SadandConfusedWA Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I have been e-mailing back and forth with some guys for weeks but when I met them in person, the spark just wasn't there. I am thinking that it's better to meet in person as soon as possible. Is it OK to suggest meeting up for coffee after 3-4 e-mails? Or will the men think that I am being too forward?
jamal Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I have been e-mailing back and forth with some guys for weeks but when I met them in person, the spark just wasn't there. I am thinking that it's better to meet in person as soon as possible. Is it OK to suggest meeting up for coffee after 3-4 e-mails? Or will the men think that I am being too forward? 3 emails should do it. I can not stand this email tag unless it is LD. If a girl is from my town I usually ask for her PN after about two emails. You wanna avoid running out of stories before the date.
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 3 to 4 emails for a phone number. 1 phone call for a date. Game over. If you spend more than a week cross-emailing, you'll lose all the air of intrigue within the interaction. Why should a person meet you if they already know everything about you BEFORE the first date? Personally, I never would have minded a woman being forward with me since for men, it's a guessing game as to when is TOO SOON. Ask in the first email and you come across as creepy and desperate. Ask TOO late and you come across as not really interested.
phineas Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 too many e-mails is bad. Just about anyone can seem amazing when they can sit down & take an hr to respond. So it makes sense you loose interest if their not as quick of wit as they appeared in e-mail. Just go for meeting in a public place for coffee or something. Do it while everyone is still young.
ecto-1 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 In the past, I used to caters to a woman's "whim" of "holding off on meeting" until they got to know you online. Not anymore, I got burned a few times....at first, we'd email back and forth a few times, then when the weekend would approach I would suggest meeting for a quick meet. And I get the "I'm not ready yet" and the lame line "A girl can never be too careful these days, tee hee!" And I say, "Sure they can be too careful!" lol I used to agree to it, wait a little longer and then after another week of emailing, I would ask them out again....again "not ready" then I would say, "Listen, are we going to meet or just be pen pals?" And she would get pissy with me, call me pushy and tell me to not contact her again. LOL (What a flake) That's just an example...but that's how it winds up.
ecto-1 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I have to ask though....there's this woman that I met online and we even talked on the phone quickly after chatting.....I talked bout meeting THIS weekend, but she said she had plans 4th of July weekend, but would probably be able to meet after that (following weekend) So during this time period we'd been corresponding back and forth....not sure how that could do any harm, esp. since we talked on the phone.
garry15 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Try to contact with each other through phone calls or sms etc
JohnnyDrama Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Within a few days, if you talk too much it can ruin any type of atmosphere you want to create on the first meeting especially if you have nothing to talk about.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Cool. I have suggested meeting up to 2 guys I have been e-mailing with for a week. One said yes and gave me his number and said that he is free on Wednesday evening after work - I am supposed to contact him over the phone to arrange the details. The other said yes and asked me what days I am available next week (but no phone number). I just responded so we will see how that pans out. The good news is that they didn't seem put off by my suggestion to meet at all. The third one is out of town for 2 weeks but we have vague plans to meet after he gets back. At this point I am open to meeting anyone who has a reasonable picture and comes across as intelligent and not creepy.
Crazy Magnet Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Within the week for sure. I asked my now BF to meet up the first time I emailed him and we met up a few days later. (We met on eH so had to do all those stupid questions first). The faster you meet up in real life the faster you see if there is any real connection.
phineas Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 In the past, I used to caters to a woman's "whim" of "holding off on meeting" until they got to know you online. Not anymore, I got burned a few times....at first, we'd email back and forth a few times, then when the weekend would approach I would suggest meeting for a quick meet. And I get the "I'm not ready yet" and the lame line "A girl can never be too careful these days, tee hee!" And I say, "Sure they can be too careful!" lol I used to agree to it, wait a little longer and then after another week of emailing, I would ask them out again....again "not ready" then I would say, "Listen, are we going to meet or just be pen pals?" And she would get pissy with me, call me pushy and tell me to not contact her again. LOL (What a flake) That's just an example...but that's how it winds up. what does she think? Your going to pull out a stun-gun in Starbucks & stuff her in your trunk? If I do online dateing I will not be waiting around for someone like that.
