xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I don't wanna threadjack Lishy . We had the subtopic of guys being the one's who should always chase the girls. So my question is for those ladies, what would you consider the line between chasing while building attraction and chasing but decreasing attraction (challenging vs. desperate for lack of a better analogy)?
MyNameIsJane Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I dont think guy should solely be the chasers... that isn't very equal and I am sure that gets annoying for guys eventually. I think there is a difference between always chasing - and keeping things interesting (ie: a married couple doesn't really have the chase anymore - but they have to find ways to keep the relationship fresh and thriving) I think in the challenge vs desperation inquiry - there is a key factor that needs to be present or absent in these cases... mutual interest. If a girl is interested, but non-committal (or at least appearing that way) to the guy... its more of a chase for a guy... If a girl doesnt like the guy and he keeps contacting/chasing/etc... it comes off as desperation. I don't know if that made any sense... its all a stupid game anyhow
Author xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I think in the challenge vs desperation inquiry - there is a key factor that needs to be present or absent in these cases... mutual interest. If a girl is interested, but non-committal (or at least appearing that way) to the guy... its more of a chase for a guy... This is particularly the one I'm (and I'm sure all guys) are interested in. How does a guy increase a chase while building attraction, or at least maintain non-desperation while maintaining attraction (for example, I went out with a girl once and then she had to be away for two weeks, so I was afraid of her losing attraction since I wasn't actually going to see her). Or is this all a moot point because "if there's not an intense level of interest, then it's not meant to be anyway."?
Serenitynow Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 If a girl is interested, but non-committal (or at least appearing that way) to the guy... its more of a chase for a guy... If a girl doesnt like the guy and he keeps contacting/chasing/etc... it comes off as desperation.Thats exactly how it is. Hypothetically speaking, lets have a guy go through the same exact steps with girl A and with girl B Girl A is not attracted to him, girl B is. Girl A will tell her friends negative things about the guy, and how he is so overbearing Girl B will be giddy and tell her friends positive things about the guy, and how she wants to date him. The actions of the guy has nothing to do with it, it is all based on how each individual girl perceives the situation .
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 The actions of the guy has nothing to do with it, it is all based on how each individual girl perceives the situation . This is why I had previously asked (in another thread) based on perception, and assessment the situation, if the act of being "aloof" and being disinterested can run parallel. This is some serious hair splitting! Lots of 'ifs' and 'buts'
threebyfate Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I agree that sometimes, it has nothing to do with the guy. But if the guy's always chasing and failing, time after time after time, then something's wrong internally with the guy or his choices. As far as the chase, a girl who's emotionally healthy will reciprocate when you show consistency. A girl who continues to play the game of hard to get, is either low interest or someone who enjoys game playing, which means you don't want her anyways.
AD1980 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 boy ladies love these stupid games,ill call u and ask to go out if you ignore me for a few days im done with you
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) MyNameIsJane hit it on the head, at least for me. Yeah but I think the problem lies sometimes with the inactivity of the ones you do want, and the activity of the ones you don't. Edited June 29, 2010 by Gallaxia
Feelin Frisky Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I totally get the question. I find it well-framed and indeed something I wish they taught when I was in high school. But I have no answer because life's a kick in the azz. Except for loyalty and civility, there is no one size fits all answer. You run up your credit card and you takes yer chances.
Serenitynow Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) I may not go as far as mirroring his actions, but I will show him that I am interested through my actions, proper body language, direct flirting, etc. Because god forbid if we actually are allowed to say " I like you " nope, it has to be a game HITCH speeding dating scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qI6FMgaX4Lc&feature=related . Edited June 29, 2010 by Serenitynow
Author xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 For me, in all honesty, you can take two men who use the exact same actions to pursue me. If I am interested in one (A), I'm going to find his actions charming and love every minute of it. If I'm not interested in the other (B), I'm going to find his actions overbearing and annoying. The difference is I will show reciprocation to the one I am interested in (A) and signals of non-interest to the one I am not interested in (B). Yes, I will go as far as to say "thanks but no thanks". When I say no thanks, I mean it. In reciprocating, I may not go as far as mirroring his actions (I mean if he sends me flowers I won't do the same, but I might just share some of my homemade fudge with him), but I will show him that I am interested through my actions, proper body language, direct flirting, etc. I don't think that if a woman shows disinterest that men should continue to pursue. If she's playing hard to get, that is a game (on the woman's part) that makes it difficult for everyone to interpret the meaning, leaving a path of confusion for guys. Clear anything up? Of course not lol. It's subjective so there is no clear cut answer. That's pretty solid, straightforward example. I guess that's why some relationships start out really fast.
paddington bear Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 According to some body language book I read the majority of male female interactions are initiated by women. Women apparently look, check the guy out. Guy sees her looking, feels confident enough to approach. Surveys were done after and all the men did not remember the female checking him out and thought he had decided on the spur of the moment to approach her. So...if this is true, women actually do chase men...just subtly. Chasing someone is letting her know you are interested, being slightly persistant, but knowing when to quit Bombarding someone with emails, phonecalls, pleas to spend time together makes anyone, male or female just a pest. I had a guy who simply would not give up, kept asking me out over and over and over, until he finally wore me down and I said yes, basically just to get him to stop...but...the initial spark wasn't there for me, so yes, he got what he wanted 'me' - but not long-term as I was kind of bullied into the relationship (and too young and immature at the time anyway to politely decline)
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Bombarding someone with emails, phonecalls, pleas to spend time together makes anyone, male or female just a pest. I had a guy who simply would not give up, kept asking me out over and over and over, until he finally wore me down and I said yes, basically just to get him to stop...but...the initial spark wasn't there for me, so yes, he got what he wanted 'me' - but not long-term as I was kind of bullied into the relationship (and too young and immature at the time anyway to politely decline) Eccch! Yeah, that's definitely no fun. Who wants to be bullied into a r'ship?
gamma1 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 boy ladies love these stupid games,ill call u and ask to go out if you ignore me for a few days im done with you They emphasize they like to be called. I call and they almost never answer and frequently don't return my message. I once called more than once. I'll never make that mistake again.
aerogurl87 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) My ex chased me but it caused me not to like him, why? Because he basically worshipped the ground I walked on and was basically like a doormat. My current boyfriend pursued me, but it was more like he was just very interested. He put up boundaries and showed me that although he wanted me, there was certain stuff he would not stand for. I respect him and that made a big difference in how I felt about the two. EDIT: My ex also ultimately bullied me into being with him. We started out as friends, and he knew I didn't want to date anyone at the time. But then he gave me an ultimatum, lose him as my best friend or become his girlfriend. I didn't want to lose my best friend so I said yes, and although I grew to love him, it wasn't to the extent that he wanted or deserved from a partner in a relationship. I loved him out of guilt romantically, but unconditionally as a friend. Edited June 29, 2010 by aerogurl87
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