Icecold Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums but thought I might get some insight and advice on my sitution. Been married for 5 years and my wife and I have two young kids. Our marriage has been extremely volatile for much of that time but we've weathered the storm and made it work up until now. I've always felt that something was not right with her, she'd do crazy things like light her pants or the carpet on fire, pick up knives threatening to kill herself or me, etc. but was never able to get anything diagnosed mainly due to her unwillingness to cooperate. Like I said, though hope has kept me with her this whole time and I try to provide for her everything that she wants. To make a long story short, last year my wife fell in "love" with an 18-year old guy that she met for a few minutes on a trip. Somehow, she had secured his name and phone number and contacted him and it progressed from there via texts and MSN until they both professed their love for each other. Then I found out and all hell broke loose and she swayed back and forth between wanting to leave her home, the kids and me for this other guy and staying and forgetting about him. Things got worse though. She started neglecting our kids and resorted to physical and emotional abuse towards me and our older one (who is 3 by the way) which is around the time that I got the police and Child Services involved. The kids were placed with my parents and I lived with them too but she was under court orders to only be with them with a supervisor. Things got better and worse over the next few months. Despite telling me that she had no intentions of being with the now 19-year old, I caught her lying numerous times and found communication between them was still continuing and each time she had an excuse. Finally, I made it clear to her that if she wanted to stay with me and work it out, she would have to commit to our relationship and forget about him. Slowly, things started getting better - she got a job, got some friends and I thought things were headed in the right direction. I thought. Over the past few weeks, tensions have increased again - it's weird but I could feel it and I even started confronting and questioning her over certain suspicious things and she would always explode and accuse me of controlling and keeping tabs on her. I told her that I had a bad feeling and she assured me that she has learnt from her mistakes and to trust her. However, we have started talking more and more of going our own separate ways. Then all of a sudden after I agreed that separation might be best, she dropped the guy's name and told me that she still thinks about him "every hour" and wonders whether he really loved her. I try to stay neutral but logical at the same point and I don't really believe in falling in love over the internet - I think you can get attracted to someone - but you won't know it's love until you meet and get to know them. Today, my daughter told me that she's seen "Mommy's boyfriend" and that he has short brown hair but Mommy has told her not to tell Daddy or "Daddy will call the police". This got my head spinning and I remembered a strange number that I saw on our phone a few weeks ago. I always assumed it was a friend of my wife's but I recorded the number just because I had a weird feeling about it. I called the number...a guy answered and I told him I got the wrong number and I hung up. By now, I'm really getting suspicious - all the red flags I've been seeing over the past few weeks - are beginning to make sense. I confront my wife about this "boyfriend" and she denies it - says our little girl makes up stuff. Ok, I can understand that. Then I ask her straight up if she can tell me who this number belongs to. Silence. I ask again. More silence. Finally, she says "you know who it belongs to". It's the 19-year old, except he's moved to our city now. She claims she has called him once to "tell him to move back" but I go through our records and find several calls - all outgoing from her - to that number. So now the present - I can't trust - no way, our mutual doctor called her a "pathological liar" a year ago - wish I would have believed him. Our mutual counsellor says she is an "emotional blackmailer" and our Social Services worker thinks she is "immature and manipulative". I'm pretty sure I want out of this marriage - it's been a long time coming - because I give and give and give and do everything to make her happy but get absolutely nothing in return. I cook, I clean, I take out the garbage, I mow the lawn, I pay for everything (she gets to save her entire pay and spend it on whatever she wants or use towards our family vacation), I remember all the special occasions, I buy her nice presents, take her out to eat in nice restaurants, pick her up food on the way home late at night - you name it, I do it. All I ever wanted is a little appreciation and respect and I'd be happy but in return, I get anger, hostility, threats and temper tantrums. I know she doesn't love me anymore - it's pretty obvious by the way she treats me, but she clings to the relationship because of the lifestyle we enjoy together. She has continually asked and even aggressively demanded that I allow her the freedoms of a "single woman" while still giving her the respect and support a husband gives a wife. When I tell her I'm not comfortable with that, her usual response is "well, then I'll continue to suffocate in this marriage and make your life hell". I know "marriage counselling" may come to mind, but we've tried and she's just not cooperative. She even conceded once that when she goes into these sessions, it's a different personality of hers that is present - one that ignores all the problems and presents herself in a completely inaccurate light! Bottom line - I think I've finally come to the realization that I'm just threatening my own future and that of my children by staying with this woman. If you read through all this, I applaud you - it's a long story but sadly it's just a tip of the iceberg. I'd be here all night if I was to detail all her other major episodes and the roller coaster of a ride she has taken me on. Thanks for reading!
imagine Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Iceberg, from your side of the story she sounds like a nutter. I certainly do not think that she would be a good influence on your children. Document all the tragic events and take them to your lawyer to get FULL custody. Try to get proof of her contact with OM before confronting.
