frenchgirl Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 When a guy invites a female co-worker to a nice restaurant, people automatically assume he's interested. If a woman did the same thing (invite a male co-worker to an expensive restaurant), would you interpret her gesture in the same way? What if the woman was married?
Green Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 When a guy invites a female co-worker to a nice restaurant, people automatically assume he's interested. I think it would be the automatic assumption that would be hard to explain otherwise. If a woman did the same thing (invite a male co-worker to an expensive restaurant), would you interpret her gesture in the same way? What if the woman was married? I'd interpret it as she liked him if she tried to SPEND ALONE TIME WITH HIM... Including the scenario you have above.
Serenitynow Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I dont bother making assumptions about other peoples private lives. Especially business settings, thats just for the busy-bodies that gather round the water coolers. What made you think of this question ?
USMCHokie Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I make it personal policy to not sh*t where I eat. I have no desire to live out an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I can't imagine my boyfriend being thrilled about me making dinner dates with a random male co-worker. I'm assuming that you confronted your boyfriend about his dates with the co-worker, and this was his response to you? The typical "oh that's such a double standard blah-blah-blah" defense? I'm also assuming that this thread is your third attempt to become "okay" with the situation your boyfriend has put you in, while I really don't think you should be okay with it at all.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 As for the woman asking me to an expensive restaurant, I'd ask her how 'bout breakfast at Hardy's. It would weird me out having her spend money on me at that stage and it would triple dipple piss me off if she stuck me with the bill.
Green Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I can't imagine my boyfriend being thrilled about me making dinner dates with a random male co-worker. I'm assuming that you confronted your boyfriend about his dates with the co-worker, and this was his response to you? The typical "oh that's such a double standard blah-blah-blah" defense? I'm also assuming that this thread is your third attempt to become "okay" with the situation your boyfriend has put you in, while I really don't think you should be okay with it at all. I read it as if she was the married woman....
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I read it as if she was the married woman.... Then you should read her previous threads. :]
norajane Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 (edited) When a guy invites a female co-worker to a nice restaurant, people automatically assume he's interested. If a woman did the same thing (invite a male co-worker to an expensive restaurant), would you interpret her gesture in the same way? What if the woman was married? Scenario A: I've been working with a particular business partner for a few months, and we've developed a good working relationship. Our conversations are mostly related to business, although of course there is usually a little chit chat about current affairs, the market, our respective cities, hobbies, golf games, whatever. Good will is important in our industry, so I invite him out to dinner. I pick the restaurant and make reservations - for 6pm. It's a nice place, but not romantic or cozy. Yes, there was some wine with our food, and conversation turned more personal in a getting to know who we are kind of way, but there was nothing romantic about it. There was no lingering eye contact, unspoken mutual attraction, just good will. Dinner was over by 8:30 or 9 and we went our separate ways. I'm sure we'll have dinner again at some point, but no rush. Scenario B: I've been working with a particular business partner for a few months, and we've developed a good working relationship. Our conversations are mostly related to business, although of course there is usually a little chit chat about current affairs, the market, our respective cities, hobbies, golf games, whatever. Good will is important in our industry, and I do like our conversations because he always makes me laugh and makes me feel good, so I invite him out to dinner. I pick the restaurant and make reservations - for 6pm. It's a nice place, but not romantic or cozy, although it seemed that way at our table. Yes, there was some wine with our food, and conversation turned more personal in a getting to know who we are kind of way, because we were interested and attracted. There was a lot of eye contact, some casual touching, and flirtation. Dinner was over at 9:30 or 10:00, and he gave me a ride home, complete with hug and kiss. I can't wait to have dinner with him again, and both of us will be looking for an opportunity to make that happen sooner rather than later. The only difference between A and B? INTENT. and CHEMISTRY. I'm assuming that you confronted your boyfriend about his dates with the co-worker, and this was his response to you? The typical "oh that's such a double standard blah-blah-blah" defense? That's exactly what it sounds like to me. frenchgirl, your bf can try and spin it any way he wants, but what he's doing with that woman goes beyond simple business dinners. I'm also assuming that this thread is your third attempt to become "okay" with the situation your boyfriend has put you in, while I really don't think you should be okay with it at all.And, frenchgirl, you can ask this as many times as you need to, but you aren't going to be ok with it because it doesn't feel right to you because it just isn't right. Trust your gut instincts. If you're not happy, listen to that instead of trying to become happier about a scenario that isn't going to get any better. Remember what I said in your other thread - if he isn't willing to make a change in his relationship with that woman in order to make you feel more comfortable, then you know that he's choosing her over you. There is NO REASON he can't dial it back with her and keep it on a professional level. There is NO REASON he has to fly off at a moment's notice to attend concerts with her, or have late night dinners with her. Edited July 1, 2010 by norajane
Green Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Then you should read her previous threads. :] I just did. TO THE OP why ask this like a HYPO... U KNOW WHATS GOING ON. He is CHEATING ON YOU
Author frenchgirl Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 Thank you all for your posts. In going through his text messages, I found out this woman is actually married (for some reason I thought she was single). I also found out she paid for the last dinner they had (not sure if I already mentioned this). I haven't confronted my BF with this yet. I am trying to collect as much information as I can before making a final decision.
2sunny Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Thank you all for your posts. In going through his text messages, I found out this woman is actually married (for some reason I thought she was single). I also found out she paid for the last dinner they had (not sure if I already mentioned this). I haven't confronted my BF with this yet. I am trying to collect as much information as I can before making a final decision. the fact that you're snooping already tells you that something's "off" - when something seems off - it's for a reason. when he gives you reason to wonder - it's not worth wondering just to have the man. he''s not worth giving up your peace of mind. stop willingly giving him that power. i'd get rid of him - and i'd tell him why. trust is earned - and his behavior isn't earning your trust...it's killing it. i'd say: "i'm not going to see you anymore because i'm not willing to be with a man that makes me wonder about his character." see ya...
guy.lepage Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I've read the various threads as well and I must say I'm surprised by the level of assertiveness in the recommendations to the OP. Some people routinely eat in fancy restaurants. And judging by the number of people who think that friendships with the opposite sex are perfectly fine (even for married folks), I would not so readily jump to conclusions. It sounds a bit fishy to me but IMHO I don't think there's enough evidence to warrant accusations of any sort.
norajane Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 In going through his text messages, I found out this woman is actually married (for some reason I thought she was single). Then she should be going to concerts with her husband instead of crooking her little finger so your bf flies out for it at a moment's notice.
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