Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Generally, I am not really overly impressed by my bf’s interest in other women. When we are out he checks out other girls – he is discreet, but still… He looks at porn and acts all excited when his mates show him pics of some random naked women. Today I stumbled upon my dad’s collection. Dozens and dozens of pictures of naked or semi-naked young girls (not paedophile young, but girls my age or younger). Those girls look nothing like my mom. I can’t seem to get over it – if those girls are what he finds attractive, what is he doing with my mom? Will the same thing happen to me? Will a guy just ‘settle’ for me just because he can’t get girls like that? And what when I get older? Are all men like this?
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Can I chuckle at this thread? Because, come ON, women do the SAME thing whenever they gawk over whoever that glittery douche is in Twilight or George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Just because they attract men physically, it doesn't mean we'd want to marry them. Your dad married your mom for more reasons than just physical reasons, which is the same reason your boyfriend is with you. You mean to tell me there isn't a single male actor or model that you've thought was physically attractive. You've never checked out another guy at the mall and thought he was cute? If you say NO, then you are only doing a disservice to yourself and lying overall.
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 You mean to tell me there isn't a single male actor or model that you've thought was physically attractive. You've never checked out another guy at the mall and thought he was cute? If you say NO, then you are only doing a disservice to yourself and lying overall. It’s one thing thinking someone is attractive and another keeping a collection of naked girls your daughter's age. And I don't check out guys at the mall. Sorry! Just not my thing I understand my dad is with my mom for other reasons – but sexually, this basically means he desires girls my age?
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 It’s one thing thinking someone is attractive and another keeping a collection of naked girls your daughter's age. And I don't check out guys at the mall. Sorry! Just not my thing I understand my dad is with my mom for other reasons – but sexually, this basically means he desires girls my age? #1 - I guess you're asexual if you never check out ANY guys. Cut the crap. #2 - It just means you're dad has a PULSE and a PENIS and that his blood is pumping just FINE. Get over it.
Morals Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 First off, men never get rid of their porn collection, unless their SO forces them to. Otherwise we keep it stashed somewhere out of sight and add to it depending on our tastes as we go through life. Diezel is right, your just denying it. Doesn't matter if it's the "mall" or a grocery store or wherever. If you have NEVER checked out another guy ever then you are just lying to us and insulting our intelligence.
tincanman99 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Realize that all men like to look. The smart ones just dont get caught doing it and are discreet so as not to upset their partner. As to why they look - because we can! Why do men like to look at Porsches and Ferraris? Same reason - because we can. Dont over analyze it. Look at it this way, be glad he looks, because if he didnt he would be dead.
sultry33 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 It’s one thing thinking someone is attractive and another keeping a collection of naked girls your daughter's age. And I don't check out guys at the mall. Sorry! Just not my thing I understand my dad is with my mom for other reasons – but sexually, this basically means he desires girls my age? How did you find your dads porn? weird:eek: My son friends are 21 some are fit:laugh: yea he gets mad but its life. Porn is fantasy thats all, I like watching group porn, but dont mean im up for it in reality...
Serenitynow Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Its normal behavior for men and women. The only thing with women is most of them are too terrified to keep any kind of collection and chance having it found. Most women just " PRETEND " not to like it, that is until you know them long enough and they decide to confide in you, whether she's your gf, wife, or good friend. Ive had plenty of gf's that have admitted it after awhile. This falls under the same load of total BS when most women pretend like they dont masturbate either. So I guess it must be all the guys buying the millions and millions of dildos, vibrators, and other female sex toys that are sold world wide on a yearly basis. In a nut shell , Women simply hide the fact that they do the same things that guys do. .
