tincanman99 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 So from what I am seeing and reading the whole cougar thing is the new big thing. Cougars are cool, hip, happening, its the in thing . Older women who want you young guys are cool, hip, leading edge, happening and should get as many young guys as they can. Older guys who want young women are pedophiles, creeps, freaks, want to play daddy and whatever other derogatory terms can be dreamed up. Or am I misunderstanding? Discuss.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I dunno man, I tend to think that people secretly snicker at 'cougars' in a way that they don't for older men. For some reason, older women on the dating market are perceived as somehow 'desperate' in a way that older men are not.
sumdude Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) I dunno man, I tend to think that people secretly snicker at 'cougars' in a way that they don't for older men. For some reason, older women on the dating market are perceived as somehow 'desperate' in a way that older men are not. Some may snicker I suppose, who cares though?. I think even the term 'cougar' seems to put it in almost a predatory light which projects power in a way. But it often doesn't seem to work out that way. My ex-GF now friend is 41 and dated a 24 year old. At first she thought she had the upper hand in the R. But in the end she was played not the other way around. It's a little hard for me to be objective though.. I realized it bruised my ego a bit when she dated this younger guy after ending things with me last year. But I got over it. In the end she felt a bit foolish about the whole thing with him. At first I think it it was an ego boost for her and he was also a lot of fun and the youthful energy was nice for her. But he's a 24 year old guy with 24 year old guy priorities. He's a player and a bit of a loser. I could see through it from the start but had to keep my mouth shut because she wouldn't listen.. until the end when she finally saw him for what he was. As far a double standard? Funny.. if anything seeing my ex GF date a much younger man made me open up a lot more to the possibility of dating a much younger woman. Edited June 30, 2010 by sumdude
In_Repair Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Ehhh, depends heavily on the specific "cougar" we are talking about. A recently divorced, sexually frustrated, classy older woman is a dream. A spent-up old drunk whore with her saggy natural or half-softball looking discount fake boobs falling out of her daughter's dress can be rather depressing. Fun for a couple of hours... but depressing, you know, from a distance, without the beer goggles...
Green Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Personaly I think society accepts and caters toward older men while cougars are really a joke. I'm in my twenties and seriously if I felt like it I'm sure I could take some older woman for all she was worth if I felt like it. Really don't feel they would be smarter or have more power then me. Dating is about ATTRACTION. I don't find older women attractive. I find women my age and YOUNGER ATTRATIVE. It also seems young women find OLDER MEN ATTRACTIVE.
threebyfate Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I draw the line at 25 years old. Anything below that would be predatory behaviour, regardless of gender. And yes, there are exceptions to every rule but they would be few and far between particularly when it comes to 18 year olds and younger. Icky.
SilentVoice Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Nope Alec Baldwin is hot!... total random answer in exchange for total random thread
Stung Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 It's all on a scale, IMO. A 45 year old dating a 30 year old, regardless of sex, is not really a big deal as a general rule. These are most of the 'cougars' that I see IRL, btw, despite the sensationalized cases of the female teachers. Make no mistake, those female teachers are not cougars, and not embraced by society: they are pedophiles. A 45 year old dating an 18 year old, that will raise eyebrows, and rightly so, regardless of sex. They are dating somebody young enough to be their own biological child, who while legally an adult, could simply not hope to be a match for them. The mentality, brain growth and experience level of most 18 year olds, even bright 18 year olds, is actually closer to a 12 year olds in many ways than to a 24 year olds. An 18 year old is often quite mentally and emotionally vulnerable, easily read and manipulated by the older party. There is still a significant amount of growth to do. I have a whole range of teenage nieces and a stepdaughter who is pushing rapidly into that territory herself. From my mid-30s vantage point, I can clearly see how they are in very real ways still partly children. In my estimation, it is wrong to take sexual and emotional advantage of someone still halfway in childhood, whatever their legal status. Let them have their first fumbling relationships with someone closer to their own age, who is also learning, who is more genuine in their intentions. Let them grow up at a more natural pace, together, awkward and painful though that might sometimes be as well. I'm also personally against sending teenagers off to war, for the record. Not that military policy-makers have ever sought my opinion. When I was thirty I knew a twenty year old male who had only had one girlfriend, was leaving home for the first time to go to college, a sweet kid still really wet behind the ears. I became something of a mentor to him for a short time, and I realized he liked older women. Like most young people he thought he was a lot more experienced and mature than he really was. I turned him down, but another woman snatched him up: she was thirty-eight and had a teenage daughter. He ended up falling head-over-heels and moving in with this woman and her daughter against my advice. I warned him that the power dynamic would be grossly uneven, but it was in one ear and out the other. He proposed, and I backed away, having said my piece. And two years later he sought me out, saying he felt trapped in a hellhole, smothered, controlled, never knew whether she'd blow hot or cold. He had no power, and had become essentially a toy, and disdained by his stepdaughter who was only a few years younger than him. His parents were furious with him and he'd messed up his education royally and now couldn't afford to go back to school without his wife's help, which would just make his trap that much deeper. At that point I could just commiserate. He had simply been way too young, and that woman had been creepy and controlling. If he had been even twenty-five, out of school with a couple other relationships under his belt and some experience with living on his own, perhaps their relationship would not have spiraled so sharply out of control. Green likes to spin this as a female control issue, and closes his ears to any other rationale. I like to think he might see things a bit differently when he's a bit older and more mature, himself.
