TaraMaiden Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 And thanks all who have made such kind comments. I just do what I can. I'm a people person, and people are important.
DenverBachelor Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 so maiden what advice can u give for me not to think about her any more? i dont think of her that much and i am moving on. Go out and meet other women. Have meaningless sex. Go shopping with them. Take a few halfway decent looking ones to the movies. Surround yourself with the opposite sex until you realize that the only reason why you miss your ex is because she's a woman and nothing special. You spent way too much time with just her and you have forgotten how great the rest can be. Seriously -- go have sex now.
wendigo Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I am not in not quite the same situation as you, but the feelings are similar. At the end of the day no one can tell you what to do. You do what feels right to you. Although I think I really might be going against the grain here, sometimes (only sometimes) the advice people give about nc just cannot be heard. There is just some kind of filter between what you say and what you hear. Your feelings are speaking louder than anyone elses. It's not that your feelings are wrong - I think it's normal - but you obviously still haven't reached that point where you have really put this relationship to rest. And I think people get frustrated when they can't be heard, especially when they are talking from experience. But I think break ups do have their own natural pace from beginning to end that is hard to control. You spent a month trying to get back with her and something - some thought, motivated you enough to stop. Maybe it wasn't all that great for you. Maybe you felt it was hopeless. Maybe it was just hurting too much. Maybe you had a few realisations yourself, maybe you could do better than her? Maybe you could do some things you wanted to that you couldn't do before? You may be feeling sad how it could end after all you invested.... it might be worth spending the next day or so seeing if you can remember what motivated you to stop.maybe write it down.... There is a lot of contradicting advice on the internet. Don't contact your ex if you want to get them back and just show them how great you are doing and then they'll see what they were missing. Well, they might do but will that really change anything in the long term even if you get back together? Unlikely I reckon. Something BIG was wrong for it to end. Then there is the theory don't contact them because you will get over them quicker. To be perfectly honest I am not a full believer in this - only a part believer. Hopefully this will be self explanatory in the rest of this post. Now I bet loads of times you have gone to contact her and haven't. You left it a few seconds, the phone in your hand... paused and then... either put the phone down, thought some more and then maybe decided it was best not to or got distracted by something else or made a decision to leave it for now and see how you feel later. But maybe you have called in the past, spoken to her ........ how was it? ended up feeling awful? Because you hoped for a particular outcome? Or hopeful.. but then what happened? There is part of me that believes that realistically people do keep contacting their ex because it is not clear in their minds or hearts yet that the relationship was not right and they need enough evidence (or bad experiences) to make it clear. There seems so much unanswered questions and mysteries that you are desperate to get to the bottom of. Moments of 'but there was so much good!' . But at the end of the day - your ex has got her own story going on in her head about what was good and bad. What was right and wrong - for her. And she is, when she was with you too - a very seperate person from you, even when she loved you, with different ways of thinking etc.. She was obvioulsy hurting so much she had to go. No you can't turn back the clock. But you have to consider that what happened when you were together was the real you, how you are, and the real her, how she was and how you were together... and it didn't work.ouch I know. I'm not here to talk you into texting her. In my mind you have played it really cool by not running off and enjoying your time with your mates. You have no choice really but to leave her to it - whether you text or not, what happens next is up to her. Will it really change anything? Because if you are genuinely only upset about this one situation - you can deal with it next time it comes around by just being polite and leave her to figure things out for herself. That really is all you can do. I would say try and be strong in yourself. I think you have done SO well so far. I think you probably know in your heart what is right to do - there is something to be said for inner wisdom and the little voice in the back of the mind. Maybe just give yourself a day to think about it. The thoughts that keep me away from my ex so far (its been a week) - are.. I do not want to go through this pain and how it destroys me- not even 1 more time, not 1 more time do I want to hear the words.....xyz or feel abc because he has efg.. You (ex) simply were not interested in communicating with me on a deep level = you are not interested in me, who I am or how I feel. I am not convinced your feelings are strong enough to make us work - whatever that would take. I'm sick of feeling hurt from my ex. These things above really make me believe that the ball is in his court - if he wants me he can come and get me. I have tried with him. Done all I can. I don't want the hurt anymore and I think I will hurt less if we are apart and I can go on to live a happier life. Because I was suffering from depression and low self esteem with him (he didn't help at all with that), there is no way I could do any better for myself whilst I was with him. The relationship just did not support that - who I am, how I am, my family and all the other little things that I lived with that when we split up I realised were not little things but IMPORTANT things that make me happy. So... take some time today to think. Do whatever and wherever you are up to. You are in control of your life. But only you are in control. And only of your life. love and kindness to you
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