traveler28 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Hi there, I'm hoping that maybe someone might be able to rationalise through my peculiar situation. Let me start by saying that I am not a typical woman in the sense that I do not believe men are bastards and that my brain most of the time seems to be more on the masculine side of things. I have great male friends, I have had amazing boyfriends and I believe this to be because of my relaxed views and attitude towards relationships. Many women will find this peculiar, but I don't have a particular problem with my guy having some indiscretions for instance. As long as I can feel the love, things like that don't affect me. I encourage my men to spend time with their mates and try not to suffocate them. After all I am a firm believer in that if you love something you should set it free. Recently though I found myself in a pickle of a situation. I have been away, traveling for 1 year and during my last 3 weeks I met this guy with whom we decided on the spot to travel together to a remote exotic locale. And so we did for these 3 magical weeks. We were unbelievably compatible and in love. Everything about the whole affair was perfect with a capital P. Even if he didn't feel the need to verbally express himself (he told me he loves me and that I made him love again after 2 years), I could still see it in the way he looked at me and from his actions. I might be stupid in many matters in life, but I want you to believe me when I say that I do understand these things. When we had to part I can still remember the heart- wrenching moment when the train I was on was leaving and him running with the train on the platform, holding my hands and crying, until we were separated and the train took me away. The magic was over and I was grateful I found it, sure that I would cherish it for the rest of my life. I was prepared like the realist I am to let it go and just have it as a memory to retrieve. Upon my return back home though, he keeps sending me messages. Every three days let's say. Instead of the communication becoming sparser and sparser it becomes more dense. We find ourselves contacting everyday either via messages of FB chat. May I mention that I am back now for 2 months. And he of course keeps on traveling. 3 weeks ago he finds me in skype and tells me something that has hinted before and that I have tried to pretend I haven't heard. He tells me that he wants to be with me, traveling with me and after the travel is over settle down with me somewhere on the planet and start something serious there. I immediately say no. Not because I don't love him (he's all I can think of), or not because I am not crazy enough, but primarily because I don't have any money left and I have never been a kept woman (it's not my inclination). He insists and openly cries because I am willing to let a trivial thing like money to get on the way. He says that he has absolutely no problem to finance my trip and that I can find jobs as we travel. After all backpacking cost peanuts. He insists more and more genuinely, I can tell. And then 2 weeks ago after not sleeping for 3 days I tell him that I am now THINKING about his proposal. We spend 2 hours in skype with him being super excited and emotional, me reminding him that it's not a done deal yet, exchanging words of love. And we hung up with him preparing to leave the current country he is in and travel to the next with a motorbike, about 800 Km away. Like I said this was two weeks ago and I haven't heard of him since. He appears to not have any activity on FB either. Today some of his friends are asking him in FB, where the heck he is. Now, several options are going through my head. The first is of course an accident (he is a terrible driver, really crazy and already in these 2 months apart he has fractured his elbow and burnt his leg). Being in the remote, developing country he travels for now, I know it is not easy to communicate when on hospital with severe accident issues. I've been in this country myself before I met him. But as far as not contacting me without the hospital factor in I am not buying it. Developing or not, this is 2010 and internet is in every major town even there. So being a realist and never finding excuses for men, I am inclined to believe that he simply changed his mind and he either isn't bothered to tell me or he actually avoids confronting me. Which is a shame because he understands how relaxed I am and even if I was to turn to a psycho, what can I do from such a distance? He can simply erase me from a FB friend and that's that. At this point I should add that the internet is our only option as he doesn't have a mobile phone nor my number (I know I didn't have a phone throughout my travels). And ladies and gentlemen, I am asking. Why and how? Seriously, I am rather confused and of course hurt. And what bugs me even more is that he initiated the whole thing. I was okay with leaving it as such. Do you think that an accident is still an option? Not that I want him to have an accident mind you. I just happen to know how crazy of a driver he is. And maybe the men out there can back me up that it is probably the latter option of him changing his mind? Why and how? I apologise for the lengthy message and I'd appreciate any response. Thank you for your patience.
Ronni_W Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 But it's NOT just you whom he hasn't contacted, so why are you making it personal and taking it personally at this point? He also has not contacted his friends, and they are expressing their concern about that. I would hold off all further thoughts, save that he is well and healthy, until he surfaces on FaceBook or wherever. Once you know that he is alive and safe, then you can have a go at any "whys and hows" that might not be completely evident at that point. Sending prayers and good wishes that he is safe and healthy.
Author traveler28 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 To be honest I am trying to completely deny the accident thought, I just can't bear that thought... The friends asking though are only a couple, and they don't sound too worried, just some casual" where the hell are you?" "no news about your travels" kind of thing.
Ilovecake Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I would imagine that if such a large part of your relationship is conducted online and he was trying to dodge you he probably would avoid going on facebook or any other social site.
Author traveler28 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 That is to say that you agree he is trying to dodge me?
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I can't say what his reasons are for not contacting you... but if he's in a remote village somewhere, there's also the possibility that there is simply no available internet connection.
Author traveler28 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 yes, and he is the type of person (like myself) that could easily accept an invitation by local people to go stay at their village or something similar. But, two weeks is a long time to stay put when traveling so it doesn't add up. Plus if he really is as crazy about me as he says I'd expect him to go to the nearest town and find internet. The aforementioned country is not that big!
Ilovecake Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 That is to say that you agree he is trying to dodge me? No, no. Truthfully, I don't really know either way. People are weird; they feel very strongly about something one day and then change their mind the next so I'm just saying it's one of many possibilities. This is a big reason I don’t get involved in long distance relationships with people because I can’t read them. I need that face to face contact in order to build a relationship, so it’s really hard for me to figure this one out. Do you know any of his friends? Could you email one of them? I mean either way it's unfair for him to leave you hanging after making such grand life plans. I would imagine you have every right to find out what happened.
Author traveler28 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 thanks for saying that. I'm not a big fun of long distance either, never done it to be honest. Insofar this case it wouldn't be a relationship in our eyes until I got there, which the way we discussed it it would be on September. He is free to sleep with whomever he wants and do whatever he feels like in the meantime. Right until two weeks before we were two people that feel there is an opportunity for something special in the near future and trying to make sense of it. As for his fB friends, I don't want to appear crazy. I might contact them if more time elapses and I see no activity in his FB, then the accident option will sound more real. God, I hope he's safe at least....!
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