oceanic Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Hi all, please bear with me for the long post. any thoughts would be appreciated. So I Know this girl. We have known each other for a while though work. She was always very nice too me and seemed to get on well with me. Used to flirt a fair bit but i always just put it down to she was an outgoing person. Anyways I left the job in which i was in and moved on to a new job. We had each others phone numbers and would occasionally text or call each other to see what was up. Ive always been pretty attracted to her but never really did anything about it because i thought she didnt see me that way. anyways one night myself and a few mates got together for a couple of beers and they were fooling round with my phone and ended up sending her a message saying " So honestly, why haven't we had sex yet?". Now i was kinda pissed at them and immediately sent a message apologizing about it and that they were mucking around. I got a reply back straight away saying " OMG i know" and i was like what? anyways a few days later she texts me again saying that she is attracted to me and has lust for me and has been thinking about sleeping with me. I stupidly told her that i wasnt really looking for a relationship right now but was not opposed to the idea of hanging out and having fun. Over the next few weeks we got closer and exchanged some very sexy text messages etc. When it came time to meet up again. She started acting all weird and said that due to problems etc in her life that she doesn't want to just "hook up" with anyone. she wants to find someone that truly cares about her. at this point i had pretty much fallen for her and we had a long talk about things and i confessed i did have feelings for her and could we give things a try. She agreed and i was really happy. we started to see each other more before she suddenly decided she couldn't see me anymore. I told her i know she has been hurt in the past but im not like that and we can take things slow. anyways she got more and more annoyed the further i pushed her to tell me what was going on. I just wanted to know what it was that was getting in the way i guess. we ended up having several fights in which she got angry and just said she had feelings for me but was not physically or emotionally ready for anyone right now. But stupidly, i kept bringing it up which resulted in a large fight and her saying to never contact her EVER again. I left it 5 days to cool down and sent an email apologizing for pushing and saying i was very sorry. at this stage id pretty much given up on the fact of anything happening. She sent me an email a week later saying that " she hopes im ok and wanted me to know she is not angry and has no bad feelings towards me". took this as a good sign and started talking again. I didnt mention anything about the situation at all. we talked for a bit and i said would she give things a second chance between us if We just take it slow. And she said "yes, but only as friends. I have met someone and they have been very patient with me and my walls are starting to come down" I was angry at hearing this because she told me all along she liked me and it was not lack of feelings but not being ready. But she already has someone new? I ended up saying " yeah i thought so. Thanks for lying to me all along. I dont want to be just your friend. I dont want you in my life. its sad because the very first thing i said to you was lets always be honest with each other because i cant stand being lied to. Now i find out everything you've told me is complete BS. Hope you're happy with your new guy. Have a nice life" I know it was childish and i kinda feel guilty but it was just how i felt at the time. I didnt talk to her at all for another week and then sent an email saying the following: Just wanted to let you know that i'm sorry for what i said. Im sorry but i cant be just your friend. You have no feelings for me anymore and are already seeing someone else so i just need to let things go and move on and the only way i can do that is without you. Its not the fact i dont want you in my life, because I do. I know you wanted to be just friends but its just something i cant do. It would just hurt me too much being round you in any way esp now that you have someone else. I just cant put myself in the situation of being hurt.I know you dont understand but its sooooo hard for me to be just friends with you and never want more then that. If I cant have all of you, Its just best that I dont have you at all. If we ever were just friends it would just create endless problems. Im sorry I pushed you so much and had no patience. I guess it is something i need to work on in the future. Probably shouldn't be sending this but I just wanted you to know. I have already deleted your phone number so i have no way of contacting you, but if you ever re-think and are willing to give me a chance you always know where to find me and have my number. It doesn't matter if it was tomorrow, next month or next year. The answer from me would always be yes. Thank-you for all the fun times we had together and the way you made me feel, its something I will never forget. I truly wish you the best in life and I hope you are happy All the best, love **** then she sent a reply the next morning: I just cried and cried and cried I'll miss you *** Love always, **** Ps. I'm sorry Am i doing the right thing here in just letting it go and never looking back? Im so upset about the whole thing i just dont know what to do with myself. Feel incredibly sad and feel like balling because i know ive lost her forever. Any advice on my situation at all? I feel as though there is now no hope.
SemperParatus Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I'm not expert at all, but the way she says "I'll miss you"... to me it sounds like she is moving on, but you know this already. And I think you are right about moving on. I'm sorry she was like that towards you, but there is nothing you can do right? Plus, this woman seems like the type that gets pushed further and further away the more you try to stand and fight for her. Maybe in the future she will come back to you, but right now... she doesn't seem to want you to try and go after her because she is already hurt about things. That's my take on it. Good Luck.
Author oceanic Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 I'm not expert at all, but the way she says "I'll miss you"... to me it sounds like she is moving on, but you know this already. And I think you are right about moving on. I'm sorry she was like that towards you, but there is nothing you can do right? Plus, this woman seems like the type that gets pushed further and further away the more you try to stand and fight for her. Maybe in the future she will come back to you, but right now... she doesn't seem to want you to try and go after her because she is already hurt about things. That's my take on it. Good Luck. Thanks for your take on things. I do believe im doing the right thing but its always good to have an unbiased opinion Its been a few days now and whilst im still very very upset about it, im feeling a little better today. I know this whole situation is now out of my hands and there is nothing further i can possibly do. If it was meant to be she knows where to find me and can come back, but if not i need to move forward and get back to my normal self again ive been pouring my spare time into work and hanging out with friends and working on my car. Its actually surprising how much these things help till you get back on your own again and start over analyzing everything and over thinking everything. But im sure in time that will go away
SemperParatus Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Absolutely, I agree and just say keep yourself busy. That's the best way right there. And eventually you will find that time has just flew by and it's months down the road and here is a new girl. Just... one day at a time.