Lizzie60 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 It's always been more accepted to see older men with younger women.. and always will be.. Fortunately.. it's slowwwwly changing.. I have to agree that it is still a huge double standard... unfortunately.
A O Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Its never been acceptable for WAY older men and women (40's+) to date young (18-25 mainly). As for this double standard - I don't care for it. If women can break the negative connotations surrounding dating much younger then good on em. I understand that the party-poopers are doing their best to drag em down, and are doing a good job at it too (what was once a positive label has as much negativity surrounding it as good, now days) but in the overall scheme of things, the cougar label has made things are little but more acceptable than it used to be. And that's a good thang in my book. .
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I think a double standard does exist, however I believe it still favours older men/younger women relationships over the reverse. The "cougar" movement is merely an ill attempt by women to "get even" and as many posters have said, "cougars" are viewed as a joke by most. While posters here may call men who pursue younger women "pedophiles," "perverts," etc, the reality is that the general public and society still accept these relationships with much more ease than older woman/younger man relationships. I suppose you can find a biological argument in that men can be physically able to have children well past their prime, while women undoubtedly have a certain biological clock that expires by their forties in most cases, often earlier. Personally I think whatever floats your boat. Sure a 45 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl is questionable and I would personally stay away from such a man, but I don't believe in passing judgements on people I do not know.
Lizzie60 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I have to disagree that it's only the cougar thing that is a joke.. I can see where it would be seen as a joke. for example.. an older, cheap, classless woman.. (trashy) who looks like an alcoholic, with a smoke on the side of her mouth.. who dresses like a teenager.. who is seen with a much younger man (obviously a loser)... I can also see a older guy (who is apparently hanging to his 'youth') dressed in purple, ponytail to the middle of his back... driving an old corvette, with a blond, trashy bimbo at his side... I agree.. both ARE a joke.. But.. take a classy older woman/man, who is obviously financilly secured.. very attractive.. classy... with a much younger man/woman at her/his side.. they are NOT as 'eminently' showing they're dating.. I don't see those as a joke... there are more and more of those couples in RL..
aerogurl87 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 The double standard is alive and well and probably will always exist to some extent due mainly to the fact that older men have always been with younger women and people have accepted that. But older women being with younger men is a fairly new phenomenon. I see nothing wrong with either scenario as long as the age difference isn't so great that the younger party could be the older partner's child or even worse, grand child.
monkey00 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 My last roommate had a guy she was fwb/dating and she was 10 years older than him. I found it kind of a laughing matter because she was using him to get over her own baggage of being dumped by her long-term ex. And also especially for the fact that she no longer has friends who are in her age group (mid 30's). All her friends and her fwb were in their mid-20's...which made me realize how immature and childish she really was as a person. I think to some degree it's still seen as a social taboo compared to the older men thing which has lasted centuries in society. While the cougar only began a couple or more decades ago.
jenifer1972 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Personaly I think society accepts and caters toward older men while cougars are really a joke. I'm in my twenties and seriously if I felt like it I'm sure I could take some older woman for all she was worth if I felt like it. Really don't feel they would be smarter or have more power then me. Dating is about ATTRACTION. I don't find older women attractive. I find women my age and YOUNGER ATTRATIVE. It also seems young women find OLDER MEN ATTRACTIVE. Ohhh, but you've never met me, or Lizzie, and some of the other 'older' women on LS... :bunny:Haha! When I got divorced, I was certainly not casting my eyes on younger men, but they sure shocked me and opened my eyes to new possibilities with THEIR interest. (P.S. ...it's more power "than" me...xoxo;))
A O Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 While posters here may call men who pursue younger women "pedophiles," "perverts," etc, the reality is that the general public and society still accept these relationships with much more ease than older woman/younger man relationships. Older men, younger women, has always been accepted due in no small part to men maturing later than women. Old men with younger women or men targeting nothing but younger women has never been accepted. .
