portical96 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Im hooking up with a guy from work that i hardly know. Its great for the sex, and im very attracted to him, and the tension and looks at work are fun for now. I spend the night when we hook up and its always affectionate, long lasting and very unselfish. However, hes soo chill and aloof that im getting frustrated. He makes just enough effort in texts and looks and stopping by and saying hi's that its keeping me around but making me feel stupid. what behavior should i have to turn the tables some? i dont feel disrespected, i just feel like a silly girl. i think hes in charge because he cares less, how can i even that out?
xRJ85x Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Im hooking up with a guy from work that i hardly know. Its great for the sex, and im very attracted to him, and the tension and looks at work are fun for now. I spend the night when we hook up and its always affectionate, long lasting and very unselfish. However, hes soo chill and aloof that im getting frustrated. He makes just enough effort in texts and looks and stopping by and saying hi's that its keeping me around but making me feel stupid. what behavior should i have to turn the tables some? i dont feel disrespected, i just feel like a silly girl. i think hes in charge because he cares less, how can i even that out? You're getting attached. Plain and simple. You two put yourself in a horrible position: attempting a friends with benefits relationship without agreeing upon it first. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt, that's a fact. What should you do? GET OUT RIGHT NOW!!!
guy.lepage Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 How long have you been doing this for? It's only normal for people in a burgeoning relationship to feel "stupid" and "insecure". That's what's exciting about new relationships! If you've been FWB for an extended period of time, if you've tried to be more but was turned down by the guy, then yes I'd suggest you reconsider the relationship. But if you've been FWB for only a short period, if he treats you well and respects you, then in due time you can re-assess where it's heading.
O'Malley Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 There's no real way to turn the tables, because he is apparently less emotionally invested in this situation than you are. The only thing you can do is match your behavior and expectations to his. Don't initiate or contact him more than he does with you. You also can't assume or expect relationship behavior (hugs, intimate discussions, regular contact) because this is not a relationship. At some point the novelty will wear off, or you will become irritated with all the non relationship parameters and end things. If you want more, and he does not...you're simply wasting your time.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 The thing is, you are FWB's and so he owes you nothing more than this. You aren't in a relationship. There isn't a way to turn the tables, he's sticking to FWB, you appear to want more. You could always pull back, and not give into him when he calls/texts and try and regain control, but it's doubtful that would really work. I think you need to ask yourself is this what you really want? If you continue with this, and you want more, you aren't being respectful to yourself and are wasting your time.
make me believe Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 He's treating you like his f*ck buddy because you're his f*ck buddy! You are acting like you expect him to treat you like he would a girlfriend. But you're NOT his girlfriend. You got it exactly right in your post: he's doing the bare minimum that he has to do to keep getting sex from you. He's not going to do more because all he cares about is the sex. You seem like you want more or are/were hoping this would eventually turn into a relationship, but a FWB situation verrrrry rarely turns into a proper relationship. This guy has exactly what he wants. If he wanted you to be his GF, he would make it known to you. I think you should end this now because you're only going to drive yourself crazy looking for "signs" that you're not just his f*ck buddy and hoping it turns into something more.
reservoirdog1 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 He's treating you like his f*ck buddy because you're his f*ck buddy! You are acting like you expect him to treat you like he would a girlfriend. But you're NOT his girlfriend. You got it exactly right in your post: he's doing the bare minimum that he has to do to keep getting sex from you. He's not going to do more because all he cares about is the sex. You seem like you want more or are/were hoping this would eventually turn into a relationship, but a FWB situation verrrrry rarely turns into a proper relationship. This guy has exactly what he wants. If he wanted you to be his GF, he would make it known to you. I think you should end this now because you're only going to drive yourself crazy looking for "signs" that you're not just his f*ck buddy and hoping it turns into something more. This is pretty much bang on. Sounds like you both knew the terms of your interrelationship when it started; the problem is, he's happy keeping it that way and you want more. If it's going to continue, either you need to change what you want, or he does. And if he won't, then you need to decide if what you're getting from him is enough to make you happy. If not, you should move on.
Recommended Posts