HopelessinDTW Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Actually it sounds like she had a personality disorder. Was she abused as a child?? My wife who is divorcing me now was abused as a child. And looking back at some of her behaviors, it seems like she does have some sort of a personality disorder. You need to end this, she needs to get help, and you need to get your kids out of this situation. Sorry you had to go through this all these years, but you need to get your life in order for your sake and the kids.
habs53 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums but thought I might get some insight and advice on my sitution. Been married for 5 years and my wife and I have two young kids. Our marriage has been extremely volatile for much of that time but we've weathered the storm and made it work up until now. I've always felt that something was not right with her, she'd do crazy things like light her pants or the carpet on fire, pick up knives threatening to kill herself or me, etc. but was never able to get anything diagnosed mainly due to her unwillingness to cooperate. Like I said, though hope has kept me with her this whole time and I try to provide for her everything that she wants. To make a long story short, last year my wife fell in "love" with an 18-year old guy that she met for a few minutes on a trip. Somehow, she had secured his name and phone number and contacted him and it progressed from there via texts and MSN until they both professed their love for each other. Then I found out and all hell broke loose and she swayed back and forth between wanting to leave her home, the kids and me for this other guy and staying and forgetting about him. Things got worse though. She started neglecting our kids and resorted to physical and emotional abuse towards me and our older one (who is 3 by the way) which is around the time that I got the police and Child Services involved. The kids were placed with my parents and I lived with them too but she was under court orders to only be with them with a supervisor. Things got better and worse over the next few months. Despite telling me that she had no intentions of being with the now 19-year old, I caught her lying numerous times and found communication between them was still continuing and each time she had an excuse. Finally, I made it clear to her that if she wanted to stay with me and work it out, she would have to commit to our relationship and forget about him. Slowly, things started getting better - she got a job, got some friends and I thought things were headed in the right direction. I thought. Over the past few weeks, tensions have increased again - it's weird but I could feel it and I even started confronting and questioning her over certain suspicious things and she would always explode and accuse me of controlling and keeping tabs on her. I told her that I had a bad feeling and she assured me that she has learnt from her mistakes and to trust her. However, we have started talking more and more of going our own separate ways. Then all of a sudden after I agreed that separation might be best, she dropped the guy's name and told me that she still thinks about him "every hour" and wonders whether he really loved her. I try to stay neutral but logical at the same point and I don't really believe in falling in love over the internet - I think you can get attracted to someone - but you won't know it's love until you meet and get to know them. Today, my daughter told me that she's seen "Mommy's boyfriend" and that he has short brown hair but Mommy has told her not to tell Daddy or "Daddy will call the police". This got my head spinning and I remembered a strange number that I saw on our phone a few weeks ago. I always assumed it was a friend of my wife's but I recorded the number just because I had a weird feeling about it. I called the number...a guy answered and I told him I got the wrong number and I hung up. By now, I'm really getting suspicious - all the red flags I've been seeing over the past few weeks - are beginning to make sense. I confront my wife about this "boyfriend" and she denies it - says our little girl makes up stuff. Ok, I can understand that. Then I ask her straight up if she can tell me who this number belongs to. Silence. I ask again. More silence. Finally, she says "you know who it belongs to". It's the 19-year old, except he's moved to our city now. She claims she has called him once to "tell him to move back" but I go through our records and find several calls - all outgoing from her - to that number. So now the present - I can't trust - no way, our mutual doctor called her a "pathological liar" a year ago - wish I would have believed him. Our mutual counsellor says she is an "emotional blackmailer" and our Social Services worker thinks she is "immature and manipulative". I'm pretty sure I want out of this marriage - it's been a long time coming - because I give and give and give and do everything to make her happy but get absolutely nothing in return. I cook, I clean, I take out the garbage, I mow the lawn, I pay for everything (she gets to save her entire pay and spend it on whatever she wants or use towards our family vacation), I remember all the special occasions, I buy her nice presents, take her out to eat in nice restaurants, pick her up food on the way home late at night - you name it, I do it. All I ever wanted is a little appreciation and respect and I'd be happy but in return, I get anger, hostility, threats and