Ragazza Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I've been dating a married but separated guy for about 3 months now. He has 2 children and he is in sort of good terms with his wife (she was the one who told him to move out, after he spent the night with me, but nothing happened!). The relationship with his wife has been failing for the last year and he was still living with her for his children, but also having the ocassional 'where is the marriage going?' talks with his wife and the times I knew of they both ended up deciding about separating but doing it slow to not hurt the children. He separated from around the time we started dating, at 1st i thought he was separating from her coz of me, and I even told him to try and work on his marriage coz they have enough reasons (his children) to do it, but he told me it was a lost cause, his marriage had ended. He lives on his own, and unfourtunately far away from me, during those 3 months Ive been dating him Ive only seen him for 4 whole weekends. We only spent one night together but nothing happened, we slept together 3 months after we started dating, and now I think I love him even more but this confuses me coz he plans to get divorced but as everyone knows they take a long time and money.. he also plans to move closer to me so we can spend more time together other than just see eachother for one weekend every month. I just dont know if im doing wrong by being with a married/separated man, he is a wonderfull man, loving, caring, funny and a bit older than me of course, so I'm worried coz Ive been reading and apparently is very wrong to do this, but if true love is involved? what then?! I believe everyone is meant to be happy, my parents also were about to get divorced and it was difficult but it made me realise that they cant be forced to be unhappy coz of me (their children) I decided to be supportive and also happy for them if they find happines with any other men/women than eachother. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Do you guys think my relatioship with this MM has any future? Any advice will be greatly appreciate it!
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Same as usual. You really cannot take words alone at face value because there is always more to it. Currently there are two main players in this situation and as of yet - you are not one of them. You have no way of knowing what is really taking place. See what he does, what actions take place..that you can see. He moves. You go to his new place. You see divorce paper work from an attorney. You say he is separated from his wife....in what way?
Author Ragazza Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 He is separated as in he no longer lives with her, he has this new place, and he goes to see his chilcren every week. But yeah you are right, I need to see all these things happening instead of just hearing it from him. But that may take a while, in the mean time I torture myself thinking about all these things.. its just frustrating..
awkward Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 he also plans to move closer to me so we can spend more time together other than just see eachother for one weekend every month. Won't this make it more difficult for him to spend time with his children? I'd make sure that he is grounded in reality and not fantasy. Like how exactly would the logistics of raising his children work. In any case, if you see action and progress it might work out. If all you hear is him talking about how he'd like it to be, then it will probably never be.
piscis Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Wait and see. Please do not make (or at least try) not to make great expectations about this. Date him if you want to. But wait and see. Do not expect too much. anything could happend and anythings means anything he and his W reconsidering the separations and going back together, he wanting some time alone, he wanting to date you and see what happends, thats why my advice is to move slowly. ((hugs))
Author Ragazza Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Won't this make it more difficult for him to spend time with his children? I'd make sure that he is grounded in reality and not fantasy. Like how exactly would the logistics of raising his children work. In any case, if you see action and progress it might work out. If all you hear is him talking about how he'd like it to be, then it will probably never be. He sees his children on weekdays (not on weekends) and I really dont understand much of what goes on when he is with his children. He doesnt talk about the future, he seems confused, he kinda gave me the idea that he plans a future with me but he doesnt know how to 'start' or to get there. All I'm planing to do is not to get my hopes up too much, plus Ive been only dated him for like 3 months, and its too soon for me to be thinking about having a future with him, it just drives me crazy when reading other peoples experience that their MM goes back to their exs, but hey! thats the risk I'm willing to take =/ Thanks all for your replies! xxxx
fooled once Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I've been dating a married but separated guy for about 3 months now. He has 2 children and he is in sort of good terms with his wife (she was the one who told him to move out, after he spent the night with me, but nothing happened!). The relationship with his wife has been failing for the last year and he was still living with her for his children, but also having the ocassional 'where is the marriage going?' talks with his wife and the times I knew of they both ended up deciding about separating but doing it slow to not hurt the children. He separated from around the time we started dating, at 1st i thought he was separating from her coz of me, and I even told him to try and work on his marriage coz they have enough reasons (his children) to do it, but he told me it was a lost cause, his marriage had ended. He lives on his own, and unfourtunately far away from me, during those 3 months Ive been dating him Ive only seen him for 4 whole weekends. We only spent one night together but nothing happened, we slept together 3 months after we started dating, and now I think I love him even more but this confuses me coz he plans to get divorced but as everyone knows they take a long time and money.. he also plans to move closer to me so we can spend more time together other than just see eachother for one weekend every month. I just dont know if im doing wrong by being with a married/separated man, he is a wonderfull man, loving, caring, funny and a bit older than me of course, so I'm worried coz Ive been reading and apparently is very wrong to do this, but if true love is involved? what then?! I believe everyone is meant to be happy, my parents also were about to get divorced and it was difficult but it made me realise that they cant be forced to be unhappy coz of me (their children) I decided to be supportive and also happy for them if they find happines with any other men/women than eachother. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Do you guys think my relatioship with this MM has any future? Any advice will be greatly appreciate it! You barely know this guy yet you are in love? You don't know what he is really like. You have seen only very small snippets of this guy. Has a divorce even been started? The only 'facts' you know of this guy is what he is telling you. I would be willing to bet his wife has a whole other opinion of him Do you have a future with him? Personally, I highly doubt it. I think it is pretty sad that a guy would move 3 hours away from his kids for someone he barely knows. I would think if he was going to have an amicable divorce from his wife, and he wanted to be an involved dad, he would put their need for their dad in their lives above some girl he barely knows. Additionally, HE didn't initiate a divorce or even moving out. It was only after he totally disrespected his marriage and his wife by spending the night with you (so he says) that caused his wife to kick his cheating butt out. So you were involved with a MM because he was living at home, pretending to have a marriage and it was only after his wife kicked him out that he is now 'separated', right? (not sure if I understood correctly what you wrote). So how long ago was it that his wife kicked him out? Has he actually rented a new place, a place you have actually seen? Or is he staying on friends couches?
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