I'm Batman Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Here's the situation, I have always been an introvert. I would sit on the sidelines and observe everything around me. I only come out and talk if i'm comfortable with the people around me. In the past, girls would ask me out bc I was too nervous to ask them out OR I would be completely oblivious to girls hinting that they like me. I've missed out on very nice girls too . I've been dating a girl for over a month, she's an introvert as well. (I asked her out) It started off strong but lately we've been running out of stuff to talk about. Our schedules have been busy, so most dates have been dinners, hence all the talking. I do have plans to do day activities with her for the long weekend, and I have plans for the summer, so less talking more laughing,. Our close mutual friend said to me that she is very shy and that I need to do all the initiating. I've already done most of the initiating but honestly, my heart was racing out of my chest when I first initiated something. If anybody has been in this situation, or is currently going through it any advice? I mean, I really like her but I don't want to go back to my introverted ways and appear bored. She thinks I'm an extrovert, but i'm far from it, can I just be honest and tell her I'm really much like her? Lastly, can silent relationships work, i rather just enjoy her company.
guy.lepage Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Silent relationships work when you've been married for 50 years. I'd suggest you prepare before each date and have topics you can discuss. Ask her questions, find out what she likes. Certain topics can be discussed for hours but you really need to find what it is that stimulates her. If it's something the two of you have in common, it's a good sign. Otherwise you can find an activity you both like. A healthy relationship is a combination of everything: good conversations, good activities, similar life objectives, good sex.
USMCHokie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Lastly, can silent relationships work, i rather just enjoy her company. Put two rocks next to each other on the ground. Observe. Leave and come back after an hour. Observe again. Putting two introverts together actually creates a great opportunity for both individuals to come out of their shells. Do activities which force both of you to be more outgoing, where you have to work together to make yourselves more extroverted and well-rounded individuals. Think of it as a chance for both of you to grow.
deux ex machina Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 ...If anybody has been in this situation' date=' or is currently going through it any advice? I mean, I really like her but I don't want to go back to my introverted ways and appear bored. She thinks I'm an extrovert, but i'm far from it, can I just be honest and tell her I'm really much like her? Lastly, can silent relationships work, i rather just enjoy her company.[/quote'] This is interesting. I'm an introvert that people think is an extrovert as well. I get on well socializing, just need a lot of time to recharge, and I'm pretty quiet (mostly). If you feel like telling her, saying that you enjoy her company and that's all you need for the most part is a good way to start. She'll find out in any event. I know when I care for someone it's really very simple, I don't need tons of energy from others, and I'm pretty self-contained. It can work if you are both similar; I've read an article that convinced me that the "opposites attract" thing might not be as true as once thought. It seems people with a similar temperament are likely to work well long term. That being said, take her out and have fun sometimes, of course. Every relationship needs that once in a while. As things go on, you'll learn what works for both of you and find that balance. Just relax and know you're fine; with the right person you can be yourself.
JohnnyDrama Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I understand Batman, I seem to be introverted as well the girl I am going out with not as much. As for finding things to do well in my case I have met her for lunch, after work I got ice cream with her, one night we watched a movie. You need to kind of think outside the box and no that doesn't mean so crazy type of date but go for a walk with her, take her for a picnic on the weekend etc.. I admit there aren't always a lot of things to talk about sometimes but you have to think about things. What has she done during the week? Does she have anything big coming up etc..
Diezel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 You're Batman, just show her some fancy gadgets and take her for a ride in the Batmobile. That'll surely create some excitement in her life.