Jersey Shortie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I wish I could answer your questions Shucksaw. But I myself do not know why men pretend they care about real women in their lives when they give the big message daily that what they care about is oggling other women and even oggling and getting off to women as old or younger, then their own daughters. Oh but that's right ladies! Don't be concerned! Just shut your mouth and your little female brain and remember that men like young women! Who cares that you had his kids and stood by his bedside when he had to have surgery! YOU do not hold one candle to the 18 year olds he really thinks he deserves because he is such a big strapping man and you as a woman, just decline in value even to the man that proclaimed to love you the most. Or even your father wishes he could bang 18 year olds! Because hey, mom got OLD. Stupid woman! Why would we expect him to have to deal with that ****? Worthless old hag! The message is that women are just completely nothing. We are worthless. Mother, daughter, girlfriend or wife. Expect to be traded up for "visually" because that's what *men* like. Men don't like real women. They like fake fantasy images of what they think the ydeserve through fantasy. Give me a man that rather live in reality, that's pricesless. Too many men today kill their own masculinity by excaping to fantasy lala land. Will the same thing happen to me? Will a guy just ‘settle’ for me just because he can’t get girls like that? And what when I get older? Are all men like this? Sadly, yes. I think this is what happens. Notice how no one really answered your questions. Just danced around them with bs resposnes because none of them wanted to directly addtress the reality that for today's man, pictures and video imagery are more important then the real woman in their lives. And they will deny the truth of that statement but look how quickly they go back to not defending the real woman in their lives but how they use their focus and engery to defend pornography and oggling random women on the street that shouldn't mean anything to do them. But clearly do! Because that is what men choose to defend. I don't even know why men pretend they care. They don't. They care about getting off to a visual libriary more then they care about how the real women in their lives. That's the sad reality of today. In today's world, women are nothing but visual commodities to be used and tossed aside at whim. I think if men had a choice, they would take all the woman over 30 out back and probably shoot them. At least it would solve their problems and women wouldn't have to spend the rest of their lives being reminded how worthlesse even their own boyfriends, husbands or fathers find them.
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Thanks for your replies! #1 - I guess you're asexual if you never check out ANY guys. Cut the crap. Diezel is right, your just denying it. Doesn't matter if it's the "mall" or a grocery store or wherever. If you have NEVER checked out another guy ever then you are just lying to us and insulting our intelligence. I am far from asexual. I love sex . Sex ^is not equal^ checking out other people. I look at guys when I actively look and try to find someone. When I am in love, I don’t. Simple as that. Not looking at or desiring men other than your SO doesn’t make you asexual OR a liar. Why is that so hard to understand and believe? Look at it this way, be glad he looks, because if he didnt he would be dead. Dead?? How does that work? I don’t look and I am still breathing. How did you find your dads porn? weird:eek: I was fixing his computer. My son friends are 21 some are fit:laugh: yea he gets mad but its life. You check out your son’s friends? In a sexual way? And your son gets mad? Didn’t realise women do that too. In that case, instead of judging you, I would like to remove gender references from my question. Let me rephrase: I can’t seem to get over it – if those girls/boys are what he/she finds attractive, what is he/she doing with their aging SO? Will the same thing happen to me? Will a guy just ‘settle’ for me just because he can’t get girls like that? And what when I get older? [I haven’t changed this b/c it’s personal] Are all people like this? Do people physically and sexually always prefer someone else and are with their SOs for other reasons? Most women just " PRETEND " not to like it, … This falls under the same load of total BS when most women pretend like they dont masturbate either. Women simply hide the fact that they do the same things that guys do. I don’t pretend. I do not look. I do masturbate (FYI only, I fail to understand how this is relevant) and I get off on my bf. On our videos and even on just thinking about him. Honestly! But find him gorgeous! He is so hot! Given the circumstances, not sure that he feels same about me. Or my dad about my mom. People get off to what they find attractive, right? Not a rocket science. YOU do not hold one candle to the 18 year olds he really thinks he deserves because he is such a big strapping man and you as a woman, just decline in value even to the man that proclaimed to love you the most. Or even your father wishes he could bang 18 year olds! Because hey, mom got OLD. Stupid woman! Why would we expect him to have to deal with that ****? … Sadly, yes. I think this is what happens. Thanks for understanding. And thanks for not attacking me and accusing me of lying. … it would solve their problems and women wouldn't have to spend the rest of their lives being reminded how worthlesse even their own boyfriends, husbands or fathers find them. I don’t think my dad thinks my mom is ‘worthless’. But I’m starting to believe he would prefer someone half her (and his) age in bed. And I find that humiliating. ~~~ Having said all this, I have to admit, I feel a bit… attacked. Why is everyone assuming I am lying? Why would I lie on an anonymous internet forum? Doesn’t make sense to me.
