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5+ years and we split! How do I do NC when I'm her LANDLORD?!?!?!?!

Forget About Her

By Forget About Her
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Forget About Her Established Member

Forget About Her

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I'll give you the condensed version. We were together for a little over 5 years. About a year (give or take) into our relationship, things were going well and I cheated, several times with the same girl. She found out, and we split for about a month. Well, when she found out that I was still seeing the girl, she pursued me and won me back. We were together several years after that and things were great.

 

She's always kind of had an attitude about BS things, and get very easily stressed and frusturated. We got to the point where we would have sex once a month, we would never see each other (despite living like 5 minutes apart), and it just didn't seem like a real relationship. We talked, and she told me she never got over the fact that I cheated on her and she couldn't be with me anymore. Kind of sounds like a fishy BS excuse bringing something up from 4 years ago, but who knows? What do you think?

 

Here's the kicker, I'm her LANDLORD. I own two houses, and she lives in one of them. I basically charge her nothing for rent, for a very nice lakefront house. She got a roomate that pays normal $$$ for the space. Now, if something goes wrong at the house, I have to respond. When the monthly rent is due, I have to collect :(

 

I'm not vindictive so I would never kick her out or raise the rent, and I told both of them they are welcome to stay as long as they want despite the current situation. Any suggestions?

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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You dont state your feelings about her now...

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Forget About Her Established Member

Forget About Her

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You dont state your feelings about her now...

 

Hmm, well since you asked, I don't know how I feel. I know I'm filled with a lot of anger. I was very in love with her, and still am. I'm fine if I'm not talking to her, I wrote a song that I am recording tomorrow, and I felt a million times better after writing the song. I realized how under appreciated I was during our relationship, and realized that I really felt like she didn't deserve me almost the entire relationship. With that said, I still feel like I want to work things out with her if she can change. I know it's sounds totally moronic, because I'm always telling everyone else that people don't change, and don't stay/get back with someone assuming they will "change".

 

I don't know how I feel right now. I know we are both going to be at the same 4th of July party on Sunday, which ****ing blows.

 

BTW, if it makes a difference, I am 27, she is 24.

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

Posted
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Hmm, well since you asked, I don't know how I feel. I know I'm filled with a lot of anger. I was very in love with her, and still am. I'm fine if I'm not talking to her, I wrote a song that I am recording tomorrow, and I felt a million times better after writing the song. I realized how under appreciated I was during our relationship, and realized that I really felt like she didn't deserve me almost the entire relationship. With that said, I still feel like I want to work things out with her if she can change. I know it's sounds totally moronic, because I'm always telling everyone else that people don't change, and don't stay/get back with someone assuming they will "change".

 

I don't know how I feel right now. I know we are both going to be at the same 4th of July party on Sunday, which ****ing blows.

 

Sounds like you are somewhat confused but have a level head about you... Are you really asking here, however, what to do about her living for free?

 

BTW, if it makes a difference, I am 27, she is 24.

 

It only matters if you are over 65 and willing let us use your AARP discount...

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Forget About Her Established Member

Forget About Her

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Sounds like you are somewhat confused but have a level head about you... Are you really asking here, however, what to do about her living for free?

 

 

 

It only matters if you are over 65 and willing let us use your AARP discount...

 

Well, she's not living quite for free, but it's about 1/2 of what she should be paying. I have that house paid off though, so I'm not loosing money, I'm just not making as much as I could be (which I guess is sort of like loosing money), but I'm not even concerned in the least about the money. That is a complete non-issue in this situation.

 

I was having a wall fixed at the house today, and I didn't want to leave her there alone with the workers. I literally sat on the patio in 90 degree heat for about 4 hours while they worked, and she sat inside. I took a BIG step, and de-friended her on facebook, and deleted all of her pics on my page.

 

Like I said, I'm 100% fine when I'm not talking to her or having to see her. I'm not really looking forward to this party on Sunday, but it's my best friend's party, and I'm not going to be petty and tell him to tell her that she can't come. She actually asked me if I wanted her not to go, before I left the house today. I told her she is free to do what she wants.

 

My real concern is, what do I do when she texts me about why I de-friended her on facebook? Do I even respond?

Mimolicious Established Member

Mimolicious

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It's very bottomline. Do you care that *she* is the tenant or not?

 

It all depends on how you still feel about her. If you can stand seeing her to collect rent, fix a pipe, etc... and move on with your life, then where is the problem? If you can't, then maybe look for another tenant.

 

There is no cookie-cutter answer. It's all based on how you feel about your ex.

sean1970 Established Member

sean1970

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I'll just assume that proximity is not an issue (not same building, not in same general area).

 

It is clear that you are trying to portray the "Im doing fine" thing for her (and here too it would seem). In any case, the truth works in a reply right, "We are both moving on, this is just part of it."

 

I know you probably wrestle with this but I would give notice at some point soon (unless you had an agreement b4 to the contrary) that you are going to bump the rent to something closer to market value... Nothing like next payment, and maybe have a plan to step it up over time, but you need to treat her like anyone else now, right? Sucks to look at it this way but its a business deal now. If she cant see it that way, then she does not respect you or what you have.

 

In closing, unless these are your true blue buddies, I would skip the party. You said yourself it really only stings when you have to see her. Why do that..? There are a million things you can legitimately do that would pass for a reasonable out. I'm not into games but if it helps, it is likely she will wonder where you are and who you are with...

rager Member

rager

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How would you feel if she was with another guy at the party?

 

In answer to your original question about NC + Landlord, can you have an agent manage the property so they collect rent, orgnise repairs? This would allow you to go NC easily.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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How would you feel if she was with another guy at the party?

 

In answer to your original question about NC + Landlord, can you have an agent manage the property so they collect rent, orgnise repairs? This would allow you to go NC easily.

 

 

Agreed. Also, dont renew her lease

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