Ashes_risen Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I've been separated from my wife for a month. Been trying to work things out after a bitter breakup. No cheating or abuse from my end. I just worked nights/took care of the kids during the day, she worked days. We didn't get to see each other much and after 7 years she decides to call it quits. I try to keep contact limited but can't help myself sometimes to answer the phone when she calls. We we're doing ok and she even told me that she still loved me. But also still mentioned the divorce. She's been having conflicting emotions. She's talked nice to me and misses me, but whenever I bring up anything about us she sternly says that we are done. I got wrecked pretty bad over all this. I miss my kids a lot but I'm still struggling to get over her and move on. I'm a good guy and deserves to be happy, and so does she. I know there's gotta be someone out there that needs a good man in their life, but of course that's when I'm ready. Right now I need to get on my feet again, and repair my broken heart.
marsbars Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I am in the same boat as you as far as being newly separated. And I will say the first month is very very hard. I am a couple of months out and a couple of months from D-Day. All that I can say is that life will go on no matter how much you think that it won't. End the contact with the STBX, cause all it will do is cause more heartache and misery. The only contact that needs to be there is when the children are involved. Get on with you life, and be sure to include your kids as much as you can. She has said that it is over, so accept it and get to living again. If she is just blowing smoke then let the fire burn out and see where you stand. But endlessly pining over someone who isn't interested will only hurt you. This is the second time that I have been through this with the STBX, and I know what it is like to be beaten down and hurt. And I had to go through it 2 times. But this time is different. I am not pining over her, and I don't talk to her at all. And I don't really care anymore. Yes I miss her, and still love her as much as I did 15 years ago. But I am done with the crazy yes,no crap she does. And starting over is hard, damn hard but it can be done. But it will be much harder if you soak in your misery. Get up, get out and start living. It gets easier everyday. Yes it goes up and down but the ups get higher and the down start to not be there.
whatadeer26 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Stay strong Buddy. The Grass is always greener. Get up and out of your house. Go to the gym, remove anything that triggers a memory or reminds you of her. We are all here for each other. Write your feelings down in a journal and write on here. That helped me a lot.
habs53 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Me to same thing. Start seeing other people. You are in the drivers seat not her. Go buy some new clothes. Have some fun. Odds are way more in your favor to move on and be happy. Not her.
Author Ashes_risen Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 When your soon to be ex calls and text wtf does that mean other than she may be missing you? Could she be having second thoughts maybe? Do people that get a divorce even after a divorce is final get back together and re-marry?
hurt and devastated Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 The facilitator of the support group I started going to told me that anything is possible. At any point in a separation or divorce, even after the divorce, people have either reconciled or remarried. However, he also stressed not to carry any real hope of it happening. Your main focus right now should be on yourself and your kids. I'm in the second week of my separation, and have kids as well, and I miss them like crazy too. Check around for any kind of divorce/separation support groups in your area. I've only gone twice so far but it's already made a difference.
Author Ashes_risen Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 The facilitator of the support group I started going to told me that anything is possible. At any point in a separation or divorce, even after the divorce, people have either reconciled or remarried. However, he also stressed not to carry any real hope of it happening. Your main focus right now should be on yourself and your kids. I'm in the second week of my separation, and have kids as well, and I miss them like crazy too. Check around for any kind of divorce/separation support groups in your area. I've only gone twice so far but it's already made a difference. I bet it has. I've also have had some couciling and it did make a lot of difference. The funny thing was, is that most of the counciling came from people that weren't councilors at all! Lol. They were just people that were going through something simular or have gone through something simular. I'm not holding onto the fact that we may be together again one day, but I always think it would be nice. She's a very good person and I had a good thing with her. Just wish life was easier to where we could have kept our love going instead of being slaves to the dollar all the time. But I am working on myself day by day. Started to even exercise today. Got up, did some setups and pushups, then ran around the block. It felt good and I'm going to do it everyday as long as I can.
cavedweller Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Ashes, I was married for 17 years and my wife left me, so, I know where you are coming from..If she says it is over, well, you can bet it is over...I also think you need to seek out a 'divorced recovery support group'.. It is possible for you two to get back together?--Hey, anything is possible...
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