Lizzie60 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I agree with Jenifer.. I have never gone after the young guys.. they hit on me.. I had many many many flings, affairs, dating, ONS, etc.. with men 20+ years younger.. I dated two (at the same time) .. one was 18 yrs younger.. the other was 20 yrs younger.. one lasted 2 years, the other 3 years.. and I had all the other flings, etc.. between them.. I was on a sex rampage.. One of my current MMs is 31 years younger.. we've been seeing each other for the last 4 years. He said he will never leave me.. LOL My last ex was 12 years younger.. we lived 5 years together.. it never bothered me.. (well a little bit in the beginning).. he wanted to marry me on my 50th birthday.. To be honest.. since my first ex.. (he was 11 yrs older).. I have dated maybe only ONE guy who was a bit older than me..
Tayla Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Truly amazed that the guys who say they wouldnt go that route---(i.e older ladies) are the ones who envy the likes of Ashton Kutcher for being with Demi Moore. Sorry that Lady is just that a Lady at any age, and a bod to prove it. Personally I think a genuine lady of mature age is too much for a young dumb and full of *bleep Bleep* could handle. So the guys downplay it all. Pity really. Most men want a ripe cheery verses a peach fuzz. But this is just coming from a Lady in her mid 40's loving life and laughing kindly at the differences of the the generations. WIll say this....Not a fan of Boot camp volunteers or players no matter what age... Bout time the tides turn and more ladies venture from the casted norm. Beats being accused of being a gold digger like Anna Nicole was ..What will men do when they cant cast down a lady for the very actions they themselves have displayed....Why isnt imitation ...the best form of flattery guys?
bac Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 So from what I am seeing and reading the whole cougar thing is the new big thing. Cougars are cool, hip, happening, its the in thing . Older women who want you young guys are cool, hip, leading edge, happening and should get as many young guys as they can. Older guys who want young women are pedophiles, creeps, freaks, want to play daddy and whatever other derogatory terms can be dreamed up. Or am I misunderstanding? Discuss. You are misunderstanding. Society has been always totally fine with older men (40s) and younger women. But, society has always thought that older women with younger guys have been ridiculous. As for older women (40s) and younger guys (20s), the things that they have in common are the highest sex drive, high desperation to get laid, no desire to get married and have kids. In other words, the relationship is just for fun, and short- term. That is why some people think that cougars are cool. They are a lot of fun with no negative outcomes. There is no emotional connection as a couple. As for older men (40s) and younger women (20s), the things that they have in common are the lowest sex drive, desire to settle or get married and have kids, men can provide for the family, men can provide emotional connection and support. Older men and younger women fit each other in many aspects. In other words, the relationship can be a totally normal serious LTR.
A O Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Society has been always totally fine with older men (40s) and younger women. The term "dirty old man" is the main reason why I believe that society has hardly been accepting of far older men (40's+) and younger women (18-25). Not to be confused with what I call a typical older man/younger woman scenario of some ten years difference or so, whereupon maturity and financial factors tend to come into play a bit also. .
Woggle Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 As long as they are both of legal age and consenting adults getting into it honestly then more power to them.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I don't like the term "cougar." As some others have said, it isn't the 40-something women pursuing the 20-something men. It is the young men pursuing the older woman. This has been my own personal experience. I've been propositioned by teenagers for heaven's sake. I think older women are probably more realistic about these kinds of relationships then older men are. I considered it, but it would only be sex. I couldn't have a "real" relationship with a man that young. I think most older women realize and accept this. Older men don't. They marry young women regardless of incompatibility.
Lizzie60 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I don't like the term "cougar." As some others have said, it isn't the 40-something women pursuing the 20-something men. It is the young men pursuing the older woman. This has been my own personal experience. I've been propositioned by teenagers for heaven's sake. I think older women are probably more realistic about these kinds of relationships then older men are. I considered it, but it would only be sex. I couldn't have a "real" relationship with a man that young. I think most older women realize and accept this. Older men don't. They marry young women regardless of incompatibility. Very good point.. they end up.. cheated on... or dumped..
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