temper tantrums. I know she doesn't love me anymore - it's pretty obvious by the way she treats me, but she clings to the relationship because of the lifestyle we enjoy together. She has continually asked and even aggressively demanded that I allow her the freedoms of a "single woman" while still giving her the respect and support a husband gives a wife. When I tell her I'm not comfortable with that, her usual response is "well, then I'll continue to suffocate in this marriage and make your life hell". I know "marriage counselling" may come to mind, but we've tried and she's just not cooperative. She even conceded once that when she goes into these sessions, it's a different personality of hers that is present - one that ignores all the problems and presents herself in a completely inaccurate light! Bottom line - I think I've finally come to the realization that I'm just threatening my own future and that of my children by staying with this woman. If you read through all this, I applaud you - it's a long story but sadly it's just a tip of the iceberg. I'd be here all night if I was to detail all her other major episodes and the roller coaster of a ride she has taken me on. Thanks for reading! I would tell her to get help for her self or leave. I have found that you cannot force anybody to do this. In this case i would give her no choice and start the 180.
bestplayer Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums but thought I might get some insight and advice on my sitution. Been married for 5 years and my wife and I have two young kids. Our marriage has been extremely volatile for much of that time but we've weathered the storm and made it work up until now. I've always felt that something was not right with her, she'd do crazy things like light her pants or the carpet on fire, pick up knives threatening to kill herself or me, etc. but was never able to get anything diagnosed mainly due to her unwillingness to cooperate. Like I said, though hope has kept me with her this whole time and I try to provide for her everything that she wants. To make a long story short, last year my wife fell in "love" with an 18-year old guy that she met for a few minutes on a trip. Somehow, she had secured his name and phone number and contacted him and it progressed from there via texts and MSN until they both professed their love for each other. Then I found out and all hell broke loose and she swayed back and forth between wanting to leave her home, the kids and me for this other guy and staying and forgetting about him. Things got worse though. She started neglecting our kids and resorted to physical and emotional abuse towards me and our older one (who is 3 by the way) which is around the time that I got the police and Child Services involved. The kids were placed with my parents and I lived with them too but she was under court orders to only be with them with a supervisor. Things got better and worse over the next few months. Despite telling me that she had no intentions of being with the now 19-year old, I caught her lying numerous times and found communication between them was still continuing and each time she had an excuse. Finally, I made it clear to her that if she wanted to stay with me and work it out, she would have to commit to our relationship and forget about him. Slowly, things started getting better - she got a job, got some friends and I thought things were headed in the right direction. I thought. Over the past few weeks, tensions have increased again - it's weird but I could feel it and I even started confronting and questioning her over certain suspicious things and she would always explode and accuse me of controlling and keeping tabs on her. I told her that I had a bad feeling and she assured me that she has learnt from her mistakes and to trust her. However, we have started talking more and more of going our own separate ways. Then all of a sudden after I agreed that separation might be best, she dropped the guy's name and told me that she still thinks about him "every hour" and wonders whether he really loved her. I try to stay neutral but logical at the same point and I don't really believe in falling in love over the internet - I think you can get attracted to someone - but you won't know it's love until you meet and get to know them. Today, my daughter told me that she's seen "Mommy's boyfriend" and that he has short brown hair but Mommy has told her not to tell Daddy or "Daddy will call the police". This got my head spinning and I remembered a strange number that I saw on our phone a few weeks ago. I always assumed it was a friend of my wife's but I recorded the number just because I had a weird feeling about it. I called the number...a guy answered and I told him I got the wrong number and I hung up. By now, I'm really getting suspicious - all the red flags I've been seeing over the past few weeks - are beginning to make sense. I confront my wife about this "boyfriend" and she denies it - says our little girl makes up stuff. Ok, I can understand that. Then I ask her straight up if she can tell me who this number belongs to. Silence. I ask again. More silence. Finally, she says "you know who it belongs to". It's the 19-year old, except he's moved to our city now. She claims she has called him once to "tell him to move back" but I go through our records and find several calls - all outgoing from her - to that number. So now the present - I can't trust - no way, our mutual doctor called her a "pathological