was the one that was walking away from him... I really wasn't getting what I needed emotionally. But we definitely had chemistry... why else would he have dated me (again.. but that's another story) and all the other stuff? but I said I don't want to go into too many details, remember? thanks again guys... very different and interesting responses so far... keep 'em coming! Are you trying to convince yourself of some doubtful thought in the back of your mind? That's what it sounds like. It seems you can't quite get this guy out of your head.
aerogurl87 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Some guys can, other's can't. My boyfriend said he could never sleep with someone he doesn't feel a connection with. And I know the same thing goes for dating with him. I have some guy friends though who if they got desperate would sleep with any girl as long as they found her somewhat attractive, but they'd never date them.
Disillusioned Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 don't worry.. it should be easy enough here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? thanks! Nope. Never did, never will. No commitment, no nookie... no exceptions. BTW don't mix nitric acid with glycerin. Trust me on that.
BentSpine Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Probably not. Knowing that intimacy often makes the woman feel vulnerable, I probably need to find something, anything, that I honestly find physically desirable about her. Otherwise she'll be able to tell and feel used, I think. Women deserve, if not a relationship, then at least to feel valued for their gift of intimacy.
Serenitynow Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I have issues where I need to "connect" with her mentally. Things have to click. I'm 39 and I've only found 5 women so far that have peeked my interest enough to have sex with.
carhill Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? No, simply because I wouldn't feel anything for them as a human being and I don't desire to have sex with objects. That's like masturbation. YMMV.
Author tkgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Are you trying to convince yourself of some doubtful thought in the back of your mind? That's what it sounds like. It seems you can't quite get this guy out of your head. something like that.. it's more like I feel like I need to get out there and date again, but after what I went through with this guy I'm not sure if I'm really ready. It's like I doubt my own judgement now because what I thought I had with this guy... was it not real at all? know what I mean? Nope. Never did, never will. No commitment, no nookie... no exceptions. BTW don't mix nitric acid with glycerin. Trust me on that. funny! Probably not. Knowing that intimacy often makes the woman feel vulnerable, I probably need to find something, anything, that I honestly find physically desirable about her. Otherwise she'll be able to tell and feel used, I think. Women deserve, if not a relationship, then at least to feel valued for their gift of intimacy. nice response.. I like it! No, simply because I wouldn't feel anything for them as a human being and I don't desire to have sex with objects. That's like masturbation. YMMV. yeah... that's how I am too... BTW, what's YMMV?
reservoirdog1 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 don't worry.. it should be easy enough here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? thanks! I could, and I have. And it kinda sucked. That was a few years ago and I've raised my standards somewhat.
carhill Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 BTW, what's YMMV? YMMV = your mileage may vary = your experience/perception/opinion may differ It's old internet-speak from my years on the newsgroups, by the way (BTW)
Author tkgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 I could, and I have. And it kinda sucked. That was a few years ago and I've raised my standards somewhat. hmmm.. curious! makes me wonder... YMMV = your mileage may vary = your experience/perception/opinion may differ It's old internet-speak from my years on the newsgroups, by the way (BTW) YMMV... that's a definite when it comes to loveshack!
Ross PK Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) I don't even know what chemistry is. I'd sleep with anyone above legal age and under 50 who I found physically attractive. Hope that answers your question. Edited July 2, 2010 by Ross PK
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I see chemistry as both parties being physically/sexually into each other. If one isn't attracted to the other there may not be a full sense of passion etc in the sex. Stale sex/plain sex, lack of sexual thrill in the bedroom is for me a lack of chemistry. The other stuff is relationship based, the companionship between partners is the "connection" stuff. I see chemistry and connection in two seperate categories. If he said anything about chemistry maybe he meant he noticed you werent into it physically ; and like you said, you were leaving him so maybe you havent been into it in the bedroom with him for some time? so maybe this is what he used against you to make himself feel valued for his body or sexuality. Like reflecting ; "Kinda knew she wasnt into it lately, so thats why shes leaving me I guess? I'm not bad though, my sexuality was great for other girls Ive been with" sentiments.
alphamale Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 here goes: could you date and/or sleep with someone you don't feel "chemistry" with? no i could not
florence of suburbia Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) But, aren't there many guys, especially those with a high sex drive, who would rather have sex than no sex? With this type of guy if his first choice or second choice isn't available, won't he often settle for someone willing? Especially if it is just a one time thing. Edited July 3, 2010 by florence of suburbia
Author tkgirl Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 I see chemistry as both parties being physically/sexually into each other. If one isn't attracted to the other there may not be a full sense of passion etc in the sex. Stale sex/plain sex, lack of sexual thrill in the bedroom is for me a lack of chemistry. The other stuff is relationship based, the companionship between partners is the "connection" stuff. I see chemistry and connection in two seperate categories. If he said anything about chemistry maybe he meant he noticed you werent into it physically ; and like you said, you were leaving him so maybe you havent been into it in the bedroom with him for some time? so maybe this is what he used against you to make himself feel valued for his body or sexuality. Like reflecting ; "Kinda knew she wasnt into it lately, so thats why shes leaving me I guess? I'm not bad though, my sexuality was great for other girls Ive been with" sentiments. yep, there's definitely some truth in what you wrote... man, this thread I had to go and start is bringing up a lot of unresolved feelings I thought I dealt with... but I guess there was this last burning question of HOW? HOW did we end up together... again and again... and then say there was no "chemistry"... and I'm not just talking about sex. God... I thought I was over him a long time ago... no i could not thanks alpha! I find your honesty so refreshing But, aren't there many guys, especially those with a high sex drive, who would rather have sex than no sex? With this type of guy if his first choice or second choice isn't available, won't he often settle for someone willing? Especially if it is just a one time thing. this guy... sex... where do I start? But no, it wasn't about sex with him. I know it's hard to believe, but that wasn't all he was after... I know those kind of guys... they are easy to spot. This guy was different... complicated... man, I hate that I'm letting myself think about him again...
reservoirdog1 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 hmmm.. curious! makes me wonder... It's something I haven't repeated since then... I was lonely and in the middle of a dry spell. Both of which are bad reasons, and even worse when put together. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -- Billy Crystal
Author tkgirl Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 It's something I haven't repeated since then... I was lonely and in the middle of a dry spell. Both of which are bad reasons, and even worse when put together. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -- Billy Crystal so RD, you basically used someone to fill some kind of void, but never really had feelings for them? like that never happens! so the "chemistry" thing... did you just fake it then? I guess I still wonder if this guy ever had real feelings for me... because I really thought maybe he did, but I don't know... I just don't want make the same mistake again...
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