aerogurl87 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 It all depends on their relation to you geographically. If they're within reasonable driving distance you should try and meet up after 3-5 emails with at least one phone call prior to meeting. If it's long distance, then 3 months probably unless they're on the other side of the world which in that case 6 months to a year would be fine.
lovelydemon Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I find it very annoying when people just keep e-mailing for weeks. Like this one guy keeps writing to me every day, we talked about the jobs, plans for the summer and a bunch of other stuff. His e-mails are long and interesting to read and each one of them ends with "looking forward to your next e-mail" which leaves me with responsibility to write another lengthy letter. Soo annoying! It's not like he is the only person I have to respond to also! I think 3 e-mails is plenty to ask for a phone number and if the conversation goes well then a meeting shortly after, cause some guys turn e-mailing into texting or calling instead.
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I find it very annoying when people just keep e-mailing for weeks. Like this one guy keeps writing to me every day, we talked about the jobs, plans for the summer and a bunch of other stuff. His e-mails are long and interesting to read and each one of them ends with "looking forward to your next e-mail" which leaves me with responsibility to write another lengthy letter. Soo annoying! It's not like he is the only person I have to respond to also! I think 3 e-mails is plenty to ask for a phone number and if the conversation goes well then a meeting shortly after, cause some guys turn e-mailing into texting or calling instead. Some guys just keep you hanging as well. I know because I have done this before. It's not something that I am proud of, but if I meet a nice chick online then I am not going to give my number out to a ton of other chicks and have to deal with them calling me all of the time plus having to arrange all of these dates with different people. That's just me. I don't like dating a bunch of people at once. Just because he says he looks forward to hearing from you doesn't mean you have to respond. Just don't respond to him for a few days or so and see what happens. I know when this one girl did this to me, I gave her my number a few days later and she called me and things are going well so far. Oh, and you keep responding to his emails so he thinks it's okay to just keep emailing back.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I have been e-mailing back and forth with some guys for weeks but when I met them in person, the spark just wasn't there. I am thinking that it's better to meet in person as soon as possible. This is just a brain-dead and illogical idea on many levels, one of which is your safety. I mean, why in the world are you even contacting guys online if you have no interest in 'connecting' with something aside from their sex organs? If you're a vapid hottie whose physique tends to lure any guy of your choosing in any crowd, then by all means, go ahead and meet immediately and take your pick of whatever you find. If instead you want to side-step the usual awkwardness that keeps humans from meeting far more individuals, and mating more smoothly and confidently, for the long haul, then continue to interact online for at least the time it takes for each side to learn the movers and shakers within the lives of the others, so as to facilitate a smooth, comfortable and flowing conversation upon first real-life meeting. Lets face it, even if you're the hottest of the hot, you simply cannot realistically hope to be mated for life with one of your present top-3 physical attractions to the opposite sex. This assures that even you will have to make some concessions and incorporate at least a little bit of importance placed upon what you'll have when he's standing up, when you're out in public together, or when you're at home playing Scrabble on a rainy night.