liar" a year ago - wish I would have believed him. Our mutual counsellor says she is an "emotional blackmailer" and our Social Services worker thinks she is "immature and manipulative". I'm pretty sure I want out of this marriage - it's been a long time coming - because I give and give and give and do everything to make her happy but get absolutely nothing in return. I cook, I clean, I take out the garbage, I mow the lawn, I pay for everything (she gets to save her entire pay and spend it on whatever she wants or use towards our family vacation), I remember all the special occasions, I buy her nice presents, take her out to eat in nice restaurants, pick her up food on the way home late at night - you name it, I do it. All I ever wanted is a little appreciation and respect and I'd be happy but in return, I get anger, hostility, threats and temper tantrums. I know she doesn't love me anymore - it's pretty obvious by the way she treats me, but she clings to the relationship because of the lifestyle we enjoy together. She has continually asked and even aggressively demanded that I allow her the freedoms of a "single woman" while still giving her the respect and support a husband gives a wife. When I tell her I'm not comfortable with that, her usual response is "well, then I'll continue to suffocate in this marriage and make your life hell". I know "marriage counselling" may come to mind, but we've tried and she's just not cooperative. She even conceded once that when she goes into these sessions, it's a different personality of hers that is present - one that ignores all the problems and presents herself in a completely inaccurate light! Bottom line - I think I've finally come to the realization that I'm just threatening my own future and that of my children by staying with this woman. If you read through all this, I applaud you - it's a long story but sadly it's just a tip of the iceberg. I'd be here all night if I was to detail all her other major episodes and the roller coaster of a ride she has taken me on. Thanks for reading! get rid of her as soon as posiible
hurt and devastated Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Agreed. You need to get yourself and your kids out of there before someone gets harmed.
U2RockZz Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 you got hell lot of patience man, get rid of her.....she is neither good to you nor for herself......do not waste your time on crazy person like her....file it now.
Doing it Since '78 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) Bro, Tell her to kick rocks. Do it now, not later-You said she is: Crazy Abusive to your children Broke Loose with the pu$$y A cheater and addicted to the internet in love with a teenager Pathological Liar Sick sense of entitlement What could she possible do for you? Matter of fact tell me one good thing about her? Can she at least cook? Get rid of her now, before she runs at you with a knife and you split her head open with a stiff right cross to protect yourself, and you find yourself in county jail with her setting your kids pants on fire, while you read about it on the news eating your stale bologna jail house hack sandwhich -real talk Edited June 30, 2010 by Doing it Since '78
Author Icecold Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 Thanks everyone. I am getting out - there is no question about that. I have found out since then that she has been lying to me for a while and continues to lie yet she sent me about 150 texts today asking me to forgive her. I am going through so many emotions, I am pretty much a wreck. I feel extremely hurt and very angry. I've already began looking into my legal and parental rights but I realize this is going to take a lot of time, energy and patience.
Gunny376 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 "Run Forrest Run!" Get out before she make you and worse even your children "Sick" Be compassionate and understanding in that she is who and what she is ~ but you absolutely must protect yourself and your children from her. I learned at the age of 45 that my Father molested since age two ~ who I once thought was my "full-blooded" sister was in essence a sex addict. I kind of sort of knew that because he was to busy to spending time chasing skirt than spending time with me. I learned that the reason he and my Mother divorced was because he was trying to persuade her into wife swapping. She divorced him, married a solider from Texas and moved there. I ended up getting dumped onto my paternal grandparents, who after having gone through the Great Depression with seven children, WWII (With three out of four sons in the War) and the Korean War (My Dad) who basically made sure that I didn't accidentally kill myself? They were too old and worn out to deal with raising a grandson. Past the age of six? I've seen my Mother about six or seven times. She loves me dearly ~ I know this ~ as do I her. I understand that the choices she had as a woman back in the Sixties were few and far between ~ slim to none ~ and that Slim just left town. I really could have used having Mama around to explain "Girls" to me, and telling what to do, say and such? But she had to do what she had to do. The wife is obviously off tangent! And now? You've got to do what you've got to do!
seibert253 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 agreed. You need to get yourself and your kids out of there before someone gets harmed. ^^^^ this!
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