Author I'm Batman Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Thanks for all the advice guys. I would of replied sooner but was LS down for everybody else yesterday? Putting two introverts together actually creates a great opportunity for both individuals to come out of their shells. Do activities which force both of you to be more outgoing, where you have to work together to make yourselves more extroverted and well-rounded individuals. Think of it as a chance for both of you to grow. Well we haven't really had the chance to find a 1/2 to full day of just alone time, just a few hours after work or something, and on weekends our schedules either conflict or we both need our recharge time. She agreed to spend time with me all afternoon and evening today, so I need to brainstorm an activity we can both have fun doing together. Should I give in and watch Twilight with her tonight? Sigh....I know nothing about this series, lol. Side story: Yesterday was Canada's Day, we were hanging out with our mutual friends for most of the night. All but one friend know that this girl and I are seeing each other, we both agreed to keep things low key. Now call my crazy, but every time our eyes connected it lasted just that much longer than usual. Like we were non verbally communicating (felt nice and warm, lol), I really like that. You're Batman, just show her some fancy gadgets and take her for a ride in the Batmobile. That'll surely create some excitement in her life. Most definitely! Well she's ridden with me a few times, she's like "you're so patient in your daily life, but you have little patience behind a wheel", haha, i guess that's what 1.5hrs in rush hour does to you. Gadget wise, I'm a pretty good golfer and I've been mentioning teaching her, and she's been itching to learn. i just need to get her female clubs first.
Green Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Have you KISSED HER? Just make out, or hold her in your arms and cuddle. This stuff is usualy good of hours of fun in the HONEY MOON PHASE... Oh and SEX that would be fun. Are their any theme parks by where you live. Maybe take her out to a water park.
Author I'm Batman Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Have you KISSED HER? Just make out, or hold her in your arms and cuddle. This stuff is usualy good of hours of fun in the HONEY MOON PHASE... Oh and SEX that would be fun. Are their any theme parks by where you live. Maybe take her out to a water park. haha, yes, i might be quiet but us quiet people are pretty affectionate, well i am at least. Wonderland.....but what a gong show.
Author I'm Batman Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 OMG, that's real?!? My favorite webcomic took the day off yesterday because he said it was Canada Day, I thought he was being tongue in cheek. I guess I fail when it comes to Canadian holidays. LOL, yes us Canadians have a holiday maybe not as big as independence day though. Quick update: We went out yesterday mid-afternoon to a nice historic part of my city to walk around and talk etc. I told her straight up, that since I'm more introverted I don't want her to feel uncomfortable when there's silence . I said that even though we'll have silent times, her presence is all i need. She laughed a bit and was totally in favor, as she rather just sit in silence (she denies shes introverted, but she's highly introverted). I guess once I said that she started opening up to more conversation, and our time together went by quite nicely. There was once I hit a nerve with her where she talked about her occupation to the entirety. I kind of liked that she was so passionate about what she does for a living. BUT I have some doubts which I need help with (probably just over thinking). For the most part, I share anything on my mind but she keeps to herself, usually shrugging her shoulders or saying 'i have a boring life, so i have nothing to talk about', is this a sign of insecurities? Will she open up to me later in our relationship? Lets say if weeks/months go by, and this type of one sided conversation continues what else can we talk about? Conversations would fizzle out in no time which equates to boredom for both of us. Another doubt, she mentioned she was never looking for a date, but if she wasn't why does she continue agreeing on going out with me and insisting on paying for me on stuff? (side: i didn't know, but i made the mistake of asking her out only a month after a harsh breakup with her ex. she still could be hurt still, but i never bring it up) I always mention that I like being with her and I like her company but she never responds in favor, which throws me off bc I have no idea if she's fully interested or just with me for pity sake. We did end our date with a long passionate kiss and continued txting at night before she went to sleep. So what gives? Am i over thinking and blowing things out of proportion?
LondonS Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 you sound like the guy I am interested in... Oh Boy is he shy or what.. he is in his late 30ies, never married, big hit with married and taken women and a total flop with single women especially the ones who are interested in him... He is always looking at me when I am not looking or staring at me from the distance but is toooooo shy to reciprocate my advances... sooo frustrating- No idea how to handle this or how to approach him... I have tried before, He is always always looking at me...what the hell haha...
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