PhillyDude Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I have been e-mailing back and forth with some guys for weeks but when I met them in person, the spark just wasn't there. I am thinking that it's better to meet in person as soon as possible. Is it OK to suggest meeting up for coffee after 3-4 e-mails? Or will the men think that I am being too forward? If it's a local person I will say about 3 to 5 days.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) Some people "use" the internet in my view. Compulsive dating is something I worry about in the dating pool advertising online. If I'm to believe that all women on dating sites are spending time with half the guys on the site within days of doing "emails" I find that so troubling. Each to their own sure, but I mean how is this behaviour healthy? Why not just go to a bar/speed dating or rely on being hooked up via friends or meeting people when out with friends. It is NOT online dating if you use it merely as a slack gateway to meeting 100 guys/girls a year. Online dating is really more for people who want real love (not to play the dating game and play it by ear) and don't mind waiting months to find it, and not being super important that it is local either. They want to share an emotional bond perhaps before they commute hours to spend a weekend with this person they found (that they would basically never met otherwise). They might be shy and hate the dating scene, and the bull****, and want to be in an "exclusive" scenario with mutual caring before they make the next step. Thats the true role I see online dating having. Pitty flakes and such troll it all the time, and its laughable how they are apparently all independant and amazing and love to travel and this and that? All of them are happy fun people and more than half apparently love to hang out with friends and do lots of things outdoors.... BUT funnily can't score a partner with all these traits and doing all these normal activities where you meet people? Where is the diversity, where is uniqueness?? Certainly lacking in some of these dating sites ========================== The question of safety came up here from someone and tbo is up to the person 100%. If you choose to be careless there is no sympathy for meeting up with what turns to be a creep, even if its not like "dangerous" but just a weirdo. If i was a bio female id be pretty suspect of anyone actually. Make sure there was at least 2 weeks of email, with real-time IM as well, then a quick webcam chat I would insist so I can tell who was on the site is REALLY who the pictures claimed - then I'd arrange a movie (mid afternoon) date at a mall w/cinema and suggest having food at the mall beforehand so you know its perfectly in public and some time to feel them out as a person. Making sure also that you arrive seperate and the meeting place is not near a particular entrance, but well inside so you can come from any entrance not directly near your car. Edited July 5, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 This is just a brain-dead and illogical idea on many levels, one of which is your safety. I mean, why in the world are you even contacting guys online if you have no interest in 'connecting' with something aside from their sex organs? If you're a vapid hottie whose physique tends to lure any guy of your choosing in any crowd, then by all means, go ahead and meet immediately and take your pick of whatever you find. If instead you want to side-step the usual awkwardness that keeps humans from meeting far more individuals, and mating more smoothly and confidently, for the long haul, then continue to interact online for at least the time it takes for each side to learn the movers and shakers within the lives of the others, so as to facilitate a smooth, comfortable and flowing conversation upon first real-life meeting. Lets face it, even if you're the hottest of the hot, you simply cannot realistically hope to be mated for life with one of your present top-3 physical attractions to the opposite sex. This assures that even you will have to make some concessions and incorporate at least a little bit of importance placed upon what you'll have when he's standing up, when you're out in public together, or when you're at home playing Scrabble on a rainy night. With all due respect, you don't know what you are talking about. I am by no means hottest of the hot or looking for sex (only). I briefly did online dating years ago. I corresponded with 2 local guys for about 2-3 months. We talked every single day and knew everything about each other before we met. However, when we finally met in person, there was no chemistry whatsoever. I don't mean just physical, but conversation was extremly awkward. I maybe went on 3-5 dates with each of them, and each date was worse than one before. So I basically lost 3 months out of my life on being delusional. I generally live "in my head" way too much as it is so I need to keep things real. From now on, I would rather connect and get to know guys more naturally - as you would with normal dating. I need to know that I can talk to them comfortably and that there is at least some physical attraction. You probably wouldn't approve but I went on a bit of overkill and am meeting 6 different guys this week. I booked them for lunch time (as I feel safer during day time), we are all meeting for coffee/lunch in a very public place, not far from where I work. Except on Thurdsay when I am meeting another guy right after work at 5:30pm for hot chocolate. I am not one for multi-dating though so if there is a connection with any of them, I will gladly not see the others. The problem is - I so rarely feel the connection with anyone - I figure I need to play the numbers game to beat the odds.
BubbleFreak Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 SadAndConfused, just do what works for you. I can totally see how seeing 6 different guys in a week could be beneficial in quickly weeding out who to not see again (and waste time on) and who you have chemistry with. Meeting people in person just seems more natural than typing on a computer and looking at possibly Photoshopped pictures of them. SincereOnlineGuy had a point though. Some people are shy or awkward at first meetings, and you might pass up a potentially wonderful guy simply because you haven't discovered his qualities yet, which might take more than one date or a few emails to be revealed. Though, ugh, too many emails can get frustrating. IM is better. Personally, I would IM for 2 weeks tops and then meet.
