smoochie Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi all, What do you do as a parent of a grown man who refuses to acknowledge or provide for his children? Do you cut him off or just go along with it? Is it wrong if we act like the child doesn't exist and let him handle it? He insists that the child is not his but the woman is adamant and claims he acknowledge the child in court and has DNA to prove it. What is our role in this? Thanks.
Author smoochie Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 The woman says they have already gone to court and taken DNA tests. He is saying she's lying. But what role, if any, do parents have in cases like this with their adult children?
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I don't know why I gravitate toward the Maury Povich show every morning, but I find myself being horrified and delighted by the ridiculous situations. It's always about paternity... It's always 50/50 with regard to "YOU ARE THE FATHER" or "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER". lol. Get it figured out, get a paternity test- if you are a grandarent, don't you want to know?
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 As the Grand Parent of the child(ren) IMO you have as much voice as you are willing to use. He is your son.. and that is your Grand Child.. What would you like him to do ? Do you believe the child is his ? and by all means contact the woman and ask for the verified proof of DNA or get it from your son.... The child is your Grand Child if the DNA is conclusive and not if it isn't..
Author smoochie Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Yeah those shows are sad and funny all at the same time. I agree that as a grandparent, you should find out the truth as well. Problem is, this grandparent completely denied the child and now 20 years later, wants to acknowledge them. Some of the family members with knowledge of this child recognizes the father's fault but does not see the grandparents at fault. However, the child and mother blame the grandparents for not "wanting to believe" their perfect son had a baby he didn't want to take care of after hearing about the child for years.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Hi all, What do you do as a parent of a grown man who refuses to acknowledge or provide for his children? Do you cut him off or just go along with it? Is it wrong if we act like the child doesn't exist and let him handle it? He insists that the child is not his but the woman is adamant and claims he acknowledge the child in court and has DNA to prove it. What is our role in this? Thanks. Cut him off from what? Can you not count on him to tell you the truth about this very serious situation? If I couldn't get the truth from my son, I would ask the woman to send me copies of the DNA results and copies of court orders as well. I would then attempt to have a relationship with my grandchild.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Smoochie, I thought you were speaking of yourself. So, the grandchild is now an adult? The grandchild has a right to be angry and reject anyone who rejected him when he was a child.
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Sounds like a Maury situation... The grandparents supported their son, right or wrong. If the DNA results turn out to support the fact that this person is their grandchild, they have the option of apologizing and getting to know their grandchild. In order for this to work, everyone has to let go of their resentments. If one or the other can't do that- no reconciliation will take place. Plain and simple.
somedude81 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I don't know why I gravitate toward the Maury Povich show every morning, but I find myself being horrified and delighted by the ridiculous situations. It's always about paternity... It's always 50/50 with regard to "YOU ARE THE FATHER" or "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER". lol. Get it figured out, get a paternity test- if you are a grandarent, don't you want to know? LOL the Maury show is terrible. I once saw a woman who was there with three guys and none of them were the father. It's like, "Damn, woman, how many guys were you having unprotected sex with in the same time period?!" IMO until a man is proven the father and if there are doubts, he should have no responsibilities, or rights to the child.
Author smoochie Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Sounds like a Maury situation... The grandparents supported their son, right or wrong. If the DNA results turn out to support the fact that this person is their grandchild, they have the option of apologizing and getting to know their grandchild. In order for this to work, everyone has to let go of their resentments. If one or the other can't do that- no reconciliation will take place. Plain and simple. The child is definitely his, test came back over 99% positive and their other family members have formed a relationship with the kid. The problem is, the grandparents now want to see the child but the other family members do not want them held responsible for their actions. The grandparents treated the woman poorly throughout the years when she was trying to get some support. At one point, the grandmother told the girl "you are not taking anything from my son and THAT kid is not my grandchild. My grand children are named, X,Y and Z. My son told me that he called you about HIS son last week, so why are you still looking to talk to him". The child was five years old at this point but the grandparents continually denied the kid the years prior and that was the last straw. Never heard from them again until the child turned 18 and in college. Two years later, the grandmother now wants to see them and sent them a birthday card with some money and a very lame apology. So its really the aunts and uncles of the child that are scared their mother is going to get cursed out by the child AND the mother. Not sure what to do here....
turnera Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I'm so confused! But if it's what I think you are saying, I believe that it's never too late to accept an apology.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 The grandchild, who is now an adult, has every right to choose to not have a relationship with his grandparents or father for that matter. It isn't even a matter of forgiveness. He may hold no ill will toward them and still decide that he made it through childhood without them (when they didn't care if he lived or died) so he certainly doesn't need them now that he is a man. When I split from my husband, my son was 3 weeks old. His paternal grandmother, aunts, and uncle made no attempt to be part of his life, nor did they call to check on him, no contact. They even counseled his father not to pay child support to force me to return to the marriage. Children aren't blind and have a greater awareness than adults realize. Now, as an adult, my son has no interest in knowing those relatives. I was there, daily, and witnessed my child coping with the lack of care/affection/interest from those relatives and from his father as well. He learned, as I'm sure the boy you reference did also, to live without them. My son isn't angry. He just doesn't have a place in his life for them and isn't inclined to create a place for people who abandoned him when they thought it in their best interest to do so. I suspect the grandson you reference feels similarly. If the grandparents aren't willing to subject themselves to a good tongue lashing, I question whether they really understand the magnitude of hurt they inflicted and if they are truly ready to accept responsibility for their actions. His aunts and uncle's need to stay out of it and continue to enjoy their relationship with him. Just as the grandparents had a change of heart, he may also one day; but he has to arrive at that point on his own. They should not push him to accept people that rejected him.
turnera Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 If the grandparents aren't willing to subject themselves to a good tongue lashing, I question whether they really understand the magnitude of hurt they inflicted and if they are truly ready to accept responsibility for their actions. His aunts and uncle's need to stay out of it and continue to enjoy their relationship with him. Just as the grandparents had a change of heart, he may also one day; but he has to arrive at that point on his own. They should not push him to accept people that rejected him. I agree. Abandoning a child behooves a person to endure some tongue lashing. And then everyone can accept what happened and try to move forward. As someone who's had parents excommunicated on both sides (mine and husband's), I can tell you it is not the way to go, unless there is abuse involved.
Green Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I would stress that at this point its not even a matter of forgiveness. The 18 year old now has there own life and might just want to keep it that way. If it were me I wouldn't really care to see the grandparents unless they paid me a lot of money to do it like say buying me a NICE CAR. It was rude what the grandparents did and it shouldn't turn on the fact of a DNA test. Although I do recomend a DNA test for POLICY reasons, no excuse for not paying child suport.
Tayla Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Legally: the following have rights to the records: The mother, the father, the courts ,court recorder and guardians of the court. You can shout all you want as the relative.. . Its up to the above referenced to make the deciding knowledge known. Ohh and sometimes the IRS gets to know I would advise legal counsel verses using this forum on this inquiry.
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