messymichelle Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 ive been on nc for 3 days now,i didnt think that it would be this tough and its only been three days !!!! it has made me think alot and im wondering if nc makes the other person think or are they too wrapped up in themselves to think about anyone except themselves??? im so used to textn or talking everyday and im guessing that he was used to it too, but thats it im just guessing, because i dont really know him anymore, some insight into this from both sides would be helpful thanks
BeagleGal Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 MM: Good question. I wonder that sometimes with my ex. Its been now 12 DAYS OF NC and its driving me insane. Dont ask me how I did it because I dont even know. I guess it does get easier the longer you go. I believe it depends on the ex, I think. My ex is a stupid, douchy, lying, cheat so I believe he's too wrapped up in himself and the whole mess he got himself in to think. But then he contacts me or when he did contact me, I thought it was b/c he was missing me and realizing how badly he ****ed up. I think part of him realizes he has ****ed up real bad but in the end, its about his pride/ego and he'll never admit to any wrongdoing. Anyways, its hard to say I guess. but yeah I'd like to hear from the other side as well, from the dumper.
BiAxident Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It is hard to say, as I suspect it varies from person to person. In the case of my XGF, I know that she remembered all the great times from our relationship/friendship. She would write or leave a voicemail every six months or so asking how I was doing, but she certainly wasn't yearning to get back together with me. In your case, given that it has only been a few days, odds are that the other person has you in their thoughts. However, it depends on so many factors, including how long you dated, the reason you broke up, what kind of a person he is, etc, etc, etc.
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It does not matter either way. NC is not about getting them back, making them miss you or punishing your EX. NC is not about them it is about you. Giving you space to heal, getting you to focus on you and caring for yourself. It about working hard to get your mind to think about you rather then them. It take work and a bit more time, so keep at it.
Author messymichelle Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 thanks guys for the replies, i know nc is about me, getting myself together but it doesnt stop the thoughts ,nothing does, i surpose what im saying is that i know that i should be focusing the whole issue of nc for myself. but after spending ten years with someone, being through alot of **** together and practically being in constant contact everyday(well since the split not every day!!!) i was thinking if the other person(him) was thinking of me or would he be too wrapped up in himself to even consider that i havent contacted him??? for me this is a heartwrenching experience that i have never been through before, there is so many questions,thoughts and emotions. am i just giving myself false hope?? im sort of ok one min than redy to explode the next is this normal??? im not weakening with my decision of nc, i know that i need to do this but i didnt releaise how much emotion and thoughts that you go through while doing it
cdt76 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It is a very serious and powerful roller coaster at first. Your mind will put that person on a pedestal. You will only want to remember the good things about the other person and you will focus on those aspects of the person you loved. And YES, what you are experiencing happens to us all to varying degrees. Try and catch yourself focusing on what you miss in that person and try to redirect to what you have that is good. It's hard to do but NC definitely helps.
Ilovecake Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 ive been on nc for 3 days now What does that mean? NC is not a thing you can be on or off.
GrayClouds Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 im sort of ok one min than redy to explode the next is this normal??? im not weakening with my decision of nc, i know that i need to do this but i didnt releaise how much emotion and thoughts that you go through while doing it Understand you would be going through the same emotion even if you were not NC. What your keeping from doing by NC is constantly going back to square one over and over again. For every contact brings you back to the beginning and you start the whole ride again. For weeks it is natural to feel utter insanity; you do not want to eat, sleep, obsessive thoughts, mood swings and exhaustion t name a few of the fun things. It a chemical reaction to a trauma, your body start produce way to many of hormones that is produces the fight or flight response. It will lesson over time plus if you force yourself to eat quality food regularly, try to get out an walk every day and make yourself physical tired, and journal your thought everyday it will help move you forward faster. It takes effort but you will be glad you did.
rager Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I was discussing NC with a female friend last night as I'd just implemented it. She was telling me how she'd try to be friends with a few ex's she'd dumped and it just got bad, she ended up really disliking her ex's as they were all mushy trying to be friends. I sent her a copy of the NC email I'd just sent my ex and she was petty amazed at it, thought it would really intrigue her if an ex sent her that and she would have to wonder what they're up to and how they're going - she saw it as something very positive. So stick in there, NC is the way to go, theres so many positives to come out of it. Sure it hurts like hell and I'm still hurting, but it only gets better and the feelings of hurt grow shorter and shorter - I look at it the same as giving up smoking
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 You just have to ride it through. the first couple weeks are intense, but it gets better over time. Of course he thinks about you. No one walks away from a 10 year relationship and just puts it behind them immediately. I am betting his emotions are fluctuating as well!
DenverBachelor Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Who gives a **** what they think ... Once they say goodbye, you're golden to do whatever you want without worrying about them.
sean1970 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I wish I knew what she thought. I want her to miss me. I want her to want me back. I want her to at least see me. I tried to be nice. That didn't work. So now I am back to No Contact. I hope she misses me and comes over. I miss her so much. This isn't funny anymore. This girl was pig vomit to you and you can say these things? I'm really looking forward to you making it to the anger stage...
GrayClouds Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 This girl was pig vomit to you and you can say these things? I'm really looking forward to you making it to the anger stage... perfect .
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