PhillyDude Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 SadAndConfused, just do what works for you. I can totally see how seeing 6 different guys in a week could be beneficial in quickly weeding out who to not see again (and waste time on) and who you have chemistry with. Meeting people in person just seems more natural than typing on a computer and looking at possibly Photoshopped pictures of them. SincereOnlineGuy had a point though. Some people are shy or awkward at first meetings, and you might pass up a potentially wonderful guy simply because you haven't discovered his qualities yet, which might take more than one date or a few emails to be revealed. Though, ugh, too many emails can get frustrating. IM is better. Personally, I would IM for 2 weeks tops and then meet. IM is worst in my opinion. Texting or emaii works better
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) IM is worse how??? Because you probably think "its so internet" or some silly "Im not a nerd" thing. Because, news for you, you are on a dating site community - on the internet. As said earlier, email is easy to be smooth and cool and write up well thought out stuff masking your level of wit and conversation skill. Do real-time messaging you find out wether people are as intelligent as they seem in email.. I briefly did online dating years ago. I corresponded with 2 local guys for about 2-3 months. We talked every single day and knew everything about each other before we met. However, when we finally met in person, there was no chemistry whatsoever. I don't mean just physical, but conversation was extremly awkward. I maybe went on 3-5 dates with each of them You probably wouldn't approve but I went on a bit of overkill and am meeting 6 different guys this week. I wasn't meaning you in my rant, BTW. Just in case you were offended at the post I made, after his! Anyone who is on this board is at least more internet friendly and not just abusing gateways and leading on guys or girls who are maybe in need of the internet dating avenue/safety more than they would to get connections happening. It's nice to see you tried the full internet method, I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out the way you'd hoped, S&A. It is a big chance in all internet starting relationships, that the chemistry IRL isn't there. Sad really. But same could be said for EVERY interaction ever. Two people saying 20 words in order to get a date going from an IRL meet, is nothing that special when you know there is hundreds of things to know about each other and conversations that could break down even the BEST chemistry off the bat. Edited July 5, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 With all due respect, you don't know what you are talking about. I am by no means hottest of the hot or looking for sex (only). Nobody said you were I briefly did online dating years ago. This is oxymoronic. I generally live "in my head" way too much as it is so I need to keep things real. Then you need first turn off the computer. From now on, I would rather connect and get to know guys more naturally - as you would with normal dating. I need to know that I can talk to them comfortably and that there is at least some physical attraction. Then turn off the computer. You probably wouldn't approve but I went on a bit of overkill and am meeting 6 different guys this week. I booked them for lunch time (as I feel safer during day time), we are all meeting for coffee/lunch in a very public place, not far from where I work. Except on Thurdsay when I am meeting another guy right after work at 5:30pm for hot chocolate. I am not one for multi-dating though so if there is a connection with any of them, I will gladly not see the others. The problem is - I so rarely feel the connection with anyone - I figure I need to play the numbers game to beat the odds. This isn't about merely "meeting people" (you could get a job at McDonald's and do that) The "connections" you will have this week, at lunch or hot chocolate, will be little different than the person working drive-through has with the customers there. You need to find a way to invest yourself in others and that will always be next to impossible when you seemingly don't care anything about them. IF you find yourself resistant to such things, the way to perhaps 'trick your resistance' is to interact with someone online, for some amount of time, and then you'll be somewhat 'invested IN them' at such point as when you might meet in real life for the first time. It sounds like you want online dating to be no more substantial than would be a website where you would log on and be presented with a list of named individuals all of whom are presently down at your nearest Starbucks. That won't do you any good! Half of going from "singlehood" to "coupledom" is overcoming our own resistance.
Reality Drip Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You know after a few emails if you would consider the person's company. If you've seen pictures, exchanged some emails, and you think they're worthwhile then set up a phone chat. That first phone convo will likely lead to setting the date. Online dating makes it easier to quickly and inexpensively screen your dates. Exploit it for its many advantages and get to that first date (after some vetting) already. -Max Realitydrip.com
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