Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 One thing to remember is that dating is like a market in a sense that no matter what your intrinsic self worth/confidence are, you are as "worthy"/attractive as the women you attract are. My point being that the type of woman attracted to a guy is generally a valid, though of course not 100% reliable, indicator of this guy's "worth" on the dating market. Trying to work on the margins - e.g. to "pursue" women that are on the fence about you, or don't quite make sense in a relationship scenario with you, is much like trying to beat the stock market - every once in a while some do it, but the aggregate and in the long term it is impossible. I think you're right. There is nothing more annoying, and sort of rude, than a guy who persistently tries to date you when you're really not interested. You're not ENTITLED to date a certain person. It's about a huge variety of factors, and looks are just a variable.
Mr White Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 In other words, confidence is great, but unless you have amazingly hot european princesses banging at your door, don't let it go to your head that you're too cool for school
Author USMCHokie Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 In other words, confidence is great, but unless you have amazingly hot european princesses banging at your door, don't let it go to your head that you're too cool for school I absolutely agree, and I hope that everyone doesn't read this thread and think that I feel that I'm entitled to only the most beautiful women on the planet...that is probably as far from the truth as you could possibly get...hell, in my time on LS, you'd probably know that this is my face practically all the time: ---->
Author USMCHokie Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 IMO, confidence should make you 'deep' rather than shallow. Reflective, compassionate, generous, loving. Positives. Absolutely...and I want all of those things to be the result of being more confident...but at the moment, I feel like I'm going in the wrong direction...
AD1980 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Id love to get to that point where i maybe over confident from too many offers it beats having no options and thinking women arent into you Right now im like you were where if any women im mildy attracted to would ever show interest in me id have to jump on it beasue i have no options and zero confidence/sucess
Woggle Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 It seems that your newfound confidence after being a nice guy for so long has opened up some doors and you are enjoying it. Live it up.
Author USMCHokie Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 It seems that your newfound confidence after being a nice guy for so long has opened up some doors and you are enjoying it. Live it up. Yea, but I'd rather not become one of those guys who goes from zero to the douche that messes with women just to get back at them for his earlier years...
Woggle Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Yea, but I'd rather not become one of those guys who goes from zero to the douche that messes with women just to get back at them for his earlier years... Why not? It sounds like a good plan to me. Mess around until you find a woman worth more than that.
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Why not? It sounds like a good plan to me. Mess around until you find a woman worth more than that. Are you serious? Gross.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Are you serious? Gross. Yes I am serious. Why should he not enjoy this newfound attractiveness?
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Yes I am serious. Why should he not enjoy this newfound attractiveness? By using 'em and losing 'em? Enjoying something at someone else's expense isn't cute, fun or endearing.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 One thing to remember is that dating is like a market in a sense that no matter what your intrinsic self worth/confidence are, you are as "worthy"/attractive as the women you attract are. My point being that the type of woman attracted to a guy is generally a valid, though of course not 100% reliable, indicator of this guy's "worth" on the dating market. Trying to work on the margins - e.g. to "pursue" women that are on the fence about you, or don't quite make sense in a relationship scenario with you, is much like trying to beat the stock market - every once in a while some do it, but the aggregate and in the long term it is impossible. In that sense, dating exclusively the girls that show interest in you is a pretty rational choice - not settling. Men never have the active part in a relationship - they display, and women "chose". To me that is the exact definition of settling. I have observed my brother do exactly that. He formed a LTR with pretty much any girl that showed interest in him. I, on the other hand was at the other extreme, always chasing the "dream". I can tell you that my brother has had a lot happier life than I did. I have never seen him suffer much emotional turmoil, he never had unrequited love scenarios, would only start emotionally investing after about 6 months of dating and would get over each R after about 2 months after break up. I don't think he is really capable of loving deeply, but that is a small price to pay. I have also observed other people and most go into LTRs without that out of this world "zing". That's just reality. Incredible zing does happen and can turn into a LTR, but your chances are about the same as winning the lottery. Also, passion that strong can be extremly volatile and can lead to unhelathy co-dependencies.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 By using 'em and losing 'em? Enjoying something at someone else's expense isn't cute, fun or endearing. If he were a woman most of the responses would be in full support of this approach so why should he not do the same?
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 If he were a woman most of the responses would be in full support of this approach so why should he not do the same? Um...if that's the case, that's also really silly. Having fun at the expense of people's feelings is NOT okay. It shouldn't be condoned or supported because you have been hurt by someone in the past. You shouldn't punish people who had nothing to do with it. Geez, get a grip.
Woggle Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Um...if that's the case, that's also really silly. Having fun at the expense of people's feelings is NOT okay. It shouldn't be condoned or supported because you have been hurt by someone in the past. You shouldn't punish people who had nothing to do with it. Geez, get a grip. I hope you would feel the same if he were a woman.
Ariadne Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 to "pursue" women that are on the fence about you, or don't quite make sense in a relationship scenario with you, is much like trying to beat the stock market...Men never have the active part in a relationship - they display, and women "chose". I've never met a man that thinks this way though. They always want to pursue what they think is the best choice for them.
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I hope you would feel the same if he were a woman. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about women. I definitely would...using people is terrible, no matter your sex. And Ariadne, you're so right. Men seem to like to pursue and some are very persistent.
Ariadne Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I have observed my brother do exactly that. He formed a LTR with pretty much any girl that showed interest in him. (Except for SaC's brother that is like that.. my brother had a list of requirements that he used to tell my mom to wake him up only in case of fire and if Claudia Schiffer called him)
carhill Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I hope you would feel the same if he were a woman. It would be exceedingly rare, but appreciated...
Thermometer Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 It would be exceedingly rare, but appreciated... Rare? Really?
carhill Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Based on the amount of women who have shared with myself personally their 'crazy' periods of using men , and the women who've treated me in such a manner, I gain my perspective. So far, I have yet to sense any regret, compassion, or sense of responsibility. YMMV, of course. I am hopeful.
SadandConfusedWA Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 (Except for SaC's brother that is like that.. my brother had a list of requirements that he used to tell my mom to wake him up only in case of fire and if Claudia Schiffer called him) Most men do not think like that. It's more common for women to settle because they want the stability of a LTR, marriage and eventually family. I wish I could somehow change my thinking and adopt that mindset. But the thought of getting into a relationship without that "zing" makes me incredibly depressed. The thought of ending up alone makes me equally depressed. What to do?
Gero Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Most men do not think like that. It's more common for women to settle because they want the stability of a LTR, marriage and eventually family. I wish I could somehow change my thinking and adopt that mindset. But the thought of getting into a relationship without that "zing" makes me incredibly depressed. The thought of ending up alone makes me equally depressed. What to do? I'm the same way.
Ariadne Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Most men do not think like that. It's more common for women to settle because they want the stability of a LTR, marriage and eventually family. I wish I could somehow change my thinking and adopt that mindset. But the thought of getting into a relationship without that "zing" makes me incredibly depressed. The thought of ending up alone makes me equally depressed. What to do? Well, at least you are working on it with the online dating and writing. (And there should be more men like your brother not chasing girls that don't like them).
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