crimsonmike Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Well the chick I've been dating the last 6 or 7 weeks dropped it on me last night. She said even though we converse so easily and I'm a great guy, there just aren't any sparks. Then she says she thinks we should give it more time before we call it off. I then told her that if she did not think there was a legitimate chance of things turning around that we should call it off because it was only going to get worse when it ended by putting it off. She insisted that we should give it more time. New situation for me. I've been on both sides of a breakup, but this is kinda weird. Like being put on probation or something. Bad part is I fell for her hard about 10 minutes after meeting her (she doesn't know this of course.) That never happened in all my 30+ years. I guess it turns out she wasn't playing games by not calling much. She just isn't that into me. Anybody ever had this happen? Did it work out? I know I'll get responses telling me to move on. I probably should. I just don't have it in me.
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Cats on the roof. Do you want to hear the rest now or later. On a good note: You may think you fell for her but you know that unless there is real chemistry on both parts...its just not the real deal.
paddington bear Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Consider this: You knew within 10 mins that you were really interested, thus, whether you wanted to or not, displayed 'I am totally smitten with you' body language and behaviour (which is not a bad thing essentially, don't get me wrong). However, if she was in the 'I'm still assessing this guy' phase, and you had already emotionally gone further, of course the sparks aren't there for her. She had you from hello. There is or was no excitement there for her, is he going to call, is he not? I wonder if he likes me or not? etc. etc. All that initial period where both parties build attraction and wonder about what the other feels, feeds that spark. Now, that you suddenly are like 'yeah well, if you don't feel the spark, then let's forget it', she is humming and haawing and wanting more time - because suddenly your behaviour and body language are now challenging, thus exciting, thus perhaps creating a spark. This is one possibility, however, you don't really want to be getting into any silly game playing thing to keep her interest, as that would wear anyone out. But it might be an explanation of the situation that you find yourself in. My advice to you is to tell her that the relationship is off until she knows for sure whether she's in or out, that carrying it on while she decides is hurtful to you. This will either end it, which might happen anyway, or while she has time away from you, when she suddenly is not universally adored by you, she might realises 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'.
Author crimsonmike Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Consider this: You knew within 10 mins that you were really interested, thus, whether you wanted to or not, displayed 'I am totally smitten with you' body language and behaviour (which is not a bad thing essentially, don't get me wrong). However, if she was in the 'I'm still assessing this guy' phase, and you had already emotionally gone further, of course the sparks aren't there for her. She had you from hello. There is or was no excitement there for her, is he going to call, is he not? I wonder if he likes me or not? etc. etc. All that initial period where both parties build attraction and wonder about what the other feels, feeds that spark. Now, that you suddenly are like 'yeah well, if you don't feel the spark, then let's forget it', she is humming and haawing and wanting more time - because suddenly your behaviour and body language are now challenging, thus exciting, thus perhaps creating a spark. This is one possibility, however, you don't really want to be getting into any silly game playing thing to keep her interest, as that would wear anyone out. But it might be an explanation of the situation that you find yourself in. My advice to you is to tell her that the relationship is off until she knows for sure whether she's in or out, that carrying it on while she decides is hurtful to you. This will either end it, which might happen anyway, or while she has time away from you, when she suddenly is not universally adored by you, she might realises 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'. Your first 3 paragraphs are spot on. I really tried to not let on too much, but I couldn't help it. Last 3 paragraphs...we'll see. I'll see how much she really tries to stay in touch over the next week or so. At some point I have to salvage some of my dignity. I HAD real high self confidence going in, but it's taken a royal ace whippin over the last couple weeks.
paddington bear Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Your first 3 paragraphs are spot on. I really tried to not let on too much, but I couldn't help it. Last 3 paragraphs...we'll see. I'll see how much she really tries to stay in touch over the next week or so. At some point I have to salvage some of my dignity. I HAD real high self confidence going in, but it's taken a royal ace whippin over the last couple weeks. Yeah well, there is no shame in that. There is no shame in liking someone, and strong emotions about someone are not that kind of thing that are easy to hold back. I didn't mean to make this 'your fault' by saying that you knew you liked her from the offset. You can't really control your feelings or who you feel things about. I still maintain the dignity salvaging and indeed less emotional pain for you would be served by saying something like 'I think it's clear that I really like you and want to keep seeing you, but you are either in or you are out. When you have decided either way, get back to me'. You don't want to be in some semi-relationship that drags on for another while, always wondering if she's invested emotionally or not. Better to allow her to make the decision, but no cake and eating it scenario for her i.e. that she still gets to date you while she decides. Horrible situation. Hope it works out for the best.
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