ecto-1 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) ....don't date, have boyfriends, etc etc, by choice (okay stupid question) BUT, it IS unusual seeing this. I have only known 2 women in my life that are like this.....and have been single for probably years. Perhaps under normal circumstances (or if this was Sci-Fi, an alternate reality) they'd be dating, flirting, etc. Yes, they also don't even flirt, in fact, they're so cold with any guy that goes beyond being friendly. These women will be friendly and cordial, however if any guys, (even a guy that's attractive to HER) tries to take it to "flirt" level, she'll shut you down like an ice queen. For instance, I know a guy that knew this girl in our biking group, apparently he informed me that she's a "tough nut to crack" Of course, a normal response it his forum would be, "Well, she'd only flirt with a guy she was actually INTERESTED in" Doesn't apply in this case actually. That being said, they could either be: 1. Closet lesbians 2. Simply choose not to have men on ANY intimate level in their lives....what reason, it's unknown. 3. Or maybe they just don't like men? Anyone known women like this? Edited July 2, 2010 by ecto-1
sally4sara Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I have a female friend that doesn't date or have BFs on purpose. I say she does this on purpose because I know she could have a steady thing easily. Quite often when I've been around her in public, people stop and ask to take pictures of her. She does however, have male friends (pure platonic) as well as seeks out sex when she wants it. She is bi, she does the same with women but also chooses to not date or have a GF and has female friends (pure platonic). The closest to a date she does is when she makes plans to hangout with someone for a particular event. I went to see a belly dancing show with her. If we were romantically involved or intending to be, then maybe it could be called a date? She just isn't into the steady, long term expectation of giving all her free time to any ONE person or being expected to have sex with someone she enjoys spending time with every time she sees them.
Author ecto-1 Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 I have a female friend that doesn't date or have BFs on purpose. I say she does this on purpose because I know she could have a steady thing easily. Quite often when I've been around her in public, people stop and ask to take pictures of her. She does however, have male friends (pure platonic) as well as seeks out sex when she wants it. She is bi, she does the same with women but also chooses to not date or have a GF and has female friends (pure platonic). The closest to a date she does is when she makes plans to hangout with someone for a particular event. I went to see a belly dancing show with her. If we were romantically involved or intending to be, then maybe it could be called a date? She just isn't into the steady, long term expectation of giving all her free time to any ONE person or being expected to have sex with someone she enjoys spending time with every time she sees them. Yeah, it's a shame, this woman is very beautiful , exotic looking woman from Latin America...she's part of a trail biking group and has tons of cohort bikers trying to talk to her.....but once the conversation gets personal....like "how long have you lived here" or some personal question about her biography.....she gets short or tries to steer the conversation somewhere else. It's like she has a " shield " up all the time. The buzz is going around among the guys to suggest not even try for her....that she's definately a tough nut too crack, that every guy has tried. Is this an issue or there something TO that kind of behavior or is it normal?
that girl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Honestly, I think shyness or some kind of insecurity is more likely the issue than closet lesbianism. The shield might not be really intentional.
robdrm32 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 It's like she has a " shield " up all the time. The buzz is going around among the guys to suggest not even try for her....that she's definately a tough nut too crack, that every guy has tried. Is this an issue or there something TO that kind of behavior or is it normal? She could just be extremely shy, but she may also have a BF that you don't know about and isn't looking to make male friends. I know when I have a GF i don't bother talking to other girls at all, i just don't see the point. And when every guy in your circle is trying its probably not helping the cause.
D-Lish Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Maybe she just joined the group to go biking! I haven't had a bf in over 5 years. I've had some short term relationships (3 months), and I've had a fwb relationship- but I am just not seeking a bf. I was heavily burned by my exH and I haven't felt inclined to get to know anyone on a serious level since then. I'm still friendly, and I flirt with men- but I just never meet anyone that interests me enough to let my guard down. I am open to getting to know someone, but it would take someone pretty special to break down the walls.
maverick35 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I recently dated a woman like that. In her mid 30s, very attractive, incredibly self-absorbed, always guarded, emotionally unavailable, fiercely independent and was proud to claim that she has never been in a serious relationship cuz nobody has quite measured up....after her blowing hot and cold for a few weeks, I ran for the hills.....funny thing is, even after so many red flags, there is a part of me which still pines for her
Gallaxia Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Maybe she just joined the group to go biking! I haven't had a bf in over 5 years. I've had some short term relationships (3 months), and I've had a fwb relationship- but I am just not seeking a bf. I was heavily burned by my exH and I haven't felt inclined to get to know anyone on a serious level since then. I'm still friendly, and I flirt with men- but I just never meet anyone that interests me enough to let my guard down. I am open to getting to know someone, but it would take someone pretty special to break down the walls. Almost in the same exact situation, it's scary! Except mine is- I haven't had a bf in a few years. I've had some short term relationships- but I am just not seeking a bf. I just haven't come across anyone on to get to know on a serious level yet. I'm still friendly, and I flirt with men- but I just never meet anyone that interests me enough to let my guard down. I am open to getting to know someone, but it would take someone pretty special. (And I'm sure some see straight to that too.) Plus with less (for lack of a better word) distractions, I've spent my time and attention on me, better developing my "self" & my career. I have an upcoming career change! My STB man can meet me there. (Thanks D-Lish! )
sally4sara Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is this an issue or there something TO that kind of behavior or is it normal? Witness Protection Program?
lso802 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yep. A few. One girl came from a divorced family. She swore to never get married, but she may consider living with someone in the future. The other wants to be a doctor. Only way to get her to talk is to ask her about one of her classes.
primer Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I have gone years without dating. Relationships are work and I simply was too lazy to get involved. I am a very independent woman. (Also, I am able to go without "it". I would rather go without than use someone I don't even care about.) Of course, if the right person came along I would have dated.
brainygirl Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think some people just aren't flirts. I often miss flirty comments or anything with a double meaning. It isn't because I'm stupid, I just happen to be very literal. The women you mention may be in relationships they don't care to advertise, they may be very shy or not in an emotional position to feel like dating. Or they could just be antisocial "people bother me" types. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who doesn't date. I do think its mean to call someone cold and frigid because she doesn't want to date or flirt in a social setting. Some people are wired differently and bring past trauma with them. Its really not fair to make those judgments.
Stockalone Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 These women will be friendly and cordial, however if any guys, (even a guy that's attractive to HER) tries to take it to "flirt" level, she'll shut you down like an ice queen. How do you know that? Of course, a normal response it his forum would be, "Well, she'd only flirt with a guy she was actually INTERESTED in" Doesn't apply in this case actually. Again, how do you (or that guy you mentioned) know that? Is that guy her best friend and she tells him everything that is going on in her life outside the biking group? For all we know, she might be flirting with and dating guys who aren't part of her biking group.
White Dove Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 This thread got me thinking that I don't remember having any girl friends that don't want to date or have a boyfriend unless they have just gotten out of a LTR.
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