Author oceanic Posted July 4, 2010 Author Posted July 4, 2010 arghhhh, so i had a moment of weakness and had a look at her FB page. Shes got a pic of her and her new guy up and has changed her status to in a relationship. Dont even know why i did it. Feels like ****. Im not so much upset as i am angry now
Notsogood Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 arghhhh, so i had a moment of weakness and had a look at her FB page. Shes got a pic of her and her new guy up and has changed her status to in a relationship. Dont even know why i did it. Feels like ****. Im not so much upset as i am angry now Facebook is EVIL. You should have deleted her from facebook when you deleted her phone number.
Author oceanic Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Update: so got a message this morning saying " please add me on iPhone virtual scrabble. If we can't be friends then can we at least play virtual scrabble together? Now the message was from a number not in my address book so I replied and asked who it was. It was her. I didn't reply so she sent another one saying " I understand. Sorry. " Now I stupidly replied again and said I'm happy to work on things together but I can't be her friend. Then I got another reply saying she would delete my number and email etc and to take care of myself. Please someone tell me what is going though her head because I don't understand at all.
Author oceanic Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I just replied to that last SMS and just said if she misses me and realizes what she is missing then she is welcome to contact me and I told her to take care and that I wasn't angry. Just sad because she is throwing away something that could be amazing.
Author oceanic Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Time to go NC I was on NC (7 days in). But she broke it (again). It is an endless cycle. I have no clue abut what is going on in her head.
GrayClouds Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I was on NC (7 days in). But she broke it (again). It is an endless cycle. I have no clue abut what is going on in her head. Come on admit you kind of like the drama. Friends how steals your phone to email her? That not supported friends, that may not even be friends. Do you still hang with these people? I stupidly told her that i wasnt really looking for a relationship right now but was not opposed to the idea of hanging out and having fun. Over the next few weeks we got closer and exchanged some very sexy text messages etc. When it came time to meet up again. She started acting all weird and said that due to problems etc in her life that she doesn't want to just "hook up" with anyone. she wants to find someone that truly cares about her. I didnt talk to her at all for another week and then sent an email saying the following:She broke it? Looks as if you where priming the pump... Go NC and if your serious about moving on and she contact you again tell please refrain from contacting you unless she is 100% willing to be in a full committed relationship and will to do anything to make it work, anything less you will not respond and will considerate it childish game playing. But that is only if you do want the game to stop.
Author oceanic Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 No. I hate the drama. I can't sleep and I'm stressed and upset about everything. All I want is her to come back to me or leave me alone. I don't want to be and can't be her friend
GrayClouds Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Then I repeat: Go NC and if your serious about moving on and she contact you again tell please refrain from contacting you unless she is 100% willing to be in a full committed relationship and will to do anything to make it work, anything less you will not respond and will considerate it childish game playing
Author oceanic Posted August 30, 2010 Author Posted August 30, 2010 Thought i would just give an update. after I originally posted this thread i later found out she had been seeing this other guy the entire time and all the excuses and crap i was told were just that- excuses. Truth was she chose the other dude over me. Anyway, must thank people for their help. No Contact certainly does help very much. Its been a couple of months now and despite repeated attempts of her trying to contact me i have stayed strong and not given in. Even have started dating this lovely new girl who i like a lot fingers crossed i have a little more luck this time lol! Once again, thanks all for you're help. And for anyone reading this, at the time of something happening No one can say anything to make it better, but rest assured in time you will get over it and move on
Fruitpunch Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 Just putting my 2 cents in here bro, I think the whole time she WANTED you to make a move. You thought she didnt see you that way, which means you thought YOU werent good enough. This is really unattractive to women. When she did say she wanted to sleep with you , you complicated it too much be verbalising what was going on, where you stood etc. And all of this time, the other guy, who is probably a bozo was ****ing her , because girls always go for the jerks. If you start treating her a bit ****ty you will have much more of a chance. Girls say they want a gentlemen but they dont, they want a chase, to be kept on their toes, someone they can be sexual around without worrying Dont worry about the new guy, but stop with the soppy emails, you have done that now.
boosh Posted August 30, 2010 Posted August 30, 2010 She sounds like a real piece of work. Good for you for sticking to your guns and staying strong.
Author oceanic Posted September 1, 2010 Author Posted September 1, 2010 Just putting my 2 cents in here bro, I think the whole time she WANTED you to make a move. You thought she didnt see you that way, which means you thought YOU werent good enough. This is really unattractive to women. When she did say she wanted to sleep with you , you complicated it too much be verbalising what was going on, where you stood etc. And all of this time, the other guy, who is probably a bozo was ****ing her , because girls always go for the jerks. If you start treating her a bit ****ty you will have much more of a chance. Girls say they want a gentlemen but they dont, they want a chase, to be kept on their toes, someone they can be sexual around without worrying Dont worry about the new guy, but stop with the soppy emails, you have done that now. I somewhat agree with that. although that said its not really my style. I think there can be a good balance Surely there has to be women out there that dont just want a jerk? i can be a jerk sometimes, but for the most part id consider myself a pretty nice guy and would do anything for someone i loved. Maybe i need to change that a little lol And yeah there hasnt been any emails on my side now for a few months:) she has sent a few but ive just said a very short indifferent response or no response at all.
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