Drummergirl_23 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I'm gonna attempt to make a long story short... We have been off and on since december. She ended it for good mid-may. I tried begging, had been texting her and so forth with not much response. I asked her last week if she was seeing someone else and she sorta dodged the question. I said that I was seeing someone (which I kinda am but it isn't serious) and she said leave her alone. I texted her couple nights later and asked if she loves me. She says no. I text the next morning and ask if she really didn't love me and she said leave her alone, she has someone new and I need to move on. There was a couple other texts after that but she said she's "Done". I told her I understood and respected her decision, I will always love her and wish her the best wherever life takes her. Then went no contact since last friday. Well, at some point this weekend I had logged on to yahoo messenger and changed my status to read "Better off...". I had long ago deleted her from my friends list cause I don't wanna know when she's online. Apparently, she didn't do that and this morning I had a text that read "Better off? Ha...Its all good. Keep your head held high". So of course, I freaked out. She hasn't initiation contact with me in over a month. So I said "Maybe we are both better off. I didn't mean that bad" or something like that. She said "Its for the better" and I said like "Whatever you say" and we had a short convo which ended when I asked her if she loves the new person. I know totally stupid for me to ask. She never responded, even after I told her that I wasn't gonna get mad and I'm not trying to make her feel guilty, just wanna know. So I haven't responded. I'm scared that when I get home I will see that she's left me IMs. At first it felt good to hear from her and now it just sucks. I haven't eaten all day and I was starting to feel a little better since she initially told me she was seeing someone else. I need you people to remind me why I should not text or contact this woman. What I really need is some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing cause I feel so weak right now. I know that I shouldn't contact her but for some reason my brain can't think of the reasons why. My heart really wants to take over right now.
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I'm gonna attempt to make a long story short... We have been off and on since december. She ended it for good mid-may. I tried begging, had been texting her and so forth with not much response. I asked her last week if she was seeing someone else and she sorta dodged the question. I said that I was seeing someone (which I kinda am but it isn't serious) and she said leave her alone. I texted her couple nights later and asked if she loves me. She says no. I text the next morning and ask if she really didn't love me and she said leave her alone, she has someone new and I need to move on. There was a couple other texts after that but she said she's "Done". I told her I understood and respected her decision, I will always love her and wish her the best wherever life takes her. Then went no contact since last friday. Well, at some point this weekend I had logged on to yahoo messenger and changed my status to read "Better off...". I had long ago deleted her from my friends list cause I don't wanna know when she's online. Apparently, she didn't do that and this morning I had a text that read "Better off? Ha...Its all good. Keep your head held high". So of course, I freaked out. She hasn't initiation contact with me in over a month. So I said "Maybe we are both better off. I didn't mean that bad" or something like that. She said "Its for the better" and I said like "Whatever you say" and we had a short convo which ended when I asked her if she loves the new person. I know totally stupid for me to ask. She never responded, even after I told her that I wasn't gonna get mad and I'm not trying to make her feel guilty, just wanna know. So I haven't responded. I'm scared that when I get home I will see that she's left me IMs. At first it felt good to hear from her and now it just sucks. I haven't eaten all day and I was starting to feel a little better since she initially told me she was seeing someone else. I need you people to remind me why I should not text or contact this woman. What I really need is some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing cause I feel so weak right now. I know that I shouldn't contact her but for some reason my brain can't think of the reasons why. My heart really wants to take over right now. She's a bitch and you can do better...ftw
Author Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Lol, thanks. I already knew that though! No, honestly, she's not a bad person. I'm sure this is hard for her too. It's been a rough 2 and a half years. I don't hate her but sometimes I wish I did so that it would be easier. For some stupid reason I STILL love her. I want her to be happy. Even if someone else makes her happy. God I hate this feeling. I know it will pass, I know I will be ok but man, you're never ready for it are you? No matter how many times you feel this terrible feeling in your chest, you're never ready for it when it comes. She didn't leave me any IMs. And actually, I feel relieved. This was a long distance relationship so once I make the decision to go no contact, I can try and pretend as if she doesn't exist unless she did what she did this morning. I won't accidently run into her or anything. I've deleted her from yahoo messenger and she has no fb or myspace. I've deleted all her friends and family from both (with an apology to them about how it was not their fault and I still loved them, its all just too hard to remain friends at this time). She says leave me alone and I actually DO for once and she does this?? Its messed me up a little. I know she's just pulling my strings and I fell right into the trap. Her ego is now fully in tact and mine is ripped to shreds. How could I be so dumb?? I should have just ignored her. Please, anyone who is reading this and in my situation, just take it from me!! Just cause they text you, DON'T RESPOND!!!
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) You can promise the world and it will make no difference. Nothing you say to an ex will change their mind. The only reasons exes ever change their mind is because of self reflection...ya know? Move on, don't text her. It doesn't matter about her new bf anymore, her life doesn't matter to you anymore. And ps..I've had the same thing happen to me (they say they want to be left alone, but then they text you, you text back, they stop. they like the control. its an ego thing). Good luck. Edited June 30, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
Author Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 they say they want to be left alone, but then they text you, you text back, they stop. they like the control. its an ego thing Ya and wtf?? She says "Oh, I never intended to hurt you". Honestly, then just leave me the f*** alone! That's what I feel like saying... If I wasn't already no contact that is, lol. Its like sometimes we just need to be reminded of the manipulation actually taking place (we as in the dumpees). Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the advice. Please keep it coming!
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Ya, I know it's awful...to have someone HURT you in one of the worst ways possible, and then coming back just to say "hey!". It'd be like my deceased grandfather coming back just to shake my hand, haha. But there is a bright side, and it is sooo cliche, but this kinda stuff only helps you learn and grow stronger. Think of it as stepping stones to get to the one special person who is going to be "the one." Just remember....out of sight, out of mind. NC is great, it's harder when they keep bugging you, but you'll have to push through that. I know you can do that, you're aware it's wrong, and that's the hardest step.
Author Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Ya, I know its messed up what she's doing but I know she's only doing it cause its hard for her too. Even when you break up with someone its not easy. Like I said, I'm seeing someone else and not that I think she's like my next love or anything, but she makes me feel like I'm awesome. Even when I'm crabby cause of my ex, she STILL seems to think I'm cool enough to wanna be around. And it feels good to know that SOMEONE still thinks I'm interesting and fun. But just fyi, I've been super honest with the new girl about my situation and my sort of unresolved feelings surrounding my ex. I don't wanna lead her on. I never wanna treat someone else the way I've been treated before.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 That is awesome! She must be a really down to earth, chill girl then. I think you're heading in that right direction (: I can't say much more, as I am not (and don't want, for that matter) to date anyone else for a long time, but I know it helps a lot of people to kinda move forward. That's a good point...I guess it is hard for dumpers as well... The guilt maybe? And of course they are going to miss and feel some loss...
Author Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Honestly, I have NEVER dumped someone. But I know it must me hard to be put in that situation. I'm not perfect, the relationship wasn't perfect. I take responsibility for my part in the demise of our relationship. The new person? As mean as it sounds, its an ego boost. We aren't serious and I have no intention of being in an actual relationship with anyone for awhile. But it does feel good to think someone likes you. I'm sure that sounds soooo selfish but I know I'm being honest with her in all my feelings. She knows my situation and STILL thinks I'm worthy of being with! wtf??
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) Well, you're being honest and she's okay with it, so more power to ya! haha. Ya, I've never dumped anyone before either...well...you are aware of that already...ha... I'm pretty much getting to the indifferent stage, which is fine by me!! Edited June 30, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
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