jazzarina Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Long story short, my boyfriend and I (both in our mid 20s) dated for a year and half. Due to financial reasons and because he couldn't find a job, he moved back home, in with his parents (to a different state, 8 hours away from me to the same city where I am also from). We were very serious at the time and he wanted to do long distance, and I of course agreed that we would be fine. About a month later (June 6) he broke up with me because he claims he needs to figure out his life and the distance is extremely hard. I could see it coming. He was barely talking to me on the phone and he just didn't seem into the relationship at all. He also said he didnt want to give up completely and wanted to see me when I came home. (I just finished grad school and moved back home for the summer until my internship in another state begins) So ultimately for the summer, we are in the same place. For some reason I agreed to meet him for dinner the other night and it was like I fell in love with him all over again. However, he said he still felt like being on a break is the best thing for us right now and still wants to keep in touch and maybe things will work out. Well, now all of a sudden he is having a change in heart. He says after thinking a lot the past few days, he realizes how much he's missed me and wants to get back together. He promises things will be better this time around and cannot picture himself with anyone else. 3 weeks ago I would have eaten that all up. However, the week after he broke up with me, I met someone. We get along great (he's in NC right now and Im in PA) so we're not together or anything, we've just been talking and I'm supposed to visit him next weekend. We have a lot in common and he seems genuinly interested in me. I don't know what to do because of course I still love my ex but I don't want things to end badly again with us, and then I feel stupid for giving him another chance. This new guy is great, but I have no idea how serious he is about me. This whole situation is driving me crazy Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Do you think second chances really can work out??
norajane Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 You're only home for the summer? Then no, this won't work out. Because you'll leave again in a couple of months and then what? Long distance relationship? There's no future here unless you're in the same city for good. And the part where he just now realized he missed you...what, was it out of sight, out of mind until then? Probably. Timing and location are important in making a relationship work, and both your timing and location are pointing toward a bad ending. Let it go now, and who knows? Maybe if you ever actually live in the same city for more than a couple of months you can give it another try with a better chance of it working out.
sean1970 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Two questions... Are you going to be LD with ex again at some point or are you back for good? Do you really (think about this...) do you really think your ex was being totally honest with you about his reasons for the breakup?
Author jazzarina Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I move back to NC at the end of August, so we would be back in a LDR. I 100% believe he was being honest with me about the reasons for the breakup....we ended up getting back together a couple days ago and he is very into the relationship now...says he wants to be with me for the rest of life and cannot even picture himself being with anyone else. Never will hurt me again, etc. I'm happy to be back together, but I feel that this time around I need to be extra cautious. And also the past couple days I find myself still thinking about the guy I met a few weeks ago (who I went out on a few dates with after my boyfriend broke up with me)
Jayerjay Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Your situation sounds similar to mine, except that I'm on the other end of it. I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago, eventually came to my senses and realized what she meant to me but by the time I came crawling back she had met someone new and didn't want to give me a second chance (at least not at this point). So, obviously my ex chose to pursue the new guy. The questions I would ask yourself/him is what he's going to do differently to make the relationship work this time around and what made it fail the first time. If he can give you sincere, honest answers and is ready to put the work in I would consider giving him a second chance. But be careful, it's very easy to fall into the same traps again if you're both not ready to change. So, that's my two cents. Good luck.
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