HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I was posting here last year and earlier this year, I was in bits over my partner leaving me after 18 years last July, the reason he gave me was neglect as I was so busy with work, we still loved each other, but he was no longer in love with me, I was still in love. We were incredibly close and loving for 18 years. I was extremely depressed for 6 months after he left, but I forced myself to go to work, see friends, do new things and meet new people, I would come home and cry, howl, punch the walls, you name it, felt like I was going crazy, I didn't know how to deal with the pain. I could not see a way through it at all, I was extremely scared and felt horribly alone, it felt like a nightmare. He was the love of my love and we were 100% ourselves with each other, so like minded. I thought I'd never meet anyone I clicked with so well or felt such a deep connection with. The turning point for me came 7 months after we split up, we'd been meeting up as friends, but I had to cut all ties, which I did for a few weeks, and it gave me the space I needed to let go of any hope of reconciliation, there was always some hope there as he had left me twice years ago and came back. A few weeks before I stopped contact with him I made a good friend online, who was in the same boat as me, we talked about our ex's and how we wanted them back, bit by bit though we became closer and didn't talk so much about our ex's, we had lots in common and found each other easy to talk to, we talked on the phone most nights or on skype, we live in different parts of Europe. Long story short we've met a couple of times for a few days and have fallen in love I have been scared to be vulnerable again, but so has he, but we both feel lucky to have met someone who we feel is special after losing who we thought were the loves of our lives. At times I have felt cynical about long term relationships after my ex left, but I think you can't really approach things like that or else you wouldn't even bother trying. I feel happy and lucky. To those of you who think you won't get through your heartbreak or meet someone special again, I am proof that you can. Obviously it's not the same as it was with my ex, but it's a whole new chapter. Hold onto the hope that things will get better, cos they will Hello to any old timers out there! McGrupp, Kickintheaz, Alive&Kicking, LisaUK, mickleb, nobmagnet, curiousnygirl etc....how are you all doing?
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 And I am friends with my ex, we meet most weekends, we're still close, despite him being with an ex friend of mine now, the one I dreaded him getting together with!
curiousnycgirl Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Hey there HOH - what a wonderful post to read! I am so very happy for you! Keep it up and keep telling us about it - please!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: (that's my 21 bunny salute to you!)
sultry33 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 HOH thank you so much for sharing, im really please its all worked out. My rs was only 4 yrs but I felt like my whole world had ended.. you give me hope and thank you x
USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Hey HOH! I'm glad to see you back, and I'm really happy to hear that things are getting better! And you're right, things DO get better...just need to have faith that time will heal your wounds and bring along something even better!
selena_cat Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 wow,very inspiring,thanks for sharing. i found a friend,(someone whose going thru the samething) to talk to but he's so hung up on his ex,wont go for anyone else because he doesnt want to hinder his chances of reconciliation with her,meanwhile she moved on. Lets not talk about meeting oline friends in Europe,he's the one im trying to get over. Great story to share
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Thank you honey How are you? And dare I ask what happened with your ex in the end? Hope you are ok... Hey there HOH - what a wonderful post to read! I am so very happy for you! Keep it up and keep telling us about it - please!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: (that's my 21 bunny salute to you!)
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Thank you! How are you doing? Hey HOH! I'm glad to see you back, and I'm really happy to hear that things are getting better! And you're right, things DO get better...just need to have faith that time will heal your wounds and bring along something even better!
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 You're welcome, hope my story helps you a little bit HOH thank you so much for sharing, im really please its all worked out. My rs was only 4 yrs but I felt like my whole world had ended.. you give me hope and thank you x
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Me and my new partner were both pretty hung up on our ex's but those feelings went bit by bit the closer we got, so I am lucky in that respect, it was all pretty unexpected, I didn't think I would meet someone new, especially someone special, it's still early days but no matter what happens it has helped me move on and has shown me I CAN have feelings for someone else. All the best hun wow,very inspiring,thanks for sharing. i found a friend,(someone whose going thru the samething) to talk to but he's so hung up on his ex,wont go for anyone else because he doesnt want to hinder his chances of reconciliation with her,meanwhile she moved on. Lets not talk about meeting oline friends in Europe,he's the one im trying to get over. Great story to share
sean1970 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Nice to read... While we eventually all 'make it', I was worried you would be in purgatory for more time with the way you were writing. Pssst... PM sedgwick...
