ByShine Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi loveshack, and I'm back once again even though I never hoped to return and post here again, (not that I don't like this wonderful community but because I don't want to be in midst of trouble again) but here I am. My problem is that after I been hurt so badly by unrequited love, my heart has gone completely ice cold. Usually when I see girls I'd be attracted by them. But now, when I see girls, it's more like lets avoid them. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175626/ < thats the previous experience btw and I've gotten over that girl. But anyway, whatever I do in life, I feel no emotion towards it. I just graduated from high school and I got no feelings of excitement. I don't have any emotion and my heart has turned so cold. I don't know why. I exercise, but I don't feel anything in my heart. It is though I have been so badly hurt that it doesn't want to ever open up again. Does anyone know why this is so? I really don't know who am I anymore and everyday I live to find the flow that was once in me. Or is this all part of me growing up into an adult? is this normal? i dunno what it is can someone provide me an explanation?
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) Yeah, I can relate. My first r/s started when I was 16, and lasted through my first year of uni (till I was 18). I ended it, and it was an awful relationship, where I got emotionally blackmailed. For the next many years, I wasn't interested in anyone. I had a crush or two, but that's it. At times I honestly thought I was asexual, I was THAT turned off the idea. Also, I kind of lost myself along the way. From age 19-22, I almost didn't know who I was anymore, and did a LOT of growing and questioning and I needed to focus my time on myself and no one else. When I was 23, I went o/s for the first time, working at a summer camp for a couple of months. It was there that I got exposed to the idea of getting to know friends, kissing them for practise, and not getting serious with anyone. It was good, and opened up my heart again. A friend of mine started paying me attention and that was nice...I remembered what that 'lovey' feeling was again, and although that didn't end in anything, it was a learning experience. While I was o/s, I also re-discovered myself. I learned who I really was, and ultimately, I got more attention because of it. I was the most confident that I'd been in years. At 24, I met someone who I would ultimately have a real r/s with, there was a 6 year gap between this one and the last one. So it took 5 years for me to get used to the idea of being in a r/s again, and another year till I was in one. That r/s ended nearly 3 months ago because he cheated on me, but that's another story That's my experience. Yeah, I shut down for many years and only once I'd discovered myself as an adult did any other relationships progress. I'm the kind of person who only really likes to be in a r/s if I feel it's going to progress, or be serious, since I believe VERY much in true love, so I don't just play the field. I don't know what you're like in that situation, but if you're anything like me, there's no need to rush. Best of luck! Edited June 30, 2010 by LoveTruthChaos
Author ByShine Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Yeah, I can relate. My first r/s started when I was 16, and lasted through my first year of uni (till I was 18). I ended it, and it was an awful relationship, where I got emotionally blackmailed. For the next many years, I wasn't interested in anyone. I had a crush or two, but that's it. At times I honestly thought I was asexual, I was THAT turned off the idea. Also, I kind of lost myself along the way. From age 19-22, I almost didn't know who I was anymore, and did a LOT of growing and questioning and I needed to focus my time on myself and no one else. When I was 23, I went o/s for the first time, working at a summer camp for a couple of months. It was there that I got exposed to the idea of getting to know friends, kissing them for practise, and not getting serious with anyone. It was good, and opened up my heart again. A friend of mine started paying me attention and that was nice...I remembered what that 'lovey' feeling was again, and although that didn't end in anything, it was a learning experience. While I was o/s, I also re-discovered myself. I learned who I really was, and ultimately, I got more attention because of it. I was the most confident that I'd been in years. At 24, I met someone who I would ultimately have a real r/s with, there was a 6 year gap between this one and the last one. So it took 5 years for me to get used to the idea of being in a r/s again, and another year till I was in one. That r/s ended nearly 3 months ago because he cheated on me, but that's another story That's my experience. Yeah, I shut down for many years and only once I'd discovered myself as an adult did any other relationships progress. I'm the kind of person who only really likes to be in a r/s if I feel it's going to progress, or be serious, since I believe VERY much in true love, so I don't just play the field. I don't know what you're like in that situation, but if you're anything like me, there's no need to rush. Best of luck! Well, how exactly did you feel? and can anyone else relate to this?
Author ByShine Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 i am mentally ****ed for life my head is spinning i need to lie down i love you please come and see me i miss you so much im sorry i suck i love you so much ??? what....?
spriggig Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 ??? what....? Y is that guy in the back of the room who interjects his own pain in every thread. We try to help him, but he's chosen not to listen for now. I suspect he is a troll, but I'm not sure about him. As for this topic, I want to say as a 44 year old man that you don't have all the time in the world. Pick up the pace a little and move through a few more relationships/breakups because that is how you make your list of "dealbreakers" and learn to spot the red flags. Also, most women think they can have kids as long as they have a menstrual cycle. That's not always true. Many women in their mid-thirties are shocked to discover that they can't have kids. http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020415/story.html
Author ByShine Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Y is that guy in the back of the room who interjects his own pain in every thread. We try to help him, but he's chosen not to listen for now. I suspect he is a troll, but I'm not sure about him. As for this topic, I want to say as a 44 year old man that you don't have all the time in the world. Pick up the pace a little and move through a few more relationships/breakups because that is how you make your list of "dealbreakers" and learn to spot the red flags. Also, most women think they can have kids as long as they have a menstrual cycle. That's not always true. Many women in their mid-thirties are shocked to discover that they can't have kids. http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020415/story.html So your saying the solution is to go and meet more girls?
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