Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 That is why he will not call or ask you out, you can do whatever you want but when a guy is interested it is very evident and you will not second guess it I have seen so many of my friends meet guys, they ask for numbers, maybe meet again and end up bumping uglies and then NOTHING This happened to me a few weeks ago and I questioned why and then it occured to me that he wasnt that into me. It is so not worth taking it personally as they do not know you yet I would like to hear about people who have been in this situation and what happened ........
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 AND if a man is not interested...whats that mean? Next. Thats it. Nothing else.
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 AND if a man is not interested...whats that mean? Next. Thats it. Nothing else. Love it love it love it! So true honey!!!!!!!!
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Ive been in advertising sales , marketing, and politics for twenty years. Rejection has nothing at all to do with what you have to offer.
SilentVoice Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Worked on a project with a guy in my school ( out of school) .Everything was done either on the phone or internet. Couple weeks lately he writes to tell me the results. We never had any type of personal conversation during the whole project but he didn't seem interested . I didn't want to be bothered anyway. He started texting and calling me everyday , invite me places,but I will turn them all down. So he decided that he will let me choose the place ,but he never wanted to do what I wanted to do. I should have known at that point, but I didn't want to know. I started liking him , but I think I liked the idea of him more.We end up going for a drive one night. And he invites me to a hotel ,but I turn him down . I wasn't mad or anything . It was my place to end it at that point if I wasn't comfortable. I think I slept with him a couple days later , it sucked lol. But I never heard from him again. I am not mad life goes on.. I just wish people will be more mature about situations as such. But that is wishful thinking :-). Some time just no contact may just be the most pleasant way . I did like him tho I know better now. People only do to you what you allow them . ;-)
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Oh gosh did I over analyze your question? Absolutely not! I slept with a date on the first date and we spent 14 years together There are lots of reasons men stop calling I just wish they would be more honest and not take the chicken way out I cant count the hours I have spent with friends over the years trying to work this one out
threebyfate Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I agree that it's not worth taking things personally when a guy's not that into you. When it keeps happening time and again, then it's something to consider. Lishy, who are you and what drives you? What draws you to certain men and not others?
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 So what do you think it is to do with? When I said: Rejection has nothing at all to do with what you have to offer It means there is nothing at all wrong with your product, its just not what that particular buyer wants. Buyer may have thought they did, buyer may not know what they want, buyer may not be ready to buy, buyer may be unable to buy. Doesnt matter. Doesnt mean there is anything wrong with what you have to offer. I mean, unless your selling post-it notes or stock in google...theres is nothing that every single buyer needs. To take it further: If you dont want what Ive got, its you thats f'd up.
Kamille Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I've been thinking about this lately. Honestly, I think our egos get in the way of us assessing situations appropriately. A guy acts wishy-washy and we think "why doesn't he like me?" instead of realizing that A) not every guy is going to fall in love with us and B) it doesn't take anything away from us and how lovable we are. was posting at the same time as 2sure: she says it much better than I did.
xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Absolutely not! I slept with a date on the first date and we spent 14 years together There are lots of reasons men stop calling I just wish they would be more honest and not take the chicken way out I cant count the hours I have spent with friends over the years trying to work this one out Same thing happens to me with girls, in fact I just had a couple threads about it recently. They stop calling because its exactly how you put it: the easy way out. But its also because they're afraid of how the person would react in the event that they did say "Hey, I found someone else that's just more for me." or "Look, I'm just losing that feeling about you." When you think about it, I think anyone who isn't interested anymore should wait until the other person contacts them, and if they do THEN be honest and shoot like a text message (letting them know but keeping reserved in case the other person flips out) saying whatever reason you're not interested.
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I agree that it's not worth taking things personally when a guy's not that into you. When it keeps happening time and again, then it's something to consider. Lishy, who are you and what drives you? What draws you to certain men and not others? It has happened to me a few times and I dont know why to be honest. I know I am scarred and I suppose damaged and my fear of rejection is massive! I really cannot cope with rejection at all and I really do not know why. I met a guy a few weeks ago and he did not contact me so I just left it, then he texts saturday night when I was out and he met up with me and my friend and yet again I have heard nothing! Anyway I dont care now as the initial feelings of rejection are gone The thing is that I feel bad even when a guy I dont really like does not call. My problem lays with the fact that I judge a guy on the connection and attraction I feel for them and not what they are really about as I dont give myself time to see what they are really about. I am so petrified of being hurt and heartbroken again that I have vowed to remain single I think I was a boit more honest then I should have been there and now the kids will chime in, tell me alot of old tosh and make me feel even worse!