McGrupp Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 OH! whats is up... i am glad to see you are happy again... howm i doing? well im alright. i moved, really busted my ass in my comedy writing and got a job in NYC writing for a website where they are going to put 5-10K behind my sketches. ill post a link soon (prolly in september we go viral) besides that, i went through a lot of ****. i shifted away from LS in about February and met someone online also. we really hit it off. then i met another girl at a bar and we hit it off, and i was dating both for awhile. they both had recently got out of long relationships (one is 26 and got out of a 10 yr!!) one weekend in april i had sex with both of them and another girl (not at once) and woke up up that monday still feeling severly unfufilled. i decided then thaT women wouldnt be my fulfillment or define me. i still think about my ex all the time, dreamt about her last night. realize now how everything went down, that i shouldnt have blamed myself so much, where so was a total bitch sometime and so on. dont think about her as much,. started remebering the horrible times, but still wonder how she is. 7 months+ NC btw, for those wondering. ive really had a lot of adventures since and otten some great perspective. still on my goal of trying to be somewhere amazing in 3-5 yrs, somewhere i wouldnt be with her. so...thats that. 10 months today since i got dumped. i try to avoid this place, not out of hate, but of moving backwards. i give a lot of advice to friends in need though in real life, and feel that my next love is around the corner. both women though are still in my life and are great and showed me a lot about myself. and i realized why i got hurt so bad, and that was a mix of my ex not respecting me and what we had, and also me not respecting myself. i value my freedom now, am not afraid to be alone. to the dumpees: take this time to learn about yourself, what you value, who you want to be and go follow your bliss.
USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Thank you! How are you doing? I'm doing alright. Started dating again, but I'm not quite in love yet...
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 How are you Sean??! I thought I would be in purgatory for a lot longer too, just helped meeting someone who was in the same boat, found each other at just the right time. Like I said though, early days for us, but no matter what happens it has shown me there IS life after my ex! We've helped each other move on and start making new lives for ourselves. I'm also glad me and my ex can still be friends, I think we always will be. I will PM sedgwick! Nice to read... While we eventually all 'make it', I was worried you would be in purgatory for more time with the way you were writing. Pssst... PM sedgwick...
McGrupp Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Y i think u should check out me and heaven's threads from early to late fall. especially me, man i was there.
McGrupp Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 im glad to see you heavenor hell, your one of my favs.
teanoranges Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 It is really nice to see people from a good while ago come back to update! especially Hoh. She's a great example of how NC is different for everyone! So glad to hear that you managed to pull through! I was wondering what happened to you recently too! So glad you showed up! I think deep down, we all know what we need to do to get through these situations.. and we can only give advice to ourselves because we only know ourselves... but sadly... we don't normally listen to ourselves. just mumbling, as usual..