MrNate Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Why is this such a problem? You already have a boyfriend and seem to get along great with him. Why the worry about what other men do?
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Why is this such a problem? You already have a boyfriend and seem to get along great with him. Why the worry about what other men do? My boyfriend does it too and I feel… embarrassed and humiliated… as a second choice... I also worry about the future ... when I get old(er)
MrNate Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 My boyfriend does it too and I feel… embarrassed and humiliated… as a second choice... I also worry about the future ... when I get old(er) If it bothers you that much, then I think at some point you need to address your concerns, because I doubt they'd just disappear. As far as the future goes, we all worry about the future, just for different reasons. If it helps, one of my biggest concerns is will my strong ambition for wealth shadow my desire to also pursue romance, and is a balance even possible? I don't quite know the answer to that, but I definitely don't let it stop me. Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind, you'll be glad you got it off your chest.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) ...Are all men like this? Answer: most one's with a pulse. Don't try to aply all this logic to it. It's nature built in by millions of years of evolution. You seem to be looking through a lense of modern repression but it's a good thing for men to want to see gorgeous girls. If they don't, they are either gay, repressed by artificial religious mores or are impotent. If a woman wants a man with bubbly desire, she should see interest in viewing women as a sign of his normality. It's just inconsiderate and in bad taste to do it in front of you with some other guys. It's un-gentlemanly if he's serioous about you and your feelings. I can be in a room full of men and see and feel nothing. But if a hot looking babe enters the room, every effen thing changes. And we like it. Edited July 2, 2010 by Feelin Frisky
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 If it bothers you that much, then I think at some point you need to address your concerns, because I doubt they'd just disappear. As far as the future goes, we all worry about the future, just for different reasons. If it helps, one of my biggest concerns is will my strong ambition for wealth shadow my desire to also pursue romance, and is a balance even possible? I don't quite know the answer to that, but I definitely don't let it stop me. Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind, you'll be glad you got it off your chest. But how do you address things like this? Honey, can you please stop being attracted to all those women? The difference is: Your wealth-romance dilemma is completely under your control - your decision My problem is not
MrNate Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 But how do you address things like this? Honey, can you please stop being attracted to all those women? The difference is: Your wealth-romance dilemma is completely under your control - your decision My problem is not Just sit down with him and try to present your concerns in as courteous of a way as possible. What will you gain by harboring all this discontent inside of you? It's only going to grow, until it releases itself through your flight-or-fight response. It sounds like it's really getting you down, don't be afraid to use courage to improve your situation.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I don’t think my dad thinks my mom is ‘worthless’. But I’m starting to believe he would prefer someone half her (and his) age in bed. And I find that humiliating. Well, no your dad doesn't think your mom is worthless but yes, it's like he is saying he believes he deserves *more* then what she is and what even he is. This is an underlying problem with society today and porngraphy. Fantasy is healthy. But not to tne extent current culture as prescibed is good. It seems like guys today rather live in fantasy world then reality. And the underlining message is, is that women are worthless. You can give a man a good life, treat him great, have his kids and the message most of the guys give is that doesn't matter because men are *always* going to look. And they will justify it under cheeky cheap emotional fancies like "evolution". Not one of these men even acknowledged that they could understand why it's hurtful. They all basically said in their own words "deal with it because what men want and need is more important". they talked around anything that pertains to a woman's needs and focused on what they care about, themselves. So when they hit 50, and still jerk off to porn of 18 year olds, they can also make their partner feel like crap because she doesn't matter. She is a non person. Him and his sexual fantasies are what is important. this is what has become important to men. And it's sad. And it is humilating to the woman in the situation because it's clear what men really want is nothing what real women are. So when men turn to porn, it sends a clear message that women are infact worthless and nothing what he really wants. who wants the mother of their children when they can have fake lesbian playmates? That's what men care about. Not wives, not mothers, not daughters. Having said all this, I have to admit, I feel a bit… attacked. Why is everyone assuming I am lying? Why would I lie on an anonymous internet forum? Doesn’t make sense to me. They know you aren't lying. They jsut don't care because nothing matters to men expect the ability to keep using women visually for gratfication. And if a woman feels replaced? Who cares. What matters is that he can sit infront of his computer and dream that 18 year olds girls want him. And his wife or gf should be happy with the scraps he throws her way. This is how men think today. They don't care about women, at least not really. They care about fantasy. Look at how many men leep to the defense of it.