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I've been thinking about this lately. Honestly, I think our egos get in the way of us assessing situations appropriately. A guy acts wishy-washy and we think "why doesn't he like me?" instead of realizing that A) not every guy is going to fall in love with us and B) it doesn't take anything away from us and how lovable we are. was posting at the same time as 2sure: she says it much better than I did. So true darling And C) we dodged a bullet because who wants a man who is not into us?
Mr White Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 This thread does not make sense against the backdrop of the other two threads where all sorts of evidence were marchalled that aloofness does work. Perhaps it doesn't matter if "he" is into you? All that matters is that "you" are into "him", hence the long-winded rationalization and self-assurance that it's not a big loss after all .
SilentVoice Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Absolutely not! I slept with a date on the first date and we spent 14 years together There are lots of reasons men stop calling I just wish they would be more honest and not take the chicken way out I cant count the hours I have spent with friends over the years trying to work this one out :-) I tend to over-analyze at times . I have no problem with guys cutting ties, but it seems so immature. I wonder if guys think that we think that they must like us. I mean come on, it is life , I know we all can't be together , why can't we just say it.
xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 BTW Lishy, you NEED put you're foot down and stop sleeping with guys so soon. Everybody wants sex, but if you're looking for something more like I am, then you gotta hold your ground and wait until you think they want what you want. If they're just interested in you until after you sleep with them, then it's not getting what you need too, its only getting what they want. I've already been hit by this, only over a course of 6 months rather than just a few dates.
xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I wonder if guys think that we think that they must like us. I mean come on, it is life , I know we all can't be together , why can't we just say it. Sadly, this is true, especially since its the guy who's expected to do all the contact initiation. I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but never had one actually CHASE me. Even when I knew (from a friend's confirmation) that they were really, really into me.
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 BTW Lishy, you NEED put you're foot down and stop sleeping with guys so soon. Everybody wants sex, but if you're looking for something more like I am, then you gotta hold your ground and wait until you think they want what you want. If they're just interested in you until after you sleep with them, then it's not getting what you need too, its only getting what they want. I've already been hit by this, only over a course of 6 months rather than just a few dates. Oh X I dont sleep with guys, the most I will do is kiss them. I can count on one hand how many guys I have slept with so it isnt about easy sex. I also dont just hand my number to anyone, I have to really like them to give them my number
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Sadly, this is true, especially since its the guy who's expected to do all the contact initiation. I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but never had one actually CHASE me. Even when I knew (from a friend's confirmation) that they were really, really into me. This may be really old fashioned of me but I really do think it is down to the guy to chase in the beginning. I have never known a sitiation where the girl does the chasing and the outcome is good
xRJ85x Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Oh X I dont sleep with guys, the most I will do is kiss them. I can count on one hand how many guys I have slept with so it isnt about easy sex. I also dont just hand my number to anyone, I have to really like them to give them my number Oh OK, good. I was just making sure, and even with the guys you're really into. I just say that cuz the thread I just made a couple days ago about meeting a girl in a bar who was dead set on trying to make out with me, and as much as I would have loved to, I held back and got her number and now plan on trying to get something more out of her. Had I simply reciprocated, I thought I would have run the risk of showing her that I was simply looking for a hookup and not something more.
Author Lishy Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Oh OK, good. I was just making sure, and even with the guys you're really into. I just say that cuz the thread I just made a couple days ago about meeting a girl in a bar who was dead set on trying to make out with me, and as much as I would have loved to, I held back and got her number and now plan on trying to get something more out of her. Had I simply reciprocated, I thought I would have run the risk of showing her that I was simply looking for a hookup and not something more. Bloody hell guys like you really DO exist!! That is good to hear! And THAT is the difference between a guy just out for what he can get and a guy who is ready and wants a relationship
threebyfate Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It has happened to me a few times and I dont know why to be honest. I know I am scarred and I suppose damaged and my fear of rejection is massive! I really cannot cope with rejection at all and I really do not know why.This is why you can't handle rejection since you view yourself as scarred and damaged hence no one wants me because of it. And each time you're rejected it adds to this negative self-image. I met a guy a few weeks ago and he did not contact me so I just left it, then he texts saturday night when I was out and he met up with me and my friend and yet again I have heard nothing! Anyway I dont care now as the initial feelings of rejection are gone The thing is that I feel bad even when a guy I dont really like does not call. It's all the same thing. No one enjoys rejection but how we learn to cope with it, is key to our self-image. The more we self-flagellate, the more our scars won't heal. My problem lays with the fact that I judge a guy on the connection and attraction I feel for them and not what they are really about as I dont give myself time to see what they are really about.This is good self-awareness. But there's more to it which I'll show in another post of some soul-searching I had to go through. The further you drill down into your psyche, the better for you, as long as you're willing to do something about it. I am so petrified of being hurt and heartbroken again that I have vowed to remain single Keep self-flagellating and doing nothing about it, and yes, you will keep hurting yourself.
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