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Hey, great to hear from you McGrupp! Wow! Great to hear about the comedy writing, how cool is that and don't forget to post the link to it as and when. I agree that no-one else can define us and they can't be our sole source of fulfilment, one thing I've never done in my life is make my partner the be all and end all in my life, although they are important to me and I have to admit I do feel happier when I'm in a loving relationship than when I'm single. I like being in an LDR though, although I miss him, it gives me the space to rebuild my life, I've learnt to rely on no-one but myself, I just need to be careful I don't become so independent that I push others away, to prove that I don't need anyone, that I am fine on my own. You sound a lot more positive! It's great to see... I cringe when I think about some of my early posts on here OH! whats is up... i am glad to see you are happy again... howm i doing? well im alright. i moved, really busted my ass in my comedy writing and got a job in NYC writing for a website where they are going to put 5-10K behind my sketches. ill post a link soon (prolly in september we go viral) besides that, i went through a lot of ****. i shifted away from LS in about February and met someone online also. we really hit it off. then i met another girl at a bar and we hit it off, and i was dating both for awhile. they both had recently got out of long relationships (one is 26 and got out of a 10 yr!!) one weekend in april i had sex with both of them and another girl (not at once) and woke up up that monday still feeling severly unfufilled. i decided then thaT women wouldnt be my fulfillment or define me. i still think about my ex all the time, dreamt about her last night. realize now how everything went down, that i shouldnt have blamed myself so much, where so was a total bitch sometime and so on. dont think about her as much,. started remebering the horrible times, but still wonder how she is. 7 months+ NC btw, for those wondering. ive really had a lot of adventures since and otten some great perspective. still on my goal of trying to be somewhere amazing in 3-5 yrs, somewhere i wouldnt be with her. so...thats that. 10 months today since i got dumped. i try to avoid this place, not out of hate, but of moving backwards. i give a lot of advice to friends in need though in real life, and feel that my next love is around the corner. both women though are still in my life and are great and showed me a lot about myself. and i realized why i got hurt so bad, and that was a mix of my ex not respecting me and what we had, and also me not respecting myself. i value my freedom now, am not afraid to be alone. to the dumpees: take this time to learn about yourself, what you value, who you want to be and go follow your bliss.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Hi hun, I was thinking about you yesterday after I'd been on here, how are you doing?? I don't regret the way I did things after we split up, I had to see if there was a chance for reconciliation or a way to be friends, I went NC at the right time for me You're right we all know what we need to get through these situations and we only give advice to ourselves because we know ourselves. And every situation and person is different. It is really nice to see people from a good while ago come back to update! especially Hoh. She's a great example of how NC is different for everyone! So glad to hear that you managed to pull through! I was wondering what happened to you recently too! So glad you showed up! I think deep down, we all know what we need to do to get through these situations.. and we can only give advice to ourselves because we only know ourselves... but sadly... we don't normally listen to ourselves. just mumbling, as usual..
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Likewise im glad to see you heavenor hell, your one of my favs.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Yep, he won't find any posts more self pitying, tragic, or depressing than ours will he :laugh: Y i think u should check out me and heaven's threads from early to late fall. especially me, man i was there.
GrayClouds Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Hello to any old timers out there! McGrupp, Kickintheaz, Alive&Kicking, LisaUK, mickleb, nobmagnet, curiousnygirl etc....how are you all doing? So what am I, chop liver???????? It good to hear you doing better! .
mickleb Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I wrote out a big reply earlier, then lost it. Good to see the return of HeavenOrHell and that it's looking like the former. So glad you've found yourself a jolly nice man. I remember how convinced you were that wasn't possible. (You deffo need to PM that sedgwick.. ) My break-up and the passing of little Penny has helped me to understand, finally, that I am a fully grown adult; capable of much more than I thought possible. Life goes on and these loud and sudden alarms are our wake-up calls to ourselves: What remains? What is useful? What needs to change? What do we need to cherish? Although I'm currently suffering from growing pains, I look forward to being taller. I'm enjoying the updates from the gang. (If you don't post that link, McG, I'll be cross again.) Thanks for posting, HOH. x
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 Argh!!! You won't believe me but when I put the list of names I was thinking of your name too, but don't ask me why I didn't actually add it, probably cos I'm a dunderhead who also had a banging headache when I wrote it But...your name was in my mind honest Hehe How are you???????????? So what am I, chop liver???????? It good to hear you doing better! .
wendigo Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 (edited) I'd like to say that this post gives me hope but it just reminds me of my ex telling me only a few weeks ago when he met up with an old friend of his (female, I've never met her. they've known each other for years) - how they both talked about how unhappy they were in their current relationships...... and how they (my ex and her) together had the same beliefs about relationships and how ours (me and her bf) were different.. maybe they'll end up together.... ah well.he doesn't love me so I guess it doesn't matter... but it still hurts a lot... so much so I feel so weakened by these threats... who he might end up with... it makes me want to call him... not to say I love him.. just to tell him to get f***** and go and **** her now I've left him! heh hem.... ....:'( ..... aarrghh! I love(d) him so much.... Edited July 3, 2010 by wendigo
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