Serenitynow Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 This is how men think today LOL its been going on a lot longer than just today. Men will ALWAYS lust after the female body. Not saying its right to have a hidden collection of porn when you are married, but its just part of being human, living in this sex fueled society. Women are portrayed as sex objects by all forms of media, its not going to stop anytime soon. I'm single, no kids, live by myself, and I have no porn collection. So I do think its kinda weird for a married guy to have a stash. Its obviously a way to get gratification that he isnt finding with his wife. .
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Just sit down with him and try to present your concerns in as courteous of a way as possible. What will you gain by harboring all this discontent inside of you? It's only going to grow, until it releases itself through your flight-or-fight response. It sounds like it's really getting you down, don't be afraid to use courage to improve your situation. I understand what you’re saying and I agree. But when you think about it, what I would consider a resolution would be for him to stop being attracted to other women. How would that work? Is there something that I can’t see or have a distorted view of? Is there something that he can’t see or have a distorted view of? The reason I’m here is to basically air my concerns and get as many opinions as possible. A bit of brainstorming before I address the situation. And yes, it’s really getting me down. To the point that I can’t understand how it doesn’t bother some women.
Author Shucksaw Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 And it is humilating to the woman in the situation because it's clear what men really want is nothing what real women are It certainly looks like it They know you aren't lying. They jsut don't care because nothing matters to men expect the ability to keep using women visually for gratfication. And if a woman feels replaced? Who cares. You think? Could it be that they just don’t understand me in the same way I don’t understand them? (when you take rudeness and arrogance out of it, of course) So I do think its kinda weird for a married guy to have a stash. Its obviously a way to get gratification that he isnt finding with his wife. My point exactly.
bac Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Generally, I am not really overly impressed by my bf’s interest in other women. When we are out he checks out other girls – he is discreet, but still… He looks at porn and acts all excited when his mates show him pics of some random naked women. Today I stumbled upon my dad’s collection. Dozens and dozens of pictures of naked or semi-naked young girls (not paedophile young, but girls my age or younger). Those girls look nothing like my mom. I can’t seem to get over it – if those girls are what he finds attractive, what is he doing with my mom? Will the same thing happen to me? Will a guy just ‘settle’ for me just because he can’t get girls like that? And what when I get older? Are all men like this? I have read some males answers to your thread and, unfortunately, most males think that females are the same as males about their sexuality and emotions. Nothing can be done about that, and it is impossible to explain them that most of women are very different from males. Men still would believe that women have porno collections of teens and secretly masterbate daily enjoying their porno collections. As for your dad, IMO it is not fun to be a wife of an older man because many men do the same things as your dad and, most importantly, they do not have real sex with their wives. All that an older woman can do about that is either not to care for sex at all, or find an younger guy for sex. IMO there are men who are different than an average male because people are different.
bac Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Parents don't have sex, don't know what you're talking about, fingers in my ears, la la la la la la.... I would agree with that statement. IMO Parents do look like having sex while we are their children. Just do not open the door of their bedroom. But, unfortunatelly, the problem is that when we get married ourselves or our peers, it turns out that there is very little sex in marriage.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Will the same thing happen to me? Will a guy just ‘settle’ for me just because he can’t get girls like that? And what when I get older? Are all men like this? Pretty much. Sucks, doesn't it? But that's life. Some things about life just plain suck, and there's no way around it. My ex and I had a fabulous, active, and exploratory sex life, and I was pretty much always up for it, but he still wanted to indulge in porn from time to time. Once he learned that it made me sad, he offered to give it up, but I didn't want to pressure him to do anything he didn't want to do. The best I could come up with was to tell him to keep it out of sight, out of (my) mind. I didn't want him to lie or pretend, but it broke my heart to know about it.
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I look at guys when I actively look and try to find someone. When I am in love, I don’t. Simple as that. I think I just threw up in my mouth. So what... you close your eyes entirely to the world? You don't find ANY actor attractive? You don't find ANY musician attractive? So once you become exclusive, a guy you thought was hot a year ago, ceases to be so??? Come on, not even WOMEN will fall in line with that train of thought. You know what, this might actually be the problem here. You are SO focused on him, that you tune out the entire world. And since he won't do the same, you feel slighted. I'm sorry, but anyone who says that just because they are in a long-term relationship it means that they HAVE TO STOP LOOKING and CAN'T FIND ANYONE ELSE ATTRACTIVE... really needs to get over themselves. You are NOT the center of the universe. Again, if your dad is with your mom, it's because she has PERSONALITY TRAITS that are compatible to him. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love her. Ask your mom if she finds any guys OTHER than your father HOT, you just might be surprised.
Author Shucksaw Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 I have read some males answers to your thread and, unfortunately, most males think that females are the same as males about their sexuality and emotions. Nothing can be done about that, and it is impossible to explain them that most of women are very different from males. Men still would believe that women have porno collections of teens and secretly masterbate daily enjoying their porno collections. True I guess that’s just because we expect other people to behave and feel the same as we do. Which is probably the very reason for this thread. As for your dad, IMO it is not fun to be a wife of an older man because many men do the same things as your dad and, most importantly, they do not have real sex with their wives. All that an older woman can do about that is either not to care for sex at all, or find an younger guy for sex. Sad… just sad… :( IMO there are men who are different than an average male because people are different. I certainly hope so Pretty much. Sucks, doesn't it? But that's life. Some things about life just plain suck, and there's no way around it. My ex and I had a fabulous, active, and exploratory sex life, and I was pretty much always up for it, but he still wanted to indulge in porn from time to time. Once he learned that it made me sad, he offered to give it up, but I didn't want to pressure him to do anything he didn't want to do. The best I could come up with was to tell him to keep it out of sight, out of (my) mind. I didn't want him to lie or pretend, but it broke my heart to know about it. I am so glad there are people who understand what I am talking about! And yes, it sucks…but how do you get over it? Electra Complex. Big time. That is not helpful, but not only that, this is completely incorrect and insulting on top of it. . I think I just threw up in my mouth. So what... you close your eyes entirely to the world? You don't find ANY actor attractive? You don't find ANY musician attractive? So once you become exclusive, a guy you thought was hot a year ago, ceases to be so??? Come on, not even WOMEN will fall in line with that train of thought. I have already answered this. Some people are good looking some are not. Thinking that someone is good looking doesn’t equate sexual desire. I do think some people are good looking. I am not attracted to either of them, I don’t masturbate while looking at their pictures, I don’t keep collection of naked men, I don’t check them out… When I am in love I don’t get attracted to other people. You don’t have to believe it, but that doesn’t change the fact. I honestly don’t see any point in you repeatedly telling me that I am lying. I'm sorry, but anyone who says that just because they are in a long-term relationship it means that they HAVE TO STOP LOOKING and CAN'T FIND ANYONE ELSE ATTRACTIVE... really needs to get over themselves. Yes, you said Ask your mom if she finds any guys OTHER than your father HOT, you just might be surprised. My mom is not attracted to other men, let alone those half her age. But I guess you won’t believe it either and will accuse her of lying or me of misinterpreting.
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