SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Ok so mr spanks has recently reconnected with a old friend the guy seams nice enough and all except hes def on the pushy side. Example he wants to come over to our place and meet me im ok with that its just the way he goes about it that seams off. He rang my partner the other day and mr spanks put the guy on speaker phone to show me what he meant. I then listened as the guy told mr spanks what time and day he would be showing up to our house the key there is HE TOLD HIM he didn't ask hey you wanna hang out on so and so day? im free then. No this guy TOLD him im coming on Monday see you he then even made it at like 7am so it fit before he went to work who cares if mr spanks some times works late night. Mind you this annoys mr spanks but as ive recently learned he is a avoident type personality. So although hes not happy hes besides himself as of what to do I think. I tend to agree to invite oneself like that is just as bad as those people who show up unannounced. I know how I would deal with it be upfront and tell this guy nicely how we feel. I guess I just want a outside view before I do so Thanks guys..
Ronni_W Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I think Mr. Spanks needs to learn how to say, "Yeah...no. That's not going to work for me. Wednesday at 2pm or Friday at 7am are our options." (That is, just give two other, more acceptable options.) Until he is willing to do that for himself, he is going to frequently feel put-upon, disrespected, annoyed, et al. All you can do when he whines and moans in your direction is to remind him, lovingly and kindly, that the situation is one of his own choosing...and he therefore as given up his right to also complain about it. To me, in this case, it's not necessary to bring emotions/feelings into it UNLESS the guy proves himself obtuse or becomes stubborn-controlling about getting his own way. If that happens, one could still say, "Yeah...no. You don't seem to be getting that I cannot accommodate your request. I need us to find a day/time that is mutually convenient." Keep it factual rather than emotional, I mean. It generally yields as good or better results during boundary-setting endeavours. Conflict avoidants like to say "yes", so it's fine to practice starting one's "no" responses with the word "yes"...or some form thereof Best of luck.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 To me, in this case, it's not necessary to bring emotions/feelings into it UNLESS the guy proves himself obtuse or becomes stubborn-controlling about getting his own way. If that happens, one could still say, "Yeah...no. You don't seem to be getting that I cannot accommodate your request. I need us to find a day/time that is mutually convenient." . Hey thanks for the reply Ronni well this guy has been trying to force his own way onto us for a while now telling my bf what day he WILL show up a few times im guessing that counts as being obtuse and stubborn he must get that the pushiness isent getting him anywheres no? A couple of times things honestly came up like I had said and I know that pissed him off cause right from the 1st time bf had to cancel he was sarcastic about it. But thats life things come up this last time I found out today that aparently mr spanks told the guy I was sick on my monthley witch I was fair enough. Im sure the women here will understand how lovely that can be if its at its worst you cant be botherd with almost anything let alone playing happy host to some pushy acquaintance and when it best suits them to boot! So anyways as a result the guy sent my partner a rather sarcastic nasty text just before saying how lifes goes on even if a women has her period. I was floored who dose that guy think he is? I felt like texting back and just being honest and saying exactly how we felt how hes pushy sarcastic and rude. But again mr spanks was right over me watching what I was dong and saying oh dont start anything! thats like his battle cry of complacency. Just to give you a little bit of a gauge of this guys personality hes actualy taken pics of ONS and sent them to my partner telling him how good she was ewww mr spanks came home and told me and said why the heck do I want to know that! I told my partner to start standing up for himself and that Im really not interested in meting this guy now any ways im just not into people like that. I was going to do it to keep the peace and be nice for my partner but I unlike him don't let people walk all over me call it a character flaw I guess. Its so frustrating to deal with some one who is so dam aviodent but I know what hes like now so I guess Ill just have to deal with it in the end it looks like I have no choice but to wear the pants in this relationship 90% of the time I just wish he wasn't wearing my skirts the other 10% lol.
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I am having a really hard time following this 3rd person stuff. I thought this was about a gay couple at first, dealing with an intrusive 3rd male. Is Mr. spanks a gay male, or a straight female with a male partner? Hard to tell.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 I am having a really hard time following this 3rd person stuff. I thought this was about a gay couple at first, dealing with an intrusive 3rd male. Is Mr. spanks a gay male, or a straight female with a male partner? Hard to tell. LOL sorry D-Lish mr spanks is my partner were both straight the issue is with my partners pushy friend and the fact my partner is quite avoident of everything.
whichwayisup Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 You have to wonder about people who are forcing themselves into your lives. Something is wrong here and that guy has issues. It's not normal behaviour.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 3, 2010 Author Posted July 3, 2010 You have to wonder about people who are forcing themselves into your lives. Something is wrong here and that guy has issues. It's not normal behaviour. Thanks whichway I was thinking the same thing its like this guy has become almost a little obsessed with my partner and me ever since they started hanging out again. ive seen text were the guy gets all worried/upset if my bf doesn't respond to him right away stuff like "you OK man you have been quiet lately" Its odd coming from a guy my bf hasn't herd anything back from him ever since that morning I text him saying no need for the sarcasm so who knows its all odd indeed bf said hes just going to give the hole situation some space thats prob a good idea.
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