whatadeer26 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Ok, my ex told me she needed a break about 2 weeks ago, I was and still am heart broken. I think about her constantly and have tried No Contact, but I find myself looking at her Facebook picture and pictures of us. Here is my background. We never fought had a few petty arguement but thats it. 3 weeks ago her Dad left her Mom. He doesn't have another women, but he doesn't live home anymore and told his wife that. She has taken this extrememly hard and I tried to stay really supportive. So I noticed she wasn't reponding to my texts and being brief about 4 days before we broke up. I tried talking to her and saw that she would read my Blackberry messages (BBM). the day before we broke up I was over her house talking to her. I asked what was wrong told her I thought she was going to break up with me. I know she has been depressed and she has told me this a lot. So the day after we talked she got annoyed with something I wrote to her and told me she needed space and listed a few stupid things she didn't like about me. I was hurt a lot by this but decided to give her space. No Contact at all and that saturday she texted me asking "What are you just going to go MIA" I told her I was just giving her what she wanted and I didn't want a break. after going on and on she did a complete 180 and we talked all night by BBM, then we talked all the next day (Father's Day), she even called me for direction to a restaurant and we talk a little. This all came crashing down when she got home and her mother started bothering her about her dad. She said she can't deal with anyone anymore and it was like a switch turned off. The next day we talk a little but it was like pulling teeth. I stopped texting her again until I gave in this Sunday. I asked her if I could meet her to talk for 5 minutes she said she couldn't and what did I want to tlak about, I explained this break was killing me and I wanted a chance to end it. She said "listen I have a lot going on right now, I just need time to think" It was killing me so i decided to delete her on Facebook. That night she BBM'ed me asking why and I told her I couldn't take looking at her page it only hurt me. She went on and I was trying to tell her I miss her and want nothing more than to be with her. She finished talking to me by saying Goodbye as in never talk to me again. The next day I pocket dialed her and she texted me after saying she was at work, what's up? What should I do? Am I lost forever? I love her and want her soooooo badly? Any advice into this would help. Male or Female.
Calendula Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 My first advice is to stop with the texting. If you can't talk to her on the phone, or in person then you don't need to be texting her. In my experiences texting it a terrible medium in which to convey emotion and in which to communicate on truly important issues, especially when you are going through a rough patch with someone or ending a relationship. If you can at least talk to her, either on the phone or in person, than you get so much more quality communication - body language (in person), tone, phrasing, timing, etc - which gives you more to work with as far as understanding someone's true meaning goes. You can't hear stress, anxiety, or frustration if you only communicate by text message, and these tonal clues are essential for figuring out where you stand with someone. Also, explicitely tell her that you are not going to text with her if you decide to do it, so she isn't expecting you to. My second piece of advice is to continue to give her space, ESPECIALLY if you truly care for her and want her to come back to you. If she contacts you, keep it impersonal and focus on helping her deal with whatever issue she contacted you about. Don't lay your emotional desires upon her, your wanting her, your pain. From the bits you've posted, it sounds like her mother is already doing enough of that and your girl might be on emotional overload. The overload might be so extreme that she just can't deal with it and shuts down, especially about things coming from you because she can't block out her mom's drama. If you want to help her and keep her as part of your life, than focus on being supportive of her, get her to talk about what is going on with her family. If she says she wants space, give it to her, give her time to get her head straight. Be sure to tell her that is what you're doing, and your reason for not calling her. Tell her explicitely that you will wait for her to contact you, because you think it is important for her to have space to sort herself out. If she loves you, she will come back to you. In the mean time, focus your energy on yourself. Do all those things you always wanted to do but never did. Go meet new people. Spend time with your friends (and avoid discussing her). Enjoy your freedom and gain some new experiences. If you truly love her, you will be strong for her and do your best to give her what she thinks she needs (space and time, especially). Try and explain to her that you can't be 'just friends' (if indeed you can't) because you care about her so much, and that she needs to understand and respect this about your relationship and you in particular. She needs to figure out what she really wants from you and from a relationship in general, before you try to start over with her, and this isn't something she will be able to do with you in the picture. I hope this helps you some. Best of luck, and remember that